Yap I fouled up again. But this time it was for another doctor. Think I am a fair person. I do it for one, I do it for all. Just kidding! Thank God both the doc and the patient were nice this time. Scary man. Been stressed the whole morning. Feeling much better now. Thank God. So glad the work day is almost over. KL here I come!!!!!!!!!
Leaving you with one of the songs I used to listen to,......
Friday, October 30, 2009
Thursday, October 29, 2009
And I Thought It Could Not Get Worst
Actually I think it's just me. After work I went to gym and had a short chat with the trainer there. I told him that actually it's not that something major happened but I guess it all adds up. After the session, I proceeded to City Hall NUM where I first saw the T-shirt which read "God is a DJ, Life is a dance floor and I am a party boy. Wanted to go buy it today but to my dismay the shirts have been sold out! My God! It was just 2 weeks. :( Frankly I got upset and over a T-shirt. So that made me realise that it's probably just me. Hmmmm, I need help man (I mean God). Anyway, what's over is over. Looking forward to my trip tomorrow. Only thing is gotta get through the work day. ARRRGGH!
"Thank you Father for the opportunity to travel with my colleagues. Thank you Father for a blessed and safe trip. Thank you Father for the chance to unwind. Thank you Father for the money to spend. Thank you Father for the wisdom to spend wisely. Thank you Father that even in the trip I would get to know You better. Thank you Father that You have been kind to me. Love You......."
"Thank you Father for the opportunity to travel with my colleagues. Thank you Father for a blessed and safe trip. Thank you Father for the chance to unwind. Thank you Father for the money to spend. Thank you Father for the wisdom to spend wisely. Thank you Father that even in the trip I would get to know You better. Thank you Father that You have been kind to me. Love You......."
"Xian"
Feeling a little "xian" right now. Was told that I blundered in one of my work areas and it affected the HOD's operation on a patient. The worse part is that I have to wait till they are done with the operation before they can get the patient's info so we can find out what I did wrong. So that affected my morning. At first, I told God that its in His hands and I would not worry about it. By now, my mood is totally affected. Pissed. The worst part is if I find out that its not my fault, and I have been "xian" in vain. Then I would go kill the doctor who made that call to my supervisor this morning. My supervisor is taking a 'let's find out what went wrong and correct it to prevent future mishaps' stance. My other in charge is taking a 'don't worry about it. We'll see what happened' stance. I am taking a 'just wait till I find out I am innocent' stance. Hmmmm, we'll see.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
I AM BORED!!! SHHHHH DON'T TELL MY SUPERVISOR.......
I know that I am bored when I am reading a lot of other people's blog. Reading blogs are fine. Just that I tend to transfer my feelings quite easily. I actually can like a person just by reading their blog. Dangerous...... Ooops just when I thought I had some spare time, got patient to see......
I am back. Yar, pretty much done for my day here. Gonna go back to main branch soon if there are no hiccups.
I am back. Yar, pretty much done for my day here. Gonna go back to main branch soon if there are no hiccups.
Gratitude
I quite enjoy working at the AMK branch of the eye clinic. The schedule is usually quite relaxing (as you can tell from me being able to blog). The ambience is quiet and pleasant. The only thing is that this place is located right next to J's block. So walking here from home and sporadically I am reminded of J. In fact this morning I felt the temptation again to come earlier and wait under J's block. Thank God that I am mature enough not to. Yap, I still miss J once in a while. But I am grateful that it is far less often and way less intense.
Thinking back God has been really good to me. Just when I felt that I was gonna crash under the weight of the whole situation, I realised there had been a hand holding on to me. God was there with me. The all mighty and all powerful God stood there with me, even in the midst of my rebellion. There was a hand, stronger than my emotions, stronger than my circumstance, stronger than me, there to support me. Jesus has been really kind to me. I feel like the psalmist David when he, being so in awe of God and His creation in Psalm 8:4 said: "What is man that You (God) are mindful of him, the son of man that You care for him." Yes, Jesus cares for me, even me......
