Jeremiah 29:11-14
11 For I know the thoughts and plans that I have for you, says the Lord, thoughts and plans for welfare and peace and not for evil, to give you hope in your final outcome. 12 Then you will call upon Me, and you will come and pray to Me, and I will hear and heed you. 13 Then you will seek Me, inquire for, and require Me[ as a vital necessity] and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. a 14 I will be found by you, says the Lord,......

It was only today I realized how important it is to fully trust that God has a good plan for me. For it is only with that belief I can come to God with full confidence to ask of him. I have mental assent that God only plans the best for me but deep down I know I do not trust Him fully. That's why I am so reserved in giving God my all and myself.

That has to change. I will sit on these verses till they really sink in......

God's Been Good

Was thinking a little of late. God's been good to me in the area of finance. I have never been rich but I can't remember occasions where I have lacked. Of course it would be nice to be able to afford a car but for now, it's not quite justifiable. Thus I conclude God has been good and faithful...... ;)

There's Something So So Wrong With Me

I do not know what's gottten into me of late but I seem to have lost all motivation for the gym. I have been consistently "gymming" for the last 2 years at least. It seems that about 2 weeks ago, I just started feeling like skipping gym. Really weird. What's going on?

My Message For Evangelistic Night In Chang Mai Has Been Born!

Lifegroup Last Night

It's funny how I have been writing a fair bit about lifegroup lately. As usual, I was not keen in going last night so I had to drag myself there. As usual I had no regrets turning up. My leader's wife Dawn was leading the session and I always enjoy listening to her. The way she explains things just make sense. The teaching session ended early and so she opened up the session for sharing. She then specifically requested to pray for four people there and I was one of them.

When it came to my turn to be prayed for, a number of people had words of encouragement for me. Guess I needed the most help. ;) Then Dawn did something quite unexpected. She got the four of us to stand in the middle of the group and told us that the whole lifegroup loves us and accepts us even if we are rotten. Felt quite encouraged. Guess this might be a place I can really sink my roots in. In fact, I would be meeting up with my leader and Dawn mid October. Let's see what comes out from that......

Games We Play

I was feeling quite 'xian' for the past few days prior while I was waiting for yesterday to finally arrive. I had planned it such that I would go down to my dad's place to settle his admin stuff. The story continues from that day when he tactlessly told me to use my common sense when settling his finances. It was a couple of days later I popped by his place to settle his admin stuff and I decided to write him a fax about my displeasure over his thoughtless words. As much as I did not feel too good for doing so, I felt the need to do so to prevent such occurrences from happening in the future. Much to my dismay I felt convicted after that. Yet I refused to budge because I felt justified in my actions and I make no apologies for them.

So I carried the feelings for a few days, waiting to see what would happen yesterday when I popped by dad's place. My dad did not call for a full week since so I expected to see a fax when I arrived. Surprisingly, there was nothing at the fax machine. Due to some urgent stuff I had to call him, but I did not get through. I ended faxing him and  he called back a while later. He was exceptionally nice and so was I. So I suppose it's okay on both sides. Funny the games that we play with each other.

My First Creation

Not bad right?

Thoughts

Went for a meeting for my Chang Mai trip last night. Learnt a new skill. Balloon sculpting! A friend was teaching it so that we could use it for the kids when we are there. Frankly I was not the least interested in learning it. But since we all got a chance to do a couple of balloons hands on I thought I might as well do it. Turned out to be quite fun. Was kind of worried the balloons might burst but I only burst one out of five so I guess it turned out fine.

Till now, I am still not too sure if I really wanna go on this trip. From what I remember, I kind of forced myself for the last one. I guess this one is no exception. Seriously, I would rather spend my time at home chilling. I think as I get older, I really am more averse to getting out of my comfort zone. The main reason I agreed to go was because a friend coaxed me into it. I figured that this might be last season we get to spend quality time together since his baby will be out soon. Things I would do for friendship. Sigh.

Will be doing teaching as well as playing the guitar for worship there. Feel prepared for none. I do not know how I am gonna survive there frankly. God, I need help!

Sometimes I yearn to be "normal" or to lead the "normal" life. I kind of miss those times when I would go to work during the day and go home to 'Buffy the vampire slayer' at night. Mundane I know, but comfortable. Nothing very much else to think or worry about. Or spend hours in front of a game console and just play my life away. Awesome! Think I am gonna set aside time to do just that soon. Gonna relive my old life again.

