Think this post is way overdue considering the fact I have been back for more than a week already. Got most of my pics in facebook. Think I'll just put up the pics or videos which were the most memorable for me. So here goes,......
Guess Jetstar is the only place where a cup noodles and beer cost the same, 5 bucks.
Cool right this pic? That is my cousin Midori. Pretty right?
My youngest cousin was not feeling well during the first day so she slept throughout the plane trip.
I suppose there's no need to guess who the right blotter belongs to......
I realised this of late. I seem to have difficulty conversing with the opposite sex. I feel like the conversations just seem lifeless. It seems to take more effort conversing with girls than guys. It does not feel as natural as well. Hmmmm, what's happening?
This seems to be the phrase of the day for me. I really need to practice forgetting the past and looking/moving forward to what lies ahead. Errr God I need help again......
Just caught the movie last evening. Was pleasantly surprised that the show was quite okay. They really made the man out to be this super duper guy full of love and compassion. Quite enjoyed the show till the ending. There was a line which implied that Confucius' teachings have pretty much impacted China and has made it what it is today. Not too sure if I read too much into it but if China is really China because of this man, I think Confucius has failed miserably. Looking at China today, ewww, I guess I do not need to elaborate more......
Was feeling a little overwhelmed on the way back from lifegroup just now. Tonight I felt like God really gave me a lot of revelation regarding certain stuff.
1) When a friend was sharing about the communion, I felt impressed to share about believing God for wholeness (spirit, emotions and body) rather than just believe for bodily healing through the broken body of Christ which seems to be more emphasized.
2) I was praying for a friend who was suffering from low self-esteem, which I struggle from as well. As I was getting ready to pray, I felt I learnt something new about low self-esteem which I have not heard in this way before. 'Low self-esteem basically stems from comparing oneself with others.' That is why God wants us to have our own walk before Him. And I was reminded about Jesus calling Peter to follow him after His resurrection and when Peter asked about John, Jesus simply told him to follow him (i.e to mind his own business). The incident can be found in John 21:20-22.
3) On the way home, I was thinking about faith being the great equalizer. Think I heard that quote from one of the preachers I used to listen to. Then I was thinking about God who is supposed to be a fair God but yet why different people have different gifts and resources to work with. Then I realised that God is indeed fair cos at the end of the day, 'to whom much has been given, much will be required'. So some of us who have more to work with in this lifetime will be accountable for more than others who may not be as 'advantaged' as us.
4) I was also thinking about what I believed subconsciously about needing to be whole in an area before being qualified enough to minister in the same area. The reason why I was contemplating about this was because I found it really difficult to minister to my friend in the lifegroup because I am also facing and still trying to overcome the same issue which is low self-esteem. So, to me its like a wounded healer trying to bring healing to another wounded person. Then I was reminded about the verse that said that God has chosen the weak things (1 Cor 1:27). It does not mention that God uses the strong or already healed. If God chooses the weak, then I suppose I do qualify. ;)
So much revelation in one night. No wonder I feel so overwhelmed, in a good way of course.
The thought just came to me a while ago. My relationships when it comes to BGR does not seem to last very long. My virgin relationship which was with C lasted only 3 weeks. My next one with J which did not even begin at all lasted only 2 weeks. Wonder how long will the next one be if it ever does come......
I would like to think that it's not really my fault I got dumped for both my relationships but if the same denominator in both relationships is me, maybe there really is something wrong with me......
It's been a long while since I last wept like I did at work yesterday. And in the midst of 3 other colleagues! I knew I had to control myself and I could not come in contact with him, much less hug him......
One of my supervisor's leaving to study. He's the one colleague I feel most attached to because of the fact he is a believer and one of the nicest person around. I only came to realise how much a part of my world he was yesterday when he told me straight in the face he is going to study (i.e. leave us). It was worse than slapping me in the face. Apparently I was not the only one cos when I first entered the room where all three supervisors were, all were in tears. At first, I thought it was just some emo session they had while sharing some stuff. I still tried to be funny and acted as if I cried too and even applied some eyedrops to redden my eyes to look like them.