Thinking back God has been really good to me. Just when I felt that I was gonna crash under the weight of the whole situation, I realised there had been a hand holding on to me. God was there with me. The all mighty and all powerful God stood there with me, even in the midst of my rebellion. There was a hand, stronger than my emotions, stronger than my circumstance, stronger than me, there to support me. Jesus has been really kind to me. I feel like the psalmist David when he, being so in awe of God and His creation in Psalm 8:4 said: "What is man that You (God) are mindful of him, the son of man that You care for him." Yes, Jesus cares for me, even me......
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Service Line
Sorry. Seem to have much thoughts going through me nowadays. Just finished attending to a patient in regards to her glasses. It's a young cute little girl who had her glasses done with us a couple of months back. Her mum was appreciative of my service and she thanked me for it. On my way back from the other clinic, I felt good inside. I take pride in doing a good job. Would to God that all patients are like that. The thing about the service line is that sometimes you get to see the best and worst of people. But I felt reminded that if I get appreciated, it is actually more of a bonus. We are called to serve each other according to the bible. And the bible does not list conditions as to when we serve each other. If the bible can state that we are to even love our enemies, I think basically we can and are to serve anyone and everyone. So back to the appreciation being a bonus part, I want to hold that in my heart. Think the unconscious part of me tends to expect people to always appreciate whatever I do for them especially if I put in more effort or sacrificed more.
What? Are We Blind Too?
The above question was taken from John 9:40 (NIV). It was asked by the Pharisees after Jesus had healed a man born blind and commented that it was for judgement that He (Jesus) had come into the world, so that the blind would see and those who see would become blind.
To me, that is such an ironic question because we know that the Pharisees were the "blind" ones and yet they were not aware of it. My question to myself is "Am I like that too?" Many times I have come across people who are so oblivious to their faults and attitudes that it kind of shocks me. It is like it's so darn obvious but yet the person does not seem to be the least aware. The Chinese have this phrase 旁观者清 which in essence means that the outsider sees the clearer picture. I think it is so true. Sometimes certain traits of my character are so norm to me that it really takes someone else to tell me about it. I pray that God will have people in my life who would tell me if they feel I have a flaw in my character.
To me, that is such an ironic question because we know that the Pharisees were the "blind" ones and yet they were not aware of it. My question to myself is "Am I like that too?" Many times I have come across people who are so oblivious to their faults and attitudes that it kind of shocks me. It is like it's so darn obvious but yet the person does not seem to be the least aware. The Chinese have this phrase 旁观者清 which in essence means that the outsider sees the clearer picture. I think it is so true. Sometimes certain traits of my character are so norm to me that it really takes someone else to tell me about it. I pray that God will have people in my life who would tell me if they feel I have a flaw in my character.
In Everything
Philippians 4:6 Do not fret or have any anxiety about anything, but in every circumstance and in everything, by prayer and petition (definite requests), with thanksgiving, continue to make your wants known to God. Amplified Bible (bolding's mine)
This verses is commonly an encouragement verse to me, but occasionally it becomes a minor rebuke to me as well. I was listening about to my brother complaining about his wife and also listening to stuff happening in church. And after that I was happily or maybe not so happily giving my point of view about his wife and the happenings in church. It was only after he left and I was alone thinking back about what was spoken and lamenting to God about the existence of weird people, especially weird Christians that I realised one thing...... I had listened, I had gossiped, I had lamented but I had not prayed! In the midst of all the getting emo and stuff I had neglected the most important thing and that was to pray.
I had to recompose myself and start to pray about all the stuff that I had an issue with. And I take that as a rebuke. The bible is so clear about not gossiping yet I still continue to do so. The bible is so clear about praying about everything, yet I seldom do. Hmmm, will bear this in mind....... God help me......