Think I am really too "responsible" in one sense. I kind of feel guilty whenever I spend too much time on other stuff than the "spiritual" stuff. Sometimes I look back and feel bad that I am no longer as fervent and serving as much as during my youth days. Those were the height of my glory so to say. Now, I would already be proud of myself if I consistently made it for lifegroup over a period of time. I am no longer serving anywhere except occasionally for lifegroup. When I look at people whom I met last night who have consistently gone to missions for the last twenty years or so, it really makes me feel guilty. Arrrghhh I am missing it somewhere!

Now, all I am contemplating about is what I want to do with my life in the natural. Wanna take up massage again and work as a masseur. Wanna join some singing contest and hopefully sing somewhere. Anything but the "spiritual". Oh God, is there any hope for me?

Control Freak!

I have come to this realization some time back. That I am a control freak. At least towards my mum. Mum was supposed to have a follow-up appointment today for her eye post-op and sis was supposed to bring her there. But she refused and insisted on going on her own. Considering the fact she had a major eye op just a couple of days ago that is a big no no. After hearing from my sis I was pissed. It really goes beyond all logic. My sis later smsed a note saying that it's time to let go. That's so true.

Thinking back I have really been a control freak of sorts. I'll be trying to get my mum to do things I deem are good for her. At times I would even make decisions for her. The funny thing is that my own life is in some way out of control yet I am trying to control someone else's. Well, I guess I would totally detest someone else trying to control my life and make decisions for me so I guess it's time for me to stop. "Die, control freak! Die!"

Improve Anyone's Self-Esteem By Watching This Vid!

Bearing My Soul

Think I am in a complaining mood today. Guess I am just tired out by all the emotional battles I have been fighting of late. The worst part of it is that I don't see light at the end of the tunnel or as one man put it, there is light at the end of the tunnel but it is another train. Yet, there is this realisation that when God moves, He can clear everything up faster than I can shout Hooray.

So the battle rages on. Two verses I can't seem to get my mind off today are the ones I mentioned in the previous post.

James 1:2-4 says  Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy.  For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow.  So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.

Romans 5:3-4 says  We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance.  And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. 

Wish it was some victory verse I am led to meditate on today. But anyway, God is still good and faithful. He watches over me. Always have, always will......

Bad Day

Been feeling off today. I attribute it to the incident with my dad that happened late this morning. It's amazing how he, being in Taiwan, could have caused me so much frustration right here in Singapore. I wanna save myself from opening the wound so I shall not try to retell the story but suffice to say I felt quite hurt from the incident. I struggle within cos on one hand I have the intention of telling him off and setting things straight and yet on the other I am not too sure I am doing the right thing. Guess hanging between the two has caused me to be in a state of limbo. I haven't had a moment of peace since. I really feel me bottling it up is not gonna help in our relationship and yet I seem to fear the repercussions of what I intend to do.

Right now, I already have a number of stuff on my mind and having recovered somewhat from a super big episode in my life, I really don't feel I am up to handling anything pertaining to this issue. I guess God pretty much warned me about my day when I just could not move on from meditating James 1:2-3 and Romans 5:3-4 which talks about trials and tribulations. It's funny cos I simply cannot imagine me going up to my dad and telling him straight in the face (or even over the line) that what he said hurt me. It's tough to say the least. Sigh. Maybe I should just start being upfront with my feelings with him whenever I can. If he accepts me, so be it. If he doesn't, that's just too bad. Hmmmm, decisions decisions decisions!

COMMON SENSE!

What next Lord?

Been feeling quite stretched of late. It's a miracle I could lay down so many things almost all at once for God. I am not gonna say it's been easy. In fact, it's almost depressing trying to lay things down because I know God is not pleased with them. But, as I already figured, if I was going to be depressed both ways, I may as well be depressed doing God's will. Still trying to find out what it means by 'His grace is sufficient'. Seriously, I have no idea how I am going to go on like this. There is an intense ache in my heart whenever I choose to do what's right. And now, I am walking on egg shells so to speak. Every step is uncertain and unsteady. Can I take another fall? Can I climb back up again? Can I walk on on this narrow path. Why does it have to be me? Is there no easier way? I may not have come close compared to some who may have suffered physically for God, but I can sure relate to Kathryn Kulman's famous line:"I have died a thousand deaths".

