Decisions decisions

Have been thinking of going back to music lessons aggressively after my reno. Thinking of taking up violin as well. Ambitious right? Very. I figure that if I cannot put my time to good use anyway I may as well do something constructive with it. Certainly beats giving my mind too much time to get emo and finally go down the wrong path again. Too much heartache. Not worth it at all. Hmmm, okay something to carefully consider......

Phil 4:19

Says: And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus.

 That's my verse for meditation today. I really feel I have a strong need emotionally for a soul mate for a while already. And that is what God will supply. Amen!

Frustrated!

I had to spend some time praying in tongues before I could calm my mind down just now. Sometimes I wonder whether is it my expectations that are too high, or common sense is no longer common nowadays. Was having issues with my contractor in regards to my room reno these few days. I find it hard to believe that I pay hard earned money to people who solve my problems and yet they don't do so, or do so in such a bad way.

I wanted a sliding panel in my toilet and my contractor, after going back and forth with me could only offer me a white set. I refused to accept that because I myself have personally seen a silver one before. I decided to check out with some suppliers on my own and the very first one I phoned could offer me a variety of colors to choose from. That got me really pissed. Do I have to pay for something and yet source for it on my own? Hmmm, I thought the contractors are supposed to have more contacts than I do? So tomorrow I'll have to go down personally to Katong to see what they can offer me. WTF! So does the contractor pay me instead since I am doing his job for him?

Sometimes I wonder to myself if I am too demanding or unreasonable. My conclusion is simple. I deserve what I pay for and their service is simply crap to say the least. I find it detestable for people to want to offer a service, charge for it and not deliver. Please, go bust for goodness sake. Businesses like yours does not deserve to be doing well at all. :(

Lesson Today

Had a stretching but enjoyable vocal lesson today. It was fun and Alice has always been very encouraging. Towards the end of the lesson we were chatting about her student prior to me. She was from City Harvest and she had a really beautiful voice. Then I commented that life is unfair implying that some people seem to just have great voices while people like me have to work so hard to attain some success in it.

What she replied to my comment was kind of interesting. She said something to the effect that your life is in your own hands. That spoke volumes to me. Loads of thoughts went past my mind in that moment. In one sense I agreed with her but yet in another I begged to defer.

In the context of what we were talking about, it is a fact that some people just have a good voice to start with. Yes they may need a little polishing and smoothening but the foundation is pretty much there. While there are others, who may have had years of training and yet not really get even close to the former. See my point?

Then we came to another point, which was accepting oneself. That's another biggie to me. Accepting myself just as I am, and not being judgmental with myself. Hmmm, seems like I learn much more than singing whenever I go for my vocal class. Thanks Alice......

Expectations

Was thinking back to the recent KL trip I made with my church friend. He is 12 years younger than me. Yet we had so much fun together. Was trying to figure out why. One of the reasons I think is probably due to expectations. I guess I went, not expecting much from him. We could talk about almost anything under the sun. Sorry, I know I sound random. Just can't seem to pen down what's going through my mind. :(

My Bad Experince In Kl

Rather than try to rewrite my story and get myself all worked up again, I thought I'd just post my complaint letter to the hotel and I suppose it'll tell the story......

Dear Sir/ Mdm,
       I write with great disappointment in regards to the service rendered in Senspa, the massage parlour of your hotel. I went down for a massage with a friend on the 21st at around 8:30 p.m. When I was near done with the massage your masseur asked if I wanted "extra" service to which I declined. I expected the conversation to end there but she did not relent. She continued her attempt to coax me to take up the service to which I even had to give her reasons why I did not want her services. She even asked me sensitive questions and we even ended up talking about religion before she gave up on pushing the service on me.

       I left feeling humiliated and embarrassed. I came with the intention of feeling relaxed and I left with absolutely negative feelings. It is hard to believe that such a reputable hotel like yours can offer such services to your clients. This is my second stay with your hotel with the intention of making it my hotel of choice whenever I am in Kl. But with such experiences I do not see why I should continue to do so. This is an embarrassment both to me and to your hotel. I sincerely hope that some form of action will be taken against the spa for offering such services, or you can be sure this will be the last you hear from me. I will also not hesitate to tell my experience on internet reviews when it comes to your hotel.