This verses is commonly an encouragement verse to me, but occasionally it becomes a minor rebuke to me as well. I was listening about to my brother complaining about his wife and also listening to stuff happening in church. And after that I was happily or maybe not so happily giving my point of view about his wife and the happenings in church. It was only after he left and I was alone thinking back about what was spoken and lamenting to God about the existence of weird people, especially weird Christians that I realised one thing...... I had listened, I had gossiped, I had lamented but I had not prayed! In the midst of all the getting emo and stuff I had neglected the most important thing and that was to pray.
I had to recompose myself and start to pray about all the stuff that I had an issue with. And I take that as a rebuke. The bible is so clear about not gossiping yet I still continue to do so. The bible is so clear about praying about everything, yet I seldom do. Hmmm, will bear this in mind....... God help me......
Monday, October 26, 2009
Good And Bad
Today's been a good and bad day......
Good:
1) Gym session was great. Other than the session last Thursday, I have not been to the gym for about one and a half week. So being able to return today was superb, not to mention that I had more stamina today as well.
2) Lesson with my bro was great. Learnt a lot of stuff that I overlooked before. Had a lot of questions answered as well. Learnt that Jay Chou is born again! Whoopy, my idol is saved(what irony)! Next will be J...... :)
Bad:
1) Thank God it's only one point but think it's gonna be long. :( As usual we talked about church. The sad part is that there is not much good stuff that surfaced during the conversation. Now I appreciate the mega churches a little more. It seems good to belong to a mega church (provided u r not in leadership position) cos as the main congregation, a lot of the bad news does not get passed down. Most of what you see on stage is a representation (at least to you) of how the church is doing. The bad stuff (if any) will tend to stay within the leadership level. So sometimes ignorance is bliss. Being in a place or rather being in such a small church, I seem to be able to get in on the "fresh" and "juiciest" news. Sometimes it makes me wonder how people can be like that.
I guess that it still boils down to expectations. I would expect the "leaders" to be more mature and more Christ-like. So maybe that's why every little thing that's out of my paradigm of maturity and Christ-likeness makes the person seem really bad. After hearing much about things in the church a question pops to mind. Why am I still around? I guess there are people whom I have a deeper relationship with so I guess that defers the idea somewhat. Another thing is that I do not want to leave just because of bad hats or bad things about the church. It's the push pull factor issue. And I want to be in the place where I will leave if I feel God saying so. If not, even though there is not much I can contribute now (after being taken out of pa totally and put out of playing into observation), I want to believe that God still has something for me here. So, until God says so, think I will stay. Wah, sounds so spiritual, I like...... :)
Good:
1) Gym session was great. Other than the session last Thursday, I have not been to the gym for about one and a half week. So being able to return today was superb, not to mention that I had more stamina today as well.
2) Lesson with my bro was great. Learnt a lot of stuff that I overlooked before. Had a lot of questions answered as well. Learnt that Jay Chou is born again! Whoopy, my idol is saved(what irony)! Next will be J...... :)
Bad:
1) Thank God it's only one point but think it's gonna be long. :( As usual we talked about church. The sad part is that there is not much good stuff that surfaced during the conversation. Now I appreciate the mega churches a little more. It seems good to belong to a mega church (provided u r not in leadership position) cos as the main congregation, a lot of the bad news does not get passed down. Most of what you see on stage is a representation (at least to you) of how the church is doing. The bad stuff (if any) will tend to stay within the leadership level. So sometimes ignorance is bliss. Being in a place or rather being in such a small church, I seem to be able to get in on the "fresh" and "juiciest" news. Sometimes it makes me wonder how people can be like that.