Okay this one's not too obvious......
Hmmm, this one's not obvious as well.....
That's me prior to finding out the facts. Trust me, after I found out what happened I did not need any eyedrops anymore......
When I later found out the truth, I went silent for quite a while. At the back of my mind, all the thoughts of how I could not survive without him practically drowned me. He is a pillar of strength to many of us here. To me, he really is the epitome of a true Christian. I knew I should go up to him and to give him my blessings but I really could not. It was really beyond me, way beyond me. I knew if I hugged him, I would break down. So I stayed where I was while still trying to take in all he had said.
Then the moment came. He walked over and hugged me. I broke down. I started to wept. As I hugged him, I could hear him praying under his breath. I tried to hold back but I knew it was no use. No use at all......
Looking back, I guess it's a good thing for him. He is pursuing what God has been telling him to do. He is going to study Divinity. Wish I could join him. In any case, who's to fight God. Guess I have to give him my blessings. One good thing is that at least I have someone else who can cause me more grief than J.
Been a really good boy and following the instructions of the pastor who prayed for me prior to my Taiwan trip and reading the bible from Genesis onwards. Came to chapter 41 which talks about Joseph and the names of his sons. I especially like verse 52 which mentions the name of his second son.
51 Joseph named the firstborn Manasseh, "For," he said, "God has made me forget all my trouble and all my father's household."
52 He named the second Ephraim, "For," he said, "(AL)God has made me fruitful in the land of my affliction."
I am especially encouraged by the reason the name Ephraim was given to the second son. I am also believing for God to make me fruitful in the land of my affliction. I think I have this notion that fruitfulness means that everything is going smoothly in my life. But from the verse above I suppose I can deduce that I can be fruitful even when things are not going my way or even in 'the land of affliction'.
Also trusting God to make me forget all my trouble as well. Hmmm, seems like quite some way to go but God can do it! :)
Think I am starting to get good at spotting what I do not have and envy others for it. That's not good. I am sure I have qualities and things others yearn to have but do not. Then again, in both cases I am still comparing myself to others which is a big no no if I want to lead a contented and peaceful life. Quite tired of trying to be someone else and failing miserably at it. But more often than not, I somehow subconsciously move to the place of starting the vicious cycle again. God, I really need some help......
I expected to be high up in the air today, spilling over from the trip I just had. Unfortunately, things did not turn out that way. I found myself needing to control myself from losing my cool and getting angry cos of some incidents while I was away. Thank God I am feeling much better now. Looking forward to the gym later. Have not been there for almost 2 weeks already. God I need to work out...... :)
Yes! I am back. Sigh. Kind of enjoyed my trip. Wanted to write about it today but I guess I'll leave it to another time. Still trying to adjust back to perspiring every now and then and having to start work tomorrow.
Think I might just be too excited. Just could not sleep till the alarm rang (which is really rare). Guess this will be my last blog till a week or so later. Still have some stuff unsettled on my mind, but guess it's no point worrying about it since there's nothing much I can do for now. Think yesterday's session at the 'Oracle' helped somewhat. Went to life group last night as well. :)
Father, thank you for the opportunity for me to travel and to have fun. All my cares are in Your big hands. All the fun are in my hands. :) Thank you Father for your divine protection and wisdom. Thank you Father for keeping us unified. In Jesus' name,...... Amen!
Pretty much done packing. Hope I have not left out anything. It's really been a while since I last embarked on such a long trip, at least long to me. Guess I can say that I am pretty excited. Then again, I do have some mixed feelings as well. This trip should have been made last October and with J for that matter. To a certain extent I still wish it was with J, but God has been good to allow me to go enjoy myself howbeit without J. Hmmm, I guess I am glad what's supposed to be over is over. Time to go enjoy myself with my cousins. TAIWAN, HERE I COME!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Err that's tomorrow actually...... :)
Went to see the 'Oracle' of sorts this morning. Heard from my sis that this pastor's ministry is very accurate in the prophetic so I decided to go. It felt kind of scary at first and I felt like a school kid waiting to get his results or something. My sis and I were made to go pray in tongues in another room while waiting for our turn. When it was our turn we were brought to a big room and made to lie on mattresses beside the pastor. Hmmm, might as well be ministered to in comfort right?