Back From Kl

Noooooo, I am back! Sigh, had such a good time I did not wanna come back. Went with a church friend Caile. We ate, shopped (a little) and watched movies! Overall, everything went great except for one incident which was quite traumatic for me. Will write about it soon I hope.

 View from the room......

 Us at dinner time......

 We actually took time to work out!

 Nothing surprising to see guys so messy right?

 Caile facebooking, and so was I......

 The city at night......

We caught 2 movies! Each at RM 10 each! At peak hours!

Kl

Yeah! Time to make another trip. Now on my way to the airport to fly to Kl. Woohoo! Best part is I can blog on the go! Hmmm, must say I am pretty excited, which is really rare nowadays. K lag, will blog again when I return. I'll be back.

Brokenhearted?

Are you brokenhearted? Have you experienced things or events in life that have left you different emotionally since. You may not be able to point a finger to it but somehow life has never been the same since. The color of life seems duller. You seem unable to see things as clearly as you did before. Everytime you seem to be looking through fogged up glasses at everything around you.

You know what? You might just be carrying around the remants of a broken heart. Wonder how many of us are like that? You think time would heal the wounds only to find out the wounds have remained or worse, become infected. I think all these relates to me at some point or another.

It was only recently when I was watching a broadcast of a lady minister Beth Moore that I realised that I am walking around with the remants of a broken heart, both from sin and an unfruitful relationship. Much to my delight I realised that God really does care about my heart and my wellbeing.

It says in Psalm 147:3 that God heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Unfortunately, many of us (myself included) walk about with open wounds and it is God's heart to bind up our wounds so that we can start healing. We do not have to go on with life suffering the pains and potential dangers of a broken heart anymore. Isaiah 61 spells out very clearly that one of the Messiah's job is to bind up the brokenhearted and to proclaim liberty to the captives (captivity being one of the symptoms of a brokenheart). So again we see how much God wants to comfort and heal the brokenhearted.

I like 1 Samuel 16:7 which shows the character of God when it say that God looks at the heart while man look at outward appearances. Imagine how much it pains God when He, Who always looks at hearts, see broken hearts everywhere. Bearing all these in mind, I want to start walking in wholeness of heart so that when God sees me, He will see a good and whole heart, not a broken one. I am sure that will please Him a lot.  ;)

Feeling Guilty

I think I have this instilled in me since young, and that is you gotta work really hard then you get to enjoy. I feel kind of bad that I've been taking a lot of vacations this year but I have not been working hard at all. I sort of have an idea where I'll be going next year already.

Jan: Korea
Feb:
March: Israel
April or May: Japan

See, my next year's schedule is pretty much out. I sure am a busy man.....

Video

My colleague took this video while trying out my new phone. Kind of dumb but funny.

Youth Olympics

It's the next big thing in Singapore now. We are hosting the Youth Olympics 2010! A great boost to our ego. Such a big event in such a small nation. One of the events that really grabs my attention is the gymnastics. I always enjoy watching the athletes move with such grace and precision. Just a slight off balance and the whole performance is affected. Not to mention all the guys' built, the dream of every or most men.

Watching the events got me thinking again about life as a whole. I do not dare to imagine how many hours a day are invested into practice for these youths. All to lead up to this one event every few years. "Being the best that you can be" keeps ringing in my head as I watch them do their thing. What can I do each day to become the best that I can be in any and every area of my life? What do I need to give? Can I start anew with my life? What if I have wasted a large portion of it? These are the questions that linger even as I plan for the rest of my life.

I like the portion of Philippians when Paul states: "Forgetting what lies behind......". I so need to internalise it now. "Reaching forward to what lies ahead......". I know that God really wants me to move on. I really need to move on. Jesus, help!

