Monday, January 31, 2011
So It Is Confirmed
Just found out my ex is getting married. Gonna start PMC in Feb. Great! Happy for her. Anyone else's better than me I suppose...... *cynical laughs*
Sunday, January 30, 2011
** Week 4 Of Goals 2011
It's amazing how time flies. It's been 4 weeks since I started with my goals for 2011. Let's see my progress......
1) Work. Hmmm, it's been a pretty busy week so I had less time on the books. But, I managed to start reading a little on binocular vision, which is like the basics before picking up orthoptics. It was quite traumatic I must admit. As I read some of the terms, flashback of my school days came back to mind. Yes, it was that traumatic! But I guess I just gotta be patient as I start recalling back those stuff. *cringe* I am also planning more for my London trip. Oh, I started reading on myopia as well.
2) Physical. I have started on my BFL (excluding the cardio) program for a week already. Did 2 sessions of upper body and 1 session of lower body. It was really tough! But I like it cos it helps with endurance as well. Only problem was I fell sick in the middle of the week with my stomach issues so that stalled things a little. I think I might have pulled a muscle or something cos I am feeling pain whenever I lift my right shoulder. Never experienced this before. Think I might have been injured by poor form. Will monitor the situation. Hopefully it's nothing serious. Don't wanna stop the progress.
3) Relational. Nothing much transpired. But I have forced myself to attend the men's meeting for lifegroup on 9th feb. Hopefully that's a start to something good.
4) Spiritual. Things been okay. Led worship on Fri and prayed for a friend today so I am just glad God is using me. Otherwise, nothing very much transpired. Oh, learned a big lesson today in church. Pastor was talking about end time finances today and he shared about Matthew 5:5 which says the meek shall inherit the Earth. He defined the meek as those who have the strength or power but do not show it. He then used it in the context of finance and said that the meek are those who live within their means financially. Very interesting. Never saw it this way before.
5) Music. Been practicing a little less this week with the music. Realised I have been neglecting the piano. Okie, coming week I will focus more on piano and singing.
Hmmm, next week will be CNY week. Hopefully, I can spend more time with all I need to do and less time on leisure. We'll see.
1) Work. Hmmm, it's been a pretty busy week so I had less time on the books. But, I managed to start reading a little on binocular vision, which is like the basics before picking up orthoptics. It was quite traumatic I must admit. As I read some of the terms, flashback of my school days came back to mind. Yes, it was that traumatic! But I guess I just gotta be patient as I start recalling back those stuff. *cringe* I am also planning more for my London trip. Oh, I started reading on myopia as well.
2) Physical. I have started on my BFL (excluding the cardio) program for a week already. Did 2 sessions of upper body and 1 session of lower body. It was really tough! But I like it cos it helps with endurance as well. Only problem was I fell sick in the middle of the week with my stomach issues so that stalled things a little. I think I might have pulled a muscle or something cos I am feeling pain whenever I lift my right shoulder. Never experienced this before. Think I might have been injured by poor form. Will monitor the situation. Hopefully it's nothing serious. Don't wanna stop the progress.
3) Relational. Nothing much transpired. But I have forced myself to attend the men's meeting for lifegroup on 9th feb. Hopefully that's a start to something good.
4) Spiritual. Things been okay. Led worship on Fri and prayed for a friend today so I am just glad God is using me. Otherwise, nothing very much transpired. Oh, learned a big lesson today in church. Pastor was talking about end time finances today and he shared about Matthew 5:5 which says the meek shall inherit the Earth. He defined the meek as those who have the strength or power but do not show it. He then used it in the context of finance and said that the meek are those who live within their means financially. Very interesting. Never saw it this way before.
5) Music. Been practicing a little less this week with the music. Realised I have been neglecting the piano. Okie, coming week I will focus more on piano and singing.
Hmmm, next week will be CNY week. Hopefully, I can spend more time with all I need to do and less time on leisure. We'll see.
Singlehood
I have been wanting to write about this for the longest time. Really want to get some things off my chest. So now that I have some spare time or some carved out time, I will attempt to pen my thoughts about it.
To me this word is almost like a vulgarity of sorts as with the word 'celibacy'. I believe many are also like minded with this attitude. It seems like to the world being alone or single is like being a loser of sorts. Somehow I get a lot of such questions like 'Got girlfriend or not?', 'How come don't have?', 'Your standard too high is it?' or something like that. Even I ask that often in my conversations. Seems like a good conversation filler of sorts. And I don't blame people for that cos even in the bible God said that it was not good for man to be alone. And I find myself very challenged, not so much in getting attached but in the attitude of feeling like a loser now that after being alive for almost 33 years, I am still single.
Worse is that I find myself subconsciously avoiding the subject and even trying to divert the subject when asked if I am attached, instead of proudly or at least saying it unawkwardly (forgive my bad English) I am single and avoiding the word 'still'. It almost feels like I am a lower life form or second class human now that I am still(there you go!) single. Why should I be embarrassed about being single? Why should I feel like I am a loser that I am single?