I guess that it still boils down to expectations. I would expect the "leaders" to be more mature and more Christ-like. So maybe that's why every little thing that's out of my paradigm of maturity and Christ-likeness makes the person seem really bad. After hearing much about things in the church a question pops to mind. Why am I still around? I guess there are people whom I have a deeper relationship with so I guess that defers the idea somewhat. Another thing is that I do not want to leave just because of bad hats or bad things about the church. It's the push pull factor issue. And I want to be in the place where I will leave if I feel God saying so. If not, even though there is not much I can contribute now (after being taken out of pa totally and put out of playing into observation), I want to believe that God still has something for me here. So, until God says so, think I will stay. Wah, sounds so spiritual, I like...... :)
Blooper
It pays to make sure the evidence are on your side before you make your accusation. I will remember that. I wrote a nasty email to a colleague in a branch of our eye clinic located in AMK. Had some issues that I encountered on Saturday when I was there for an eye screening. So when I got my chance I shot the email to nail the staff there, or so I thought. One of the points that I brought up was for them to have a proper system set up and communicated to all staff there. Happily I also cc a copy to my supervisor who also has a hand in the clinic there. When the reply, there was a portion highlighted in blue. Apparently there was a detailed system fixed and it was emailed a couple of weeks prior to the event. Being the super slacker I was, I just conveniently overlooked that email. So when I received the reply and saw that portion, I was trying to find some way to explain away the issue. But after a while, I realised I was indeed in the wrong (at least for not reading through the prior emails) and I decided to apologise. Hard pill to swallow. So the lesson I have gleaned from this is simple,..... before an accusation is made, I gotta make sure that the evidence are on my side and I do not have any loopholes. Oh, and sarcasm should be greatly reduced in any form of communication to enhance relationships...... Oops.....
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Random Thoughts
Today went pretty okay I must say. Managed to sleep in a little before going to church. Had a little chat with mum prior to leaving and had some good news. Seems that I am gonna be richer from 2nd quarter on next year. Provided mum keeps working. It's kind of complicated so I won't take the time to elaborate. Hmmm but gotta start thinking bout whether I want to further my studies or not. Not too keen but we'll see.
Church was pretty ok. Managed to spend a while chatting with Joshua. Realised that time really flies. It's like I just knew him not too long ago and now he's talking about marriage and stuff like that. Ha, nuf about that. Only thing is that I did not get the chance to chill with Caleb even for a while. Busy man. Slacker me. :)
Youth band prac was okay. Must admit that I had not made the effort to go through the songs so I did not fair well. Did not expect Caile to be so serious. Was thinking that it'll just be all 'fun and games' so to say but he was serious man. But that's good. It's nice to see him take up a leadership role like he did just now. Proud of him......
Was gonna go out with Ivan after prac but he was ill so he had to rest. Decided to just head home to do my usual music stuff. Think I will not be able to practice much in view of the kl trip this weekend. Hmmm not too sure if I am looking forward to it. Don't think I have been looking forward to anything in a long while. We'll see. Will make the best of it anyhow......
Church was pretty ok. Managed to spend a while chatting with Joshua. Realised that time really flies. It's like I just knew him not too long ago and now he's talking about marriage and stuff like that. Ha, nuf about that. Only thing is that I did not get the chance to chill with Caleb even for a while. Busy man. Slacker me. :)
Youth band prac was okay. Must admit that I had not made the effort to go through the songs so I did not fair well. Did not expect Caile to be so serious. Was thinking that it'll just be all 'fun and games' so to say but he was serious man. But that's good. It's nice to see him take up a leadership role like he did just now. Proud of him......
Was gonna go out with Ivan after prac but he was ill so he had to rest. Decided to just head home to do my usual music stuff. Think I will not be able to practice much in view of the kl trip this weekend. Hmmm not too sure if I am looking forward to it. Don't think I have been looking forward to anything in a long while. We'll see. Will make the best of it anyhow......
Mind Your Own Business Jonah!
