Thoughts

Went for a meeting for my Chang Mai trip last night. Learnt a new skill. Balloon sculpting! A friend was teaching it so that we could use it for the kids when we are there. Frankly I was not the least interested in learning it. But since we all got a chance to do a couple of balloons hands on I thought I might as well do it. Turned out to be quite fun. Was kind of worried the balloons might burst but I only burst one out of five so I guess it turned out fine.

Till now, I am still not too sure if I really wanna go on this trip. From what I remember, I kind of forced myself for the last one. I guess this one is no exception. Seriously, I would rather spend my time at home chilling. I think as I get older, I really am more averse to getting out of my comfort zone. The main reason I agreed to go was because a friend coaxed me into it. I figured that this might be last season we get to spend quality time together since his baby will be out soon. Things I would do for friendship. Sigh.

Will be doing teaching as well as playing the guitar for worship there. Feel prepared for none. I do not know how I am gonna survive there frankly. God, I need help!

Sometimes I yearn to be "normal" or to lead the "normal" life. I kind of miss those times when I would go to work during the day and go home to 'Buffy the vampire slayer' at night. Mundane I know, but comfortable. Nothing very much else to think or worry about. Or spend hours in front of a game console and just play my life away. Awesome! Think I am gonna set aside time to do just that soon. Gonna relive my old life again.

Think I am really too "responsible" in one sense. I kind of feel guilty whenever I spend too much time on other stuff than the "spiritual" stuff. Sometimes I look back and feel bad that I am no longer as fervent and serving as much as during my youth days. Those were the height of my glory so to say. Now, I would already be proud of myself if I consistently made it for lifegroup over a period of time. I am no longer serving anywhere except occasionally for lifegroup. When I look at people whom I met last night who have consistently gone to missions for the last twenty years or so, it really makes me feel guilty. Arrrghhh I am missing it somewhere!

Now, all I am contemplating about is what I want to do with my life in the natural. Wanna take up massage again and work as a masseur. Wanna join some singing contest and hopefully sing somewhere. Anything but the "spiritual". Oh God, is there any hope for me?