I think the most painful part of it all is not that I chose to be single. I feel like I am being forced to be single. In my life till now, I can proudly say I have befriended many (and I am choosing my words wisely here) good quality ladies. Ladies who have character and are the nicest girls any man can find. Even in my workplace I can already name a couple of ladies who are really good people. I have yet to come to church context. Unfortunately having gone through a unique journey of self discovery I came to realise I have the potential of hurting the other party as well as myself due to my character and attitude I came to a conclusion it is really better not to start any bgr since the likelihood of failure is really high in my own estimation. So there you go, a forced choice which is not actually a choice.
Not that I have not tried. If you go to one of my first few post in this blog, you would see my writing about this girl I tried to woo in church. Even up to today (close to 3 years later), I still find it smarting whenever I see her with her boyfriend. Worse is that it is not natural talking to her as a friend anymore. Even though I believed she moved on, I can't seem to say so on my side. Yet, I am more than aware that I really failed her as boyfriend. I should be thankful that she even gave me a chance to step out into a bgr with her.
So, moving on, I can only see myself as being single for now till Jesus returns. Am I gonna have to go through these feelings of low self-esteem everytime someone asks about my bgr status? And frankly, the future does not look too bright. With the only assurance that my age is sure to increase and in time to come I will hit my forties, either I have a total mental shift or I can expect more issues to crop up as I age. Hmmm, gloom and misery! :( Okie, before I totally drown in the ocean of misery I better go get a breather. Will prob continue this another time when my head is more clear,...... till next time......
To me this word is almost like a vulgarity of sorts as with the word 'celibacy'. I believe many are also like minded with this attitude. It seems like to the world being alone or single is like being a loser of sorts. Somehow I get a lot of such questions like 'Got girlfriend or not?', 'How come don't have?', 'Your standard too high is it?' or something like that. Even I ask that often in my conversations. Seems like a good conversation filler of sorts. And I don't blame people for that cos even in the bible God said that it was not good for man to be alone. And I find myself very challenged, not so much in getting attached but in the attitude of feeling like a loser now that after being alive for almost 33 years, I am still single.
Worse is that I find myself subconsciously avoiding the subject and even trying to divert the subject when asked if I am attached, instead of proudly or at least saying it unawkwardly (forgive my bad English) I am single and avoiding the word 'still'. It almost feels like I am a lower life form or second class human now that I am still(there you go!) single. Why should I be embarrassed about being single? Why should I feel like I am a loser that I am single?
I think the most painful part of it all is not that I chose to be single. I feel like I am being forced to be single. In my life till now, I can proudly say I have befriended many (and I am choosing my words wisely here) good quality ladies. Ladies who have character and are the nicest girls any man can find. Even in my workplace I can already name a couple of ladies who are really good people. I have yet to come to church context. Unfortunately having gone through a unique journey of self discovery I came to realise I have the potential of hurting the other party as well as myself due to my character and attitude I came to a conclusion it is really better not to start any bgr since the likelihood of failure is really high in my own estimation. So there you go, a forced choice which is not actually a choice.
Not that I have not tried. If you go to one of my first few post in this blog, you would see my writing about this girl I tried to woo in church. Even up to today (close to 3 years later), I still find it smarting whenever I see her with her boyfriend. Worse is that it is not natural talking to her as a friend anymore. Even though I believed she moved on, I can't seem to say so on my side. Yet, I am more than aware that I really failed her as boyfriend. I should be thankful that she even gave me a chance to step out into a bgr with her.
So, moving on, I can only see myself as being single for now till Jesus returns. Am I gonna have to go through these feelings of low self-esteem everytime someone asks about my bgr status? And frankly, the future does not look too bright. With the only assurance that my age is sure to increase and in time to come I will hit my forties, either I have a total mental shift or I can expect more issues to crop up as I age. Hmmm, gloom and misery! :( Okie, before I totally drown in the ocean of misery I better go get a breather. Will prob continue this another time when my head is more clear,...... till next time......
** Friday And Sunday
It felt good to be used by God. I think possibly at the back of my mind, there is this naggy feeling that God's through with me after so long.
Was on my way back from getting tea for a church friend when I bumped into another friend. I thought it was just a hi-bye thingy but we actually chatted for a while. She was sharing with me how she was at a crossroad in her work and was contemplating a big jump into an area she's really not experienced in. We talked a little before I initiated to pray for her, which is another biggie cos I do not have the habit of doing so. I prayed for her and released a word to her. That was really good!
Then on my way to the gents prior to worship I bumped into my life group leader Dawn who encouraged me in regards to my sharing on Friday before I led the group into worship. She said that I shared a verse she shared with a friend on the same day and gave her a perspective of that verse (James 4:8) which she had never seen before. She then encouraged me with a word which was to go crazy for sharing and worship. So that was encouraging to me. That God would use me now. But during worship I felt God tell me that those are not the important stuff. What He really wants is me. Wow, I thought that would encourage me. But, it did not seem to. Cos it seems easier to do things for God then to give Him me. To surrender myself in absolute abandonment to Him seems really tough to say the least. I seriously doubt I can do it. But then again, what else is there to do?