I realized that I have spent too much time reading other people's blog. People whom I don't even know. I guess that's not too bad till I started to get emo with them as well. That's bad. Read one blog about how this person's mum died like 3 years ago and he is like only 19 now I think. Felt so sympathetic towards him. Then he was talking bout how his dad is working most of the time and how his dad and brother has bad blood with each other. Recipe for disaster man. I can almost predict how this person's life will turn out. Yet, none of my business. The only good thing is that I have prayed for this person so I did what I could. But on my side if I continue to take in too much of these, I know I will get emo really soon man. So the conclusion is pretty simple. Mind your own business! Simple yet profound. Simple yet difficult to do......
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Shocking News
I just saw a sms from a colleague in my workplace. One of the doctors whom I really don't like got into an accident in Malaysia and died. No, I am not gloating over it. Far from it. I am saddened by it. As much as I do not like the doctor, a life has been lost. Made me rethink about holding grudges against people. Life seems so short and fragile it does seem pointless hating or bearing grudges against anyone. I wanna remember this anytime I have the urge to want to even dislike anyone.
Friday, October 23, 2009
Today's Worship
Worship was okay. Okay, it did feel weird at times cos I seemed to be the only one singing. Of course, my leader George being the supportive one would definitely not leave me in the lurch. At times, I seemed to only hear his and my singing. :) Then by the end of the third song (I did four), I had pretty much lost or was near to losing my voice. I went off pitch at least once during the worship. Other than that, everything went pretty well, guess. Oh this was the first time I was perspiring profusely during worship. In fact, near the end I could feel perspiration on my nose even. Strange. Was I that stressed? Anyway, that's behind me now. Made it a point not to be overly critical about my playing. Just wanted to do all that I could and leave God to do the rest. Will get some feedback from Dawn this Sunday when I see her. Let's see how the vibes go. Okie, gonna go finish my first article for my other blog, the biblical side.......
MC Again
Am on mc again today. Was a little concerned cos I had some flu symptoms again while I was at work. Actually I was not too keen to go see a doc since the symptoms were mild but my colleague convinced me to. Also, I still had a number of days left for my ml claims so why not?
So I took mc for the rest of the day and I went down to see my Chinese Physician. Apparently, some parts of my body were blocked and therefore he helped me clear them and I was feeling great again except for the diarrhea which took a little longer to control. Pretty cool cos I get to have some rest before I go to lead worship for care group tonight. It's been a long while since I last led worship (think easily 2 years or more). Anyway I try not to be overly excited or bothered about it. Just go and see what God does in our midsts.
Had a pretty long chat with my Physician just now. Actually it was not so much a chat since it was pretty one sided. He was telling me the difference between wisdom 智慧 and knowledge 知识. He was explaining how it is easy to get knowledge from books etc but that to use the knowledge properly is wisdom. He also taught me on how to gain weight (which I so desperately need!), the type of exercise to do, etc. Wow, today's consultation fee is definitely worth it......
So I took mc for the rest of the day and I went down to see my Chinese Physician. Apparently, some parts of my body were blocked and therefore he helped me clear them and I was feeling great again except for the diarrhea which took a little longer to control. Pretty cool cos I get to have some rest before I go to lead worship for care group tonight. It's been a long while since I last led worship (think easily 2 years or more). Anyway I try not to be overly excited or bothered about it. Just go and see what God does in our midsts.
Had a pretty long chat with my Physician just now. Actually it was not so much a chat since it was pretty one sided. He was telling me the difference between wisdom 智慧 and knowledge 知识. He was explaining how it is easy to get knowledge from books etc but that to use the knowledge properly is wisdom. He also taught me on how to gain weight (which I so desperately need!), the type of exercise to do, etc. Wow, today's consultation fee is definitely worth it......
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
A Relationship I Can Never Enjoy
It seems so right sometimes. I crave for it with all my heart. How could what seemed so right be so wrong? I know it is wrong. God said it so clearly in His word. Wish I could ignore it sometimes. I did and I paid a heavy price for it. Even now I still suffer at times from the remnants of it. It tears me apart every now and then.
