Describes me now, yesterday , the day before, the week before, the month before,...... My mum is siting outside waiting to see the doc for her eyes and though I am free (as you can tell from this post), I do not feel like joining her. Guess I am a bane to my parents. Just wanna disappear and not have to care bout anything. Feel like I am just doing things for the sake of doing it and saying things for the sake of saying it. Just found out yesterday a good friend's engaged and I smsed him to congratulate him and tell him I am happy for him. But was I really happy for him? Hmmmm, nope! Don't get me wrong. I do wish him well but my emotions were far from happy when I dropped him the sms. Its like a matter of formality kind of thing rather than the fact that I am really glad for him.
In any case, nothing from myself surprises me very much anymore. Guess I am just really cold inside. Feel like I am mind dead in a sense. Don't even wanna think about things anymore. What's the point when the solution is clear yet I do not want to do it? Might as well just take whatever comes and just make the best of it. Sometimes I think I know too much. That's why I put myself in such turmoil inside. From now on, I will just do whatever I want to. No point going through the guilt though I know I will not obey in the end. I will save myself from the excessive pain inside......
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