Was on my way back from getting tea for a church friend when I bumped into another friend. I thought it was just a hi-bye thingy but we actually chatted for a while. She was sharing with me how she was at a crossroad in her work and was contemplating a big jump into an area she's really not experienced in. We talked a little before I initiated to pray for her, which is another biggie cos I do not have the habit of doing so. I prayed for her and released a word to her. That was really good!
Then on my way to the gents prior to worship I bumped into my life group leader Dawn who encouraged me in regards to my sharing on Friday before I led the group into worship. She said that I shared a verse she shared with a friend on the same day and gave her a perspective of that verse (James 4:8) which she had never seen before. She then encouraged me with a word which was to go crazy for sharing and worship. So that was encouraging to me. That God would use me now. But during worship I felt God tell me that those are not the important stuff. What He really wants is me. Wow, I thought that would encourage me. But, it did not seem to. Cos it seems easier to do things for God then to give Him me. To surrender myself in absolute abandonment to Him seems really tough to say the least. I seriously doubt I can do it. But then again, what else is there to do?
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Think this will be the second last wedding, forever!
If not for the fact I promised to be one of the 'brothers' of her fiance I think Caleb's wedding would have been the last for me. Don't get me wrong. I enjoyed most of it. I am happy that my buddy's getting married. But I could not help but feel really painful inside as my mind turned towards me and my life.
Wait. Before I go on, I thought I should comment on the food last night. It was really unacceptable. Out of the 4 or 5 dishes I had before I left, only one dish was good. The shark's fin with fish maw soup tasted much like fish maw soup with shark's fin. The jelly fish texture was bad and the taste was not fantastic either. I thought of letting the groom know but figured that it was kind of pointless to do so. So, after much consideration I thought it more practical to let you guys know. The wedding dinner was held at the Regent Hotel. Enough said.
Okie back to what I started out for. The wedding was great!
Wait. Before I go on, I thought I should comment on the food last night. It was really unacceptable. Out of the 4 or 5 dishes I had before I left, only one dish was good. The shark's fin with fish maw soup tasted much like fish maw soup with shark's fin. The jelly fish texture was bad and the taste was not fantastic either. I thought of letting the groom know but figured that it was kind of pointless to do so. So, after much consideration I thought it more practical to let you guys know. The wedding dinner was held at the Regent Hotel. Enough said.
Okie back to what I started out for. The wedding was great!
This was during the solemnization.
Edwin and Ernie
That's the bunch of us. Ernie commented that I was under dressed. To which I answered dressing is not important. It's the contents of the red packet that matters. ;)
Caleb sang as he went to 'pick up' Lilian from the entrance as they did their second march in. How romantic!
My other friend Caile was playing the accompaniment for Caleb as he sang. That made it even more special. As I sat there enjoying the event, all of the sudden, it seemed as if the camera had turned towards me. I felt that lonely feeling creeping on me. It was not too long before I started to feel depressed. Do not want to go too in depth into what I felt but suffice to say, it ruined my whole night. I could not sleep properly and I woke up a couple of times this morning. Pui! Anyway, I suppose I can say with relief it is finally over. Feeling much better now. Think I really should avoid weddings from now on.......
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Spam Spam Spam
Sunday, January 23, 2011
** Week 3 Of Goals 2011
Hmmm I am kind of ashamed in writing this cos this week I have been really slack, to say the least. Let's see what has been accomplished......
1) Work. For this aspect, I have really been slacking. Loads of stuff I wanna get done but have not gotten down to it. I really lack motivation even though I have been promoted recently. Other than some reading here and there, I am afraid I really need to put in more effort this week. God help me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2) Music. I have been pretty consistent with my sight reading. Good Job! Seems like I do better when I really do little things at a time. Keyboard and guitar rhythm practices have been usual. Singing success has been usual as well. Think I'll only progress to the next lesson after this week. Still need the practice.
3) Finance. I have pretty much paid off my upgrading for the flat. That leaves me a loan of about 73k. Now that I have only this loan to kill, I can channel more of my cpf to pay this one off. Hmmm, by estimation I should be able to kill this one as well in 7-8 years, or maybe less. Then, I'll be totally DEBT-FREE!!! Errr that is assuming I do not go out and buy a car on impulse. Anyway there's still another debt and that is to love one another. That debt, I do not intend to pay....... :)
4) Relational. I am reminded again to build deeper relationships within lifegroup. That, I am still finding it a challenge. Hmmm, gotta start somewhere I guess. Let's see, who shall be my victim? Am gonna go to Chinatown this tue with mama dearest to soak up the CNY feeling. Hope it works out. This year, CNY's a little different cos dad will be around. So, for once in many years, there will be a reunion dinner. Frankly I do not know what to make of it. But for now, it is a necessary evil I must go through. God, please help me change my attitude. The least I could do at this present moment is to enjoy the reunion which has been absent for so many years......