What I wanted was a relationship.
What I wanted was not to be alone anymore.
What I wanted was someone whom I could enjoy my successes in life with.
What I wanted was a person I could turn to to tell my deepest secrets.
What I wanted was someone I know I could call when I am down.
What I wanted was to be a part of that person's life so that that person will not have to face life alone.
What I wanted was intimacy.
What I wanted was a smile from that someone whom I know I love and loves me.
What I wanted was the one whom I could play a love song to.
But what I want I cannot get. What can I say? I know God has my best interests at heart. I know that it is because He loves me that is why I cannot have what I desire. Father knows best.
At the altar I lay all my dreams. All that I really desire I lay them at Your feet. I know it isn't easy. You know it better than I do. You feel it stronger than I do. Even though I feel that a part of me has just died surrendering this area of my life to You, it doesn't matter. My life was Yours to give and to take anyway. Had it not been for You stepping into my life some 16 years ago, I don't even know if I would be here at all. For all that You have given me, this is but a small sacrifice. What can be compared to the sacrifice You made when Your only Son died on the cross for me? I surrender, Father. Help me to keep to my decision. Let me never back off from my words Lord. I am weak but You are strong. You are strong in me. Help me walk this road in a way that pleases Your heart till I see You face to face. "Good and faithful servant." Those are the words I long to hear and may I always remember those words when I am tempted to falter, when I am tempted to give up and give in. I may not feel the love for You right now but I think I have proven it by my actions. Love You Dad......
What I wanted was a relationship.
What I wanted was not to be alone anymore.
What I wanted was someone whom I could enjoy my successes in life with.
What I wanted was a person I could turn to to tell my deepest secrets.
What I wanted was someone I know I could call when I am down.
What I wanted was to be a part of that person's life so that that person will not have to face life alone.
What I wanted was intimacy.
What I wanted was a smile from that someone whom I know I love and loves me.
What I wanted was the one whom I could play a love song to.
But what I want I cannot get. What can I say? I know God has my best interests at heart. I know that it is because He loves me that is why I cannot have what I desire. Father knows best.
At the altar I lay all my dreams. All that I really desire I lay them at Your feet. I know it isn't easy. You know it better than I do. You feel it stronger than I do. Even though I feel that a part of me has just died surrendering this area of my life to You, it doesn't matter. My life was Yours to give and to take anyway. Had it not been for You stepping into my life some 16 years ago, I don't even know if I would be here at all. For all that You have given me, this is but a small sacrifice. What can be compared to the sacrifice You made when Your only Son died on the cross for me? I surrender, Father. Help me to keep to my decision. Let me never back off from my words Lord. I am weak but You are strong. You are strong in me. Help me walk this road in a way that pleases Your heart till I see You face to face. "Good and faithful servant." Those are the words I long to hear and may I always remember those words when I am tempted to falter, when I am tempted to give up and give in. I may not feel the love for You right now but I think I have proven it by my actions. Love You Dad......
Need to Hit the Gym
Had not been to the gym for like a week already. Feels like I have shrunk somewhat. I must hit the gym tomorrow and really work it man. Think I am gonna set a goal to reach 56kg by the end of the year or something. Been stagnating at 53. I know I know stop envying me gals. I started at 46.5 when I really seriously starting gymming. THAT should be envied. :)
Insecure
I am feeling kind of insecure now. Actually I feeling a whole host of negative feelings now. From loneliness to insecurity to inferiority complex to low self-esteem. Was reading someone else's blog and wondering why God made me this way. Why am I not as handsome or good-looking as someone else. It's nice to have physical beauty rather than just inner beauty. It's nice to cause heads to turn once in a while as well. It's nice to have people naturally like me because I look good than for people to find out I am a nice person then start to like me. It's nice to be charismatic as well. Why not me?