The pastor ministered to my sis first then to me. He got me to pray in tongues and had his helpers interpret it. It was interesting in that some of the words of knowledge given by his helpers were pretty accurate. One of them was saying that one reason I was not able to move on in life was that I was feeling guilt over my past. Spot on.
Most of what the helpers said was not directional. It was only at the end when the pastor concluded my ministry by instructing me to read the bible from Genesis to Revelation. He said that God would speak to me through there. Hmmm, in a way directional and in a way not. Okay, time to get back into the word......
Think it's gonna be an interesting 3 months from tomorrow on. My aunt and 3 cousins will be moving into my place. I do not know what to make of it, considering I was only informed last night. Guess there would be little inconveniences but then again, the company should well make up for it,...... I hope.
Yap! Imagine someone totally elated to collect his medication and to consume them. That's me. I was at my dermatologist this morning to see how my blood test results were and whether I could go ahead with my Vit A treatment. Felt like a student waiting for his year-end academic results. And the blood test results were good, much to my delight. My liver function normal, my HDL high and my LDL low. Woo hoo! So my doctor gave me the go ahead for the treatment. Even now, I am still high over the fact I could go ahead with the medication. Wierd guy I know......
Been reading other people's blog a fair bit of late. It seems like everyone or almost everyone think they have been through a lot in life. Guess what? I feel the same way too. But when I look at people around me or whom I hear about, I can't say that anymore. When I look around me, I realised I am actually very sheltered.
Just saw a patient today who came into my room with his helper in front. Upon checking his vision, I realised why he needed to. He was practically blind in both eyes. Apparently he had this eye condition which has no cure which leaves a person as good as blind. According to what her said, he mentioned that he had the condition over 10 years ago which means for the few decades prior he would have had much better vision. Being in the eye business, I can understand practically what he has been through and I can only say it's far from easy. Imagine going from decent vision to practically total blindness. Imagine going from independence to total reliance. Sad but true.....
There are a number of other stories I have heard so far but by the time I relate them, I think I might be suicidal but the main point I am driving at is that for me and many of us, our supposed big problems really ain't that big after all. It's a matter of perspective. Of course, to just totally bang on that fact would mean belittling a lot of what we have gone through, including myself. The problem for me is that I have often used the challenges I have or are going through as an excuse not to move on.
Unfortunately, the world still goes on and I feel very left behind which then adds to the misery I already feel. So, it becomes an endless spiral down a bottomless pit. So, unless I stop all my nonsense, there really is no meaning to life at all. God, I really need wisdom and strength. It really is time to move on despite all that has happened in the past.....
Just when I thought that my emotions are pretty much dead, I am proven wrong. I think I am feeling excited. Yeah, excited. About? My Taiwan trip! I thought it would just be a emo-less trip but I seriously am starting to get excited about it. Think I am changed since my Batam trip.....
It's rare for me to be spiritual nowadays. Today happens to be one of those days. I was having breakfast with a friend this morning when I was reminded about this passage of scripture from Matthew 21: 28-31 which goes:
28"What do you think? There was a man who had two sons. He went to the first and said, 'Son, go and work today in the vineyard.' 29" 'I will not,' he answered, but later he changed his mind and went. 30"Then the father went to the other son and said the same thing. He answered, 'I will, sir,' but he did not go. 31"Which of the two did what his father wanted?"
"The first," they answered.