5) Physical. I have been into bodyweight conditioning for slightly over 2 weeks already. Am intending to progress to weights training tomorrow. Hope it goes well. Let's see: Biceps: 12" Butt: 32.7" Chest: 31" Waist 27" Thigh: 17.5" Calf 13". Hmmm, Okie let's see how much bulk we can put up in the coming weeks. According to my weighing scale, I am 53.5 kg.
6) Spiritual. Not too good man. My emotions been in an upheaval of late. Oh God, I really need help here. The devotion's fine. Just that I don't seem to be concentrating well. Oh, and this week, other than leading worship, my leader told me to share on worship as well. Not too prepared for that but we'll see......
1) Work. For this aspect, I have really been slacking. Loads of stuff I wanna get done but have not gotten down to it. I really lack motivation even though I have been promoted recently. Other than some reading here and there, I am afraid I really need to put in more effort this week. God help me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2) Music. I have been pretty consistent with my sight reading. Good Job! Seems like I do better when I really do little things at a time. Keyboard and guitar rhythm practices have been usual. Singing success has been usual as well. Think I'll only progress to the next lesson after this week. Still need the practice.
3) Finance. I have pretty much paid off my upgrading for the flat. That leaves me a loan of about 73k. Now that I have only this loan to kill, I can channel more of my cpf to pay this one off. Hmmm, by estimation I should be able to kill this one as well in 7-8 years, or maybe less. Then, I'll be totally DEBT-FREE!!! Errr that is assuming I do not go out and buy a car on impulse. Anyway there's still another debt and that is to love one another. That debt, I do not intend to pay....... :)
4) Relational. I am reminded again to build deeper relationships within lifegroup. That, I am still finding it a challenge. Hmmm, gotta start somewhere I guess. Let's see, who shall be my victim? Am gonna go to Chinatown this tue with mama dearest to soak up the CNY feeling. Hope it works out. This year, CNY's a little different cos dad will be around. So, for once in many years, there will be a reunion dinner. Frankly I do not know what to make of it. But for now, it is a necessary evil I must go through. God, please help me change my attitude. The least I could do at this present moment is to enjoy the reunion which has been absent for so many years......
5) Physical. I have been into bodyweight conditioning for slightly over 2 weeks already. Am intending to progress to weights training tomorrow. Hope it goes well. Let's see: Biceps: 12" Butt: 32.7" Chest: 31" Waist 27" Thigh: 17.5" Calf 13". Hmmm, Okie let's see how much bulk we can put up in the coming weeks. According to my weighing scale, I am 53.5 kg.
6) Spiritual. Not too good man. My emotions been in an upheaval of late. Oh God, I really need help here. The devotion's fine. Just that I don't seem to be concentrating well. Oh, and this week, other than leading worship, my leader told me to share on worship as well. Not too prepared for that but we'll see......
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Gym Sessions
I think I kind of dread the gym a little whenever I think of it because of the pain involved. And the thought of going into weights soon though appealing carries some fear with it as well. For one, I have become so comfortable with a certain way of lifting weights for so long (though it has way outrun it's usefulness) that the up and coming method of shocking the muscles into growth seems utterly painful.
I have been introduced to the "Body For Life" way of working out for the longest time. But I have always given the excuse that the way of doing it seems impractical in the context of the crowded gym I work out in. But very soon I will have to throw out that excuse and do whatever I can to stick to the routine if I really want to see growth.
Sometimes I wonder if all good things in life have to be obtained through pain. It seems to me that should I want to experience mediocrity there would hardly be any effort and pain involved, except for the pain of regret at the end of the road. Wish I could go back to those days when a challenge is seen as something great and an oppurtunity to overcome. Right now, I am kicking myself in the butt for many things to make sure I do not slide back to the comfort zone of the underachievers. My God! I need some motivation!
I have been introduced to the "Body For Life" way of working out for the longest time. But I have always given the excuse that the way of doing it seems impractical in the context of the crowded gym I work out in. But very soon I will have to throw out that excuse and do whatever I can to stick to the routine if I really want to see growth.
Sometimes I wonder if all good things in life have to be obtained through pain. It seems to me that should I want to experience mediocrity there would hardly be any effort and pain involved, except for the pain of regret at the end of the road. Wish I could go back to those days when a challenge is seen as something great and an oppurtunity to overcome. Right now, I am kicking myself in the butt for many things to make sure I do not slide back to the comfort zone of the underachievers. My God! I need some motivation!
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Laser Procedure
** Week 2 Of Goals 2011
It amazes me how fast 2 weeks have passed in the blink of an eye. This week I kinda slacked a little. But nevertheless any thing is still better than last year I suppose. Hmmm, let's see what's the highlight of the week......