I phone 4

I phone 4. Stylish. Sexy. Just the way I like it. What's nice about it is that I own one as of Friday the 13th. What's even better is that it's free! Ha! Paid $508 for a 16G together with a protection screen. Decided that I would ask Dad to sponsor it while I was at his place just now. Of course he would not turn me down. There's too much at stake! Haha!

Joel 2:25

“ So I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten,
      The crawling locust,
      The consuming locust,
      And the chewing locust,
      My great army which I sent among you."

The Past

<sup>As I stood waiting for the train today, I was thinking about some stuff. I was thinking about how I am going to pick up the pieces in my life and how I am going to move on, having made so mistakes and having wasted so much time. I then asked God to help me. Then the verse below surfaced to my mind. It is from Philippians 3.

13</sup>Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead,
 ¹⁴I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

These 2 verses brought me much comfort. I know God has not given up on me and will not do so. Thank you Father.

BAD Service

As I go about doing more and more shopping, I realised that the service generally is really bad. Recently, I went to GNC in the hope of picking up some form of probiotics. I asked the salesgirl for assistance and she passed to me digestive enzymes instead. Crap. Had I been as stupid as she was, I would have bought it only to find out later that I bought the wrong product. Is it that difficult to seek assistance if you do not know? Even after almost a decade in the optical line, I still find myself seeking my bosses' opinion cos I know they are way more experienced than I am. Duh!

I just returned from Best Denki in Takashimaya and I was totally turned off by one of their staff's service. I first asked one of the staff if there was a certain kind of fridge I wanted. She immediately replied no. Then another staff came by and said that there was, but not to the exact detail I would like. She then started to try to convince me that the other model was great as well. She was basically pushing her sales. Then when she finally showed me a fridge I was okay with, I found out that the dimensions might be off. Then off she went talking about the dimensions were okay. Absolutely disgusting!

Then we have those who can hardly speak a word of English doing sales. I wonder what the company's thinking when they hired such people. I think they might not realised that Singapore is a multi-racial country and our common language is English. Imagine if a Malay or Indian steps into a shop and needs assistance. Then the salesperson speaks only Mandarin. Hmmm, is it so hard to predict this will happen? Oh please.

Okay, enough of my rantings. Need to go get some rest.

Getting My Priorities Right

Been thinking about stuff lately. Thinking of taking it slow in my gym sessions. Been quite disappointed of late whenever I weigh myself. Seems like I'll never shoot past 53kg man. All the effort, all the money and all the consistency does not seem to pay off. Right now, I feel like killing all mesomorphs.

Anyway, the seemingly right thing to do is to channel my energies to other more productive stuff. Think I'll focus more on just staying healthy insted of trying to bulk up. So I think I'll do more cardio from now on. Yar, think that's the way to go. So good bye to my dream of becoming muscular. Sigh......

Patriotism

As I thought about the word 'patriotism', a memory flashed back to a scene in 27 Carmichael Road, which was my very first home. I was in the living room and in front of me was a hi-fi playing 'Count on me Singapore'. It was during those days where we still used cassette players. Shows how old I really am.

Having been through a number of national days, I feel that this day has really lost it's meaning to me. Of course, I do appreciate the off day I get but that's really about it. I think especially of late, I have really lost my 'loyalty' to this country. Having heard and seen so many decisions made by our leaders has left me really sceptical about our leadership.

I can't remember when was the last time I ever said our national pledge, but for good reason. I cringe when I come to the line 'to build a democratic society, based on justice and equality'. I seriously wonder if any of the leaders feel the same way when they recite this line or has this just become some mantra that we just mutter without giving any thought.

Just a food for thought. I remember this incident a long time ago when someone from U.S. was caught vandalising in Singapore. We decided to cane that joker. I believe it was Bill Clinton who was President at that time and he specially pleaded for that joker to be spared of the cane. It did not go through. The man got his strokes with our famous 'rotan'. I remember at that time I was pretty impressed with our judicial system. Yeah, give it to him! I might be wrong about this but should a simiar situation crop up now, would we still be as firm as we were many years back?