I guess I am somewhat like the first son. I know what I am to do but yet I knowingly rebelled against what I know to do. But somewhere along the way, I changed my mind and decided to do things God's way. Feel like I am almost at that stage already. Am too tired and drained rebelling against what I know is right.
What got my attention somewhat was the question Jesus asked at the end of the parable. "Which one did what his father wanted?" At the end of the day, God was only interested in us doing what he wanted. Guess I started really late. But I am coming to that place.......
Next, I was attending the Mandarin service and Pastor was preaching about the prodigal son. He was illustrating how the father welcomed his son back with open arms despite all the pain, shame he caused him. Again, I see myself in the son's shoes. I always had a disdain for people who claimed to be Christians yet behaved in such a way which I felt embarrassed Christians. Well, after living the way I did for the past few months, I really am far from proud, to say the least. But from the parable, the father who depicts God did not even seem conscious of all the shame the son caused him and was just glad he had his son back.
Okay, I am practically won over. Really am too tired to live this kind of life. Father, I really need Your help and strength to continue this road, doing what You want instead of what I want......
I was listening to a friend recently share her testimony and I was really encouraged by it. She was talking about how she feels so blessed, having found her soul mate. She seemed pretty content to stay single all her life and just seeking God. But God recently brought her a soul mate. And she was contrasting between her previous relationship with a married man and her present relationship. She was describing how though in the natural she felt that there was security but yet there was turmoil inside. Now she feels peace within.
There was much more that she shared but for some reason I can't seem to pen it down in words. But I am encouraged by it. Though I feel my situation is somehow different but I am sure God knows how to take care of me......
My mum surprises me sometimes. I wish she would do so more often but I shall learn to be content. :) Despite her mostly illogical way of thinking, she surprised me when she was telling me today about being content.
I followed her for her follow up appointment with her respiratory doctor at Gleneagles hospital today. I surprised myself when I managed to keep in step with her most of the time. Usually I would be walking ahead of her and there would be no communication at all. Today, I was pretty much beside her. Much improvement I must say. After her appointment, we walked over to Tanglin Mall for lunch. We chatted about work and she was telling me how a number of companies have attempted to bring her over but she had not given them the time of day.
She then told me about how she was content with her present job though the pay might be lesser than outside. Though I seldom really listen to her, my antenna was up this time cos she was making sense. Somehow, I knew God was speaking through her to teach me about being content in life.
I can't remember when I ever gave up a relationship to pursue God. Was reading the blog of a celeb whom I have come to befriend on facebook about him giving up on a girl he so liked so that he could focus on God. Might have given up a relationship for God many years back but now, I dread to think of such a situation. I think I really need to walk closely with Him......
I knew I had to pray prior to talking to mum last night. After going through much stuff with her, I really dreaded the thought of having to sit down with her to talk about serious stuff like her eye. But I knew it was only a matter of time and earlier would be better than later. So I decided to pray prior.
Surprisingly, the talk went well. Had to convince her to take more supplements and she agreed to it. Of course, I am hoping she sticks to it as well......
No. 1 What is the extent I would go to look better?
Just returned from having my blood drawn prior to going on medication for my acne problem. Next week I will be going to see my dermatologist to get the medication should the tests results be okay. For someone who is particular bout the kind of stuff I put into my body that is really a compromise. Even when my dermatologist got me to go on prolonged antibiotics I cringed. I was delighted to have finally got off the antibiotic treatment and now I am on to something even more potent, just to save my face. Good thing my company would absorb a large part of the treatment cost cos the medication is really expensive.
No. 2 Where do I get motivation to go back to my music routine?
I have not kept to any form of discipline when it comes to my music. I have no idea how I am gonna start again. Each time I realised a month has passed, I feel plagued by the guilt of not having practiced much and the potential I could have reached had I stuck to something for long.
No. 3 Why am I still alive?
I think one reason I felt a whole lot better after I returned from the Batam trip is because I did something I would not have normally done in a long while. I helped people. People who would not be able to repay me in the natural. So I guess that helped a little. There must be more to life......
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