1) I led worship during life group on Friday! Finally! I went somewhat with fear and trembling. The last time I led worship was quite some time ago. It was quite a good experience. I kind of got lost when the session began cos the voices of the whole drowned my voice as well as my guitar. But that was good. I'd rather have everyone enthusiastic and singing away than me singing along. That's the good thing bout having a group of worshipers on fire.
2) I continued with my body weight conditioning. My last session was on Friday. Thank God I did quite okay. Instead of the recommended 3 sets of each exercise I did 2 and I completed the whole cycle. Yipee! Gonna continue the training next week and maybe add an extra exercise or 2 in my regime. Compared to the previous Friday, I have made tremendous progress. How did I know? I was not half dead like I was then. ;)
3) Music. Continued with sight reading exercises. Also continued with the rhythm practices with metronome for both guitar and keyboard. I have also started with session 3 of singing success. Boy, it was really tough! Think I might have to camp on it for the next 2 weeks in order to be proficient with it. Patience. Patience!
4) Work. I started reading up on orthoptics related stuff. Will continue to work on it. I have wasted some free time cos I was chatting with colleagues. Hmmm, will try to strike a balance on that. BTW, I was promoted at work. So congrats to me! Must also learn to be contented with my pay.
5) Relational. I managed to spend time with a couple on Thursday. Guitar lesson was canceled so I ended up at Alan's place chatting with him and his wife Gina. It was supposed to be a Guitar practice session. It was! But only for a while. We did like half a song and we were chatting after that. It was good! I feel like I have found a gem of sorts in the friendship with Alan. He's the same age as me and our frequencies are somewhat similar. Very precious. Hope we can develop a strong friendship. Let's wait and see.
6) Spiritual. I managed to keep up with the devotional but there was a problem. Though it was early in the morning, I would get distracted very easily. I'd be reading and my mind would wonder to other stuff. At the end, I hardly recall what I read. Hmmmm, concentrate!!!!!!!!
7) Massage. Bits and pieces this week. I read a couple of chapters of the aromatherapy workbook. I learned about the production of essential oils, the various ways of administering them and also their families. I must admit I might have forgotten a fair bit of it though. Hmmm, have to go for depth next week.
Okay, I think I did okay for this week. Looking forward to the start of a new week. God I need strength!
1) I led worship during life group on Friday! Finally! I went somewhat with fear and trembling. The last time I led worship was quite some time ago. It was quite a good experience. I kind of got lost when the session began cos the voices of the whole drowned my voice as well as my guitar. But that was good. I'd rather have everyone enthusiastic and singing away than me singing along. That's the good thing bout having a group of worshipers on fire.
2) I continued with my body weight conditioning. My last session was on Friday. Thank God I did quite okay. Instead of the recommended 3 sets of each exercise I did 2 and I completed the whole cycle. Yipee! Gonna continue the training next week and maybe add an extra exercise or 2 in my regime. Compared to the previous Friday, I have made tremendous progress. How did I know? I was not half dead like I was then. ;)
3) Music. Continued with sight reading exercises. Also continued with the rhythm practices with metronome for both guitar and keyboard. I have also started with session 3 of singing success. Boy, it was really tough! Think I might have to camp on it for the next 2 weeks in order to be proficient with it. Patience. Patience!
4) Work. I started reading up on orthoptics related stuff. Will continue to work on it. I have wasted some free time cos I was chatting with colleagues. Hmmm, will try to strike a balance on that. BTW, I was promoted at work. So congrats to me! Must also learn to be contented with my pay.
5) Relational. I managed to spend time with a couple on Thursday. Guitar lesson was canceled so I ended up at Alan's place chatting with him and his wife Gina. It was supposed to be a Guitar practice session. It was! But only for a while. We did like half a song and we were chatting after that. It was good! I feel like I have found a gem of sorts in the friendship with Alan. He's the same age as me and our frequencies are somewhat similar. Very precious. Hope we can develop a strong friendship. Let's wait and see.
6) Spiritual. I managed to keep up with the devotional but there was a problem. Though it was early in the morning, I would get distracted very easily. I'd be reading and my mind would wonder to other stuff. At the end, I hardly recall what I read. Hmmmm, concentrate!!!!!!!!
7) Massage. Bits and pieces this week. I read a couple of chapters of the aromatherapy workbook. I learned about the production of essential oils, the various ways of administering them and also their families. I must admit I might have forgotten a fair bit of it though. Hmmm, have to go for depth next week.
Okay, I think I did okay for this week. Looking forward to the start of a new week. God I need strength!
Sunday, January 9, 2011
** Today's Service
I did my usual devotional material which I started reading for 2011 and today's heading was 'No Time For Cracked Pots'. It took reference form 2 Timothy 2:20, which was talking about the vessels of gold and silver for God's use. The author (Kenneth Copeland) was urging me to choose to be the vessel of honor, to be used by God. That brought me back to a youth camp many years back when a friend gave a word to me which went like I am a vessel of honor.