Okay, enough of the emo stuff. Let's end this off with a scripture, a scripture I hope to live and realise the fullness of in the light of all my afflictions right now......

2 Corinthians 12:9,10 says,......
"My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness " Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.

 ¹⁰Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ's sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong.

Friday's Lifegroup

Lifegroup on Friday was sort of a first for me in a sense it is the first lifegroup I have attended which there was sort of a house cleaning. At the end of the sharing, my leader George was talking about why certain individuals left the lifegroup and church. Because I knew the individuals involved, it brought about mixed feelings in me.

One side of me seemed to enjoy the "gossipy" element in the whole thing. I can see why people like to gossip. It just seems to satisfy some part of us to know "hidden" things about others. ;) But another side of me felt that maybe a lot of things could be left alone since it was out in the open the individuals involved. Having said that, I could see where my leader was coming from. There were rumors going around as to why the individual left and if both sides of the story were not told, it seems natural the side which tells the story would seem right.

As usual, I would leave my lifegroup early to go back to rest but during my little stroll home, a lot thoughts and scriptures came to mind in regards to the house cleaning during lifegroup......

For one, I try to make it a point to take a neutral stand when it comes to issues between people. The reason is simple. Humans err and there is no instance where someone can really tell you 100% of the truth 100% of the time. By the time an incident goes into a person and is regurgitated out, the contents are usually different at varying levels. Also, the first side to tell their side of the story will always seem right (Proverbs 18:17). Even if I do get to hear both sides of the story, only God knows all the intricate details which we can only guess. So, rather than to make a wrong judgement, I prefer to just stay neutral.

Next, I try my best to mind my own business. Proverbs illustrates it well when it says: "Like one who takes a dog by the ears is he who passes by and meddles with strife not belonging to him." (Proverbs 26:17) I rhink sometimes we meddle too much into others' business when it does not concern us one bit. You know jolly well if you take a dog by the ears you are in for bite and thus the point made is really simple. MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!

Another gem from the book of Proverbs: "The words of a whisperer are like dainty morsels, and they go down into the innermost parts of the body." Ooooh. That's scary. Sometimes I wonder why it's difficult to shake an impression of someone off though I may not have actually conversed with that person before. More often than not, I might have heard about that person prior to meeting him/her. The impression would then stick with me though I may find after getting to know the person that he/she may not be what I heard about in the first place. I attribute it the the principle above. So, as much as I can, I avoid such things.

I think sometimes we value being politically correct higher than the wisdom God prescribes. When someone comes with a "whisperer" or "gossiper" kind of spirit, instead of telling them frankly we do not want to hear about such stuff, we just give in and humor them. As a result, the slime of those stuff rubs off on us and defiles us and the relationship we have with others. So, it's time to stop all these nonsense and avoid them as much as we possibly can......

I Realised Something Bout Myself

I somehow knew this all along but I guess it became a little more obvious today. Think I always want to be fully prepared before I make the jump for anything in life. I guess it's good in one way and bad in another. It seems to be really difficult to be fully prepared and I think that's what makes me not want to venture out. I am always waiting for that moment which does not seem to come. After all, you can never be overly prepared, well at least in my estimation.

I suppose I have to learn to take calculated risk sometime in life. If not, I'll forever be in the same spot. And stagnating's not good. Yea, that's not good. Okay, time to get back into the real world. Errr, that's kind of risky and I do not think I am not ready for it. Let's do it another time....... ;)

Going The Distance

Had the chance to catch this movie today with my colleagues. The plot was okay. Surprisingly, Drew Barrymore still looks quite good. The acting was good. My only gripe was that the movie was full of vulgarities. Other than that, I think this comedy's quite a good catch.

Inspirational

There are lots of videos that entertain but not too many that inspire. I stumbled upon one such video while reading a newsletter a while ago. I am left speechless and at the same time humbled as I listened to the story that you will soon watch.

How many times have we put limits on ourselves that were not supposed to be? I pray that the video you are about to watch will inspire you and me and continue to do so. I am starting to see some truth in Adidas' slogan "Impossible is nothing".