To be fair, I have my part to play in all these. As I thought about the faults of our present leadership, I was reminded that the bible talks very clearly in the book of Romans that we believers are to pray for our leadership. That part, I seem to have conveniently forgotten. Should I have made it a point to pray for our leadership every time I have a complaint who knows how different it might have been now. So I stand convicted by the scriptures. And I will make it a point to pray for our leadership every time I have some ill feelings toward them. God help me......

Being Judgemental

I have no idea how many times I have been taught this lesson, yet I still stumble in it. I was seeing a patient a couple of days ago for fitting of a pair of glasses. The boy was about 4 or something. He was really cranky that day and I had a hard time trying to help him select a frame suitable for him. His dad spent a lot of time trying to coax him into trying the frame, but to no avail. So in the end we had to wait till he was asleep and I had to estimate the fitting instead of trying it proper on him. Frustrating to say the least. After the saga, my colleague was commenting that the patient seemed spoilt. I told her he was definitely a spoilt brat.

Next came the collection. They patient had high power so the glasses would take longer time to make. Worse of all they came on the last week prior to school opening so that made things a little more tight. The father then decided to bring him down after school one of these days. He then called on Monday and asked whether the glasses were ready to be collected on the same day. I replied that he could come down on Tuesday after I confirmed with the manufacturer. By then I was quite irritated because I had already informed him that the glasses would take some time to be ready and I would definitely call him when they arrive. After that he passed me over to his wife who had a ton of questions to ask because she was not around during the prior appointment. After I hung up, I was telling another colleague that they were a nuisance, which was really mean cos their surname was 'Nguyen' and I conveniently insulted that.

It was only after that when I found out that the reason the father called up to inquire about the glasses was because he was planning for a business trip around collecting the glasses. Oops! Then when they turned up, the boy was pretty much well behaved and followed all his dad's instructions like greeting me, allowing me to fit the glasses on him, thanking me, etc. The reason he was so cranky during the last visit was because of some eyedrops we had placed on him which caused him to be drowsy. After that, they gave me some cookies which they bought from Starbucks. Ouch! That was painful. All my judgements were totally off. I was really taken aback. Okay, another lesson learnt. Hopefully, I would learn not to shoot off too fast from now on......

The Sorcerer's Apprentice

I always enjoy watching Disney movies for this simple reason: The good guys will always live and win while the bad guys will always lose and die. This fits well into my paradigm of life. Watched this movie yesterday and I must say that I enjoyed it thoroughly. Loads of magic and the special effects were good. Do catch it if you can and especially if you are like me: The good guys must always win and the bad guys lose....... ;)

Doing Things Alone

I think the word 'alone' is probably going to be the next vulgar word in my vocab. As I mentioned before I have always dreaded doing certain things alone. One example would be watching movies. I see the pros and the cons of watching movies alone. For one, I have watched movies with people who needed to ask questions every now and then. Or make comments like 'lame' every now and then, as if I would be interested to know how they feel towards the show. But still sometimes I do yearn to have some company as I go about my favourite hobby.

I can understand why I feel so. It's the subconscious or maybe not so subconscious stigma of 'only losers will go to the movies alone'. I wondered if I was the only one who felt that there was something amiss in going to the cinemas alone and my question was answered when I bumped into a colleague and her bf after a movie alone at AMK hub. I saw her and her bf coming up the escalator and surprised them. She then found out I was watching a movie alone and she said something to the effect that I should have asked her to accompany me. So I guess it's common knowledge that no one should watch a movie alone. Surprisingly I did not feel sheepish about it like I usually do. For one, I would usually watch at Jubilee, a super secluded cinema whenever I watch movies alone. This time I watched it at the hub.

Then, it's as if God was teasing me. I bumped into my best friend and his wife together with another couple friend as I made my way home after that. Again I was the one who made the move to say hi though they did not notice me. Kind of weird for me to do that. I guess I have gotten used to that. Anyway, I suppose I should make myself very comfortable doing things alone for some time to come while I trust God to bring 'the one' into my life. Till then,......