As I stood in my room thinking about the devotional, I could not help but withdraw myself emotionally. I told God that many years back, I would not hesitate to 'be' the vessel of honor. But now, I hesitate to do so. Frankly, I do not know the exact reason. Could be the fact I feel like I wasted many years and wrecked myself in many ways so I do not have the courage to give myself fully to God. Could be the belief deep down that God cannot use someone like me anymore. Could be the thought that I have backslided too far to ever go at it again. The bottom line is that I really do not want to consecrate myself to God. I then told God that He would really have to speak to me in this area.
I went as usual to church after. During service, pastor shared about how Israel recently found oil, which signifies that the end is really near. He said in essence the finding of oil basically brings closer the attack from Russia (as stated in Ezekiel). So the conclusion is: The end is really near. I would never have imagined myself to have fallen to this state but I thought I have heard all these many years ago. What makes it different this time. But that's not the point. The point is that because of His coming and the perilous end times, we need to grow very fast and "consecrate" ourselves from unclean things. Pastor also quoted 2 Timothy 2:20 during his sermon. Nope, it was not a 'thunder and lightning' kind of sermon and experience. But it was a confirmation from God, on the same day I asked to be spoken to regarding the same area. So I guess it demands a response from my part. Now that God has spoken and confirmed it, what am I gonna do about it?
Frankly I think I am just acting dumb. The answer's kind of simple. Not easy, but it sure is simple. Right now I am caught between a rock and a hard place so to speak. I really am finding it difficult to lay my life down for God. Intellectually, I know it's a good thing. But I just can't seem to do it. I can't even give mental accent to it at all. Just the thought of it scares me. Maybe it's all coming at one time and I am not able to process it. I just barely got my life in order and for once in a long time, life seems hopeful. Giving myself in surrender seems to be losing all hope right before my eyes. I don't have a lot to lose but I just can't seem to do it! I just remembered prior to me starting my devotion today I was pondering about life. As much as it seems to be getting exciting since I am well on the road to recovery, I still feel lonely and empty. And I still remember telling God to speak to me in regards to my life. Then the devotion part came. Arrggghhhhh! God is speaking so clearly! Why am I still holding back??!!!! Why can't I just let go????!!!
This could be the start of the greatest journey in my life, or it could be the start of an endless frustrated life that's not even worth living. And it's all between my ears. Jonah! When will you ever come to your senses? Must you always live up to your story in the bible?
As I stood in my room thinking about the devotional, I could not help but withdraw myself emotionally. I told God that many years back, I would not hesitate to 'be' the vessel of honor. But now, I hesitate to do so. Frankly, I do not know the exact reason. Could be the fact I feel like I wasted many years and wrecked myself in many ways so I do not have the courage to give myself fully to God. Could be the belief deep down that God cannot use someone like me anymore. Could be the thought that I have backslided too far to ever go at it again. The bottom line is that I really do not want to consecrate myself to God. I then told God that He would really have to speak to me in this area.
I went as usual to church after. During service, pastor shared about how Israel recently found oil, which signifies that the end is really near. He said in essence the finding of oil basically brings closer the attack from Russia (as stated in Ezekiel). So the conclusion is: The end is really near. I would never have imagined myself to have fallen to this state but I thought I have heard all these many years ago. What makes it different this time. But that's not the point. The point is that because of His coming and the perilous end times, we need to grow very fast and "consecrate" ourselves from unclean things. Pastor also quoted 2 Timothy 2:20 during his sermon. Nope, it was not a 'thunder and lightning' kind of sermon and experience. But it was a confirmation from God, on the same day I asked to be spoken to regarding the same area. So I guess it demands a response from my part. Now that God has spoken and confirmed it, what am I gonna do about it?
Frankly I think I am just acting dumb. The answer's kind of simple. Not easy, but it sure is simple. Right now I am caught between a rock and a hard place so to speak. I really am finding it difficult to lay my life down for God. Intellectually, I know it's a good thing. But I just can't seem to do it. I can't even give mental accent to it at all. Just the thought of it scares me. Maybe it's all coming at one time and I am not able to process it. I just barely got my life in order and for once in a long time, life seems hopeful. Giving myself in surrender seems to be losing all hope right before my eyes. I don't have a lot to lose but I just can't seem to do it! I just remembered prior to me starting my devotion today I was pondering about life. As much as it seems to be getting exciting since I am well on the road to recovery, I still feel lonely and empty. And I still remember telling God to speak to me in regards to my life. Then the devotion part came. Arrggghhhhh! God is speaking so clearly! Why am I still holding back??!!!! Why can't I just let go????!!!
This could be the start of the greatest journey in my life, or it could be the start of an endless frustrated life that's not even worth living. And it's all between my ears. Jonah! When will you ever come to your senses? Must you always live up to your story in the bible?
** Week 1 Of Goals 2011
Hmmm I must say this week's been pretty decent for me. Okay, other than the fact that I was on mc for a day. But mc's good for me, especially when I am not on super heavy drugs that knock me out totally. Managed to get things done on that day as well. On a side note, I took a 13.5 day mc last year, out of a full 14 entitlement! I am not sure if that's something to cheer about, but none the less, I am pretty proud about it. ;)
Okay back to the main topic. For this week I think I deserve a pat on my back. As much as I wanted and felt I could have done much more, I really feel I have moved on a lot compared to my slackness last year. Let's see:
1) Piano sight reading. I have started this course that I bought at least 2-3 years ago.
2) Body weight conditioning. I have began a "new" form of workout as taught by Vince Delmonte. As mentioned in the previous post I nearly killed myself with it, trying to start a super vigorous conditioning having just recovered from an ailment. Okay, tomorrow I shall scale the workout down so that I can adjust better to it. I also tried an abs routine. I think my whole body hates me now!
3) Rhythm training with a metronome. I started it for both my keyboard as well as my guitar. It's amazing how trying to keep to timing can be so difficult! Thank God I managed to start and do a couple of sessions so far. Will continue to do so for the next week, hopefully slowing the tempo down.
4) Singing Success. I have already started it end of last year and this week I have more or less completed lesson 2. Will move on to lesson 3 tomorrow.
5) Work. I know this sounds kind of dumb but I made a resolution that I'll start to treat my patients and their relatives better. It's not that I've been mistreating them, but I know my attitude towards them can definitely be improved. For me, I like dealing with my patients one on one. Somehow, when their relatives are around, they tend to hinder my communication, rather than help. So this week, I started to offer the relatives seats, which I usually do not do. Big improvement I must say. Again, I know how dumb this is but I realised its actually not that difficult to treat them nicer and be more polite to them. Next week I will do one up on this one. I will turn and face the relatives and answer them while facing them as opposed to my signature style of having my back on them as I answer them. Tough but we'll see...... ;) I also started to read a little on pathology. Though I hardly understood, I figure it's a good start.
6) Worship and Word. I have started to worship on a more regular basis. Actually the main reason's because I have been arrowed to lead worship for the next four lifegroup sessions so I thought it makes better sense to practice as well as worship. Now I gotta work on my motives. ;) I have also started to use a devotional by Kenneth Copeland 'From Faith To Faith' which I have had for probably 14 years. Think I will use it as my devotional for the rest of the year. Also, I have been spending more time in the Word as well. Good start to the new year.
7) Massage. I have started to read up on my aromatherapy books of late. I have read on Peppermint Oil and am on Basil now. Yeah!
Looking at the above, I guess it's really worth celebrating for all my effort and progress. I guess the challenge will be to maintain all these till they have an effect on my life. God help me! By right I should reward myself by watching a dvd, but I already watched 2 yesterday so I guess I better do something else today. ;) So proud of myself!
Friday, January 7, 2011
I Swear I Could Have Died!
As I am typing this post, I am also regreting my decision to try a new set of training at the gym just now. Especially after recovering from a recent bout of illness. Decided to try a rountine recommended by Vince Delmonte called bodyweight conditioning, where by a set of exercises are done solely depending on bodyweight. Glancing through the list of exercises to do, I thought to myself: "How tough can it be right?" WRONG! The set goes something like this:
1) Standard Push
2) Mountain Climbers
3) Burpees
4) High Knee Drills
5) Bodyweight Squats
6) Close-grip Chin-ups
7) Bench Dips
8) Modified Pull-ups
9) Alternating Split Squat Jump
10) Single Leg Hip Extension
11) Bodyweight Reverse Lunge
12) Single Leg Plank Raise
and finally
13) Oblique Adductor Raise
I was supposed to do 3 sets of each exercise for 20 secs with a rest in between for 20 secs. By the 9th excercise I was half dead. For the rest of the exercises I did about one set each. And my rest between different excercises became minutes.Even now, after about 40 mins post work-out, I am still trying to recover. That's why I am still in my office typing this. SO that I spend my recovery time wisely. I really felt lousy when I first stepped out of the gym. I could hardly talk, not to mention catch my breath.
Okie, think I will do a lighter one on Monday as I build myself up to pace. Actually looking at the list I am quite proud of myself. Though I did not comlete all, I think it's pretty good considering I just recovered and I did a stomach workout prior. And the routine was:
1) Airbike Crunches
2) Janda Sit-ups
3) Full Sit-ups
4) Lying Side Crunch
5) Supine Double Leg Raises
6) Alternating Toe Touches
7) Hip Thrusts
I am supposed to do 10-15 of each exercise back to back, rest for a minute or two and repeat. I did 6 reps of each exercise. Fortunately I was smart enough not to push myself cos I am not that into abs. If not, today might have been my death day! Okie, pretty much recovered from the trauma of the gym. Will wash my stuff and head home. Think I'll sleep really early tonight! ;)
1) Standard Push
2) Mountain Climbers
3) Burpees
4) High Knee Drills
5) Bodyweight Squats
6) Close-grip Chin-ups
7) Bench Dips
8) Modified Pull-ups
9) Alternating Split Squat Jump
10) Single Leg Hip Extension
11) Bodyweight Reverse Lunge
12) Single Leg Plank Raise
and finally
13) Oblique Adductor Raise
I was supposed to do 3 sets of each exercise for 20 secs with a rest in between for 20 secs. By the 9th excercise I was half dead. For the rest of the exercises I did about one set each. And my rest between different excercises became minutes.Even now, after about 40 mins post work-out, I am still trying to recover. That's why I am still in my office typing this. SO that I spend my recovery time wisely. I really felt lousy when I first stepped out of the gym. I could hardly talk, not to mention catch my breath.
Okie, think I will do a lighter one on Monday as I build myself up to pace. Actually looking at the list I am quite proud of myself. Though I did not comlete all, I think it's pretty good considering I just recovered and I did a stomach workout prior. And the routine was:
1) Airbike Crunches
2) Janda Sit-ups
3) Full Sit-ups
4) Lying Side Crunch
5) Supine Double Leg Raises
6) Alternating Toe Touches
7) Hip Thrusts
I am supposed to do 10-15 of each exercise back to back, rest for a minute or two and repeat. I did 6 reps of each exercise. Fortunately I was smart enough not to push myself cos I am not that into abs. If not, today might have been my death day! Okie, pretty much recovered from the trauma of the gym. Will wash my stuff and head home. Think I'll sleep really early tonight! ;)
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Black Pepper Essential Oil
Okay, in line with my goal for 2011 in refreshing myself in regards to my Aromatherapy, I have decided to read and write about various essential oils. I suppose this will help me to recall back my "lost" knowledge. Think I got my diploma in Aromatherapy in 2005 or 2006, so it's been easily 4-5 years since I last really studied about the oils......
Black Pepper (aka Piper Nigrum):
The essential oil is extracted by steam distillation of the dried berries. This essential oil is good for stomach problems. The only issue I find is the strong smell of it. So, if you wanna diffuse it, my recommendation is to blend it with some other essential oils so the smell will not be tooo over powering. It is recommended not to be used neat (i.e without dilution) on the skin because it can be irritating.
Some properties of this essential oil is that it is stomachic (i.e helps and strengthens the digestion system). One other good point about it is that is an anti-toxic which makes it great during food poisoning. It also has grounding properties for the emotion. It also helps with muscle relaxation since it is an anti-spasmodic. It is considered a "warming" oil so it helps with blood circulation as well. It is not recommended for use on people with high blood pressure. It is also an expectorant, thus good for coughs and colds.
I personally find it great for my stomach problems since it is helpful with a whole hosts of them. I usually use it neat (against most recommendations) on my stomach and it brings much relief. For others who prefer to play it safe, they can always dilute it with a carrier oil, then rub it on their stomach. Alternatively, the essential oil can be applied to the soles of the feet and will automatically be circulated through the whole body. For muscle ache relief, again the oil can be diluted then applied to the affected area.
Yap I think this is it for my first oil. Will talk about others along the way......
Black Pepper (aka Piper Nigrum):
The essential oil is extracted by steam distillation of the dried berries. This essential oil is good for stomach problems. The only issue I find is the strong smell of it. So, if you wanna diffuse it, my recommendation is to blend it with some other essential oils so the smell will not be tooo over powering. It is recommended not to be used neat (i.e without dilution) on the skin because it can be irritating.
Some properties of this essential oil is that it is stomachic (i.e helps and strengthens the digestion system). One other good point about it is that is an anti-toxic which makes it great during food poisoning. It also has grounding properties for the emotion. It also helps with muscle relaxation since it is an anti-spasmodic. It is considered a "warming" oil so it helps with blood circulation as well. It is not recommended for use on people with high blood pressure. It is also an expectorant, thus good for coughs and colds.
I personally find it great for my stomach problems since it is helpful with a whole hosts of them. I usually use it neat (against most recommendations) on my stomach and it brings much relief. For others who prefer to play it safe, they can always dilute it with a carrier oil, then rub it on their stomach. Alternatively, the essential oil can be applied to the soles of the feet and will automatically be circulated through the whole body. For muscle ache relief, again the oil can be diluted then applied to the affected area.
Yap I think this is it for my first oil. Will talk about others along the way......
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Indoor Tanning
Been wanting to write about my indoor tanning for a while, but I keep forgetting to take snapshots of it. So, finally,......
So this is the tanning machine. Unfortunately, the room's a little too small so I can't get a full shot of it.
This man needs no introduction.......
Cool right? Looks like so time machine of sorts.
That's the timer on the right hand bottom corner. Apparently, 10 mins of indoor tanning is equivalent to 90 mins of tanning in the hot afternoon sun!
Wah this must be the best shot!
I first decided to try it cos I wanted to see how I look if I am tanner. After trying a session, I decided to go all out for it. Should have taken a before and after photo. Sigh. People ask me if it is hot in there. Actually, it's decently cool in there because of the big fan up there which cools the body during the process. Can't wait for the next one!
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