I know that most people will tell me that I look okay. But I wanna look good! And all that I can do now is to make do with where I am and just trust that God did not make a mistake (though sometimes I really doubt it!) when He created me. So now I can only make the best of what I have got. Early next year I will probably go for my laser treatment and possibly add a dimple to my face (still considering).
As much as I know that all these stem from a deeper problem inside, I am still gonna get my face done. If I had the money and was younger I probably would have gone to more desperate measures to make myself look good. Anyway, I don't know why I am blabbering such sensitive stuff on my blog. Ah hack!
I know that most people will tell me that I look okay. But I wanna look good! And all that I can do now is to make do with where I am and just trust that God did not make a mistake (though sometimes I really doubt it!) when He created me. So now I can only make the best of what I have got. Early next year I will probably go for my laser treatment and possibly add a dimple to my face (still considering).
As much as I know that all these stem from a deeper problem inside, I am still gonna get my face done. If I had the money and was younger I probably would have gone to more desperate measures to make myself look good. Anyway, I don't know why I am blabbering such sensitive stuff on my blog. Ah hack!
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Retrenched?
Hi Guys,
As the church is moving more towards the prophetic and flowing in the Spirit, we need us as a worship team to carry the flow confidently.
We need this one band lineup for now.
Piano - xxxxx or xxxxx
Guitars - xxxxx
Bass - xxxxx
Drums - xxxxx or xxxxx
xxxxx and Jonah will be observing for the time being (as well as going through personal training with me).
Appreciate your understanding,
xxxxx
It's kind of interesting to receive an email containing the above. It's a very kind way of saying you are fired. But with a spiritual reason to it. It's kind of interesting that on Sunday my sis and I were siting together during service and when we heard my brother play the keyboard, she was commenting about us getting retrenched (we are both keyboard players). She was right! Actually I was aware of it earlier. My coach already told me on Sunday. But I did not expect my sis to be involved as well since her playing is way better than mine. So here it is. The red letter so to say. Actually I am not that bothered about it. To me, sometimes it might be better in that I do not have to wake up early on Sundays. As for learning I can always continue my lessons with my brother and still get the best training available. It's my sis that I am concerned about. It took her a lot to get back to playing the keyboard. Her husband who is my brother in law (duh) even went to speak to the worship coach before he allowed her to make a come back so to say. Guess that did not really help. Anyway, I hope this does not get to her.
Actually this is somewhat an indictment against my church. For one, my pastor often preaches and encourages people to serve and implies that the most important is a willing heart. It's almost like when there is a shortage of people, anyone would do. Then when there is more than enough, only the really qualified ones get to serve. Sorry, maybe I am too cynical about it but those are the vibes I seem to be getting from the church. Sad but true.
In any case, I won't let it bother me or I'll at least try. At the end of the day, we are all answerable to God. For my part I have offered my services and if it ain't appreciated by man, I know One who does appreciate. Thanks Lord. :)
Monday, October 19, 2009
Another Blog! Not Again......
Yap. I have set up another blog. It's http://www.thebiblicalside.blogspot.com/. The reason I set it up is so that I could pen down lessons and revelations I have been blessed with from the scriptures. So do visit it when you can.
MC
Yap. I am on mc. For 2 days. It's been nice not having to wake up to an alarm. Would to God I could have more of this (not the mc of course!). Anyway, other than resting, I really hope to be able to sort out my room and stuff as well. Daunting task but needs to be done man. God help me.
** God Spoke, Yet Again
Think God speaks to me quite often during worship sessions in church. Maybe its because I do not worship(at least not often) at home. Wanted to go for today's Mandarin service worship as well today cos I went through some stuff last night. I felt that I just needed to spend more time worshiping and listening to the word as well. Despite the fact that I snoozed for a long while this morning, I still made it for the 2nd half of the worship session. It felt a little strange at first siting by myself without any company cos most of my buddies attend the English session. But it was good non the less.
As I stood there by myself, God started to touch me. I was feeling quite down at first. But as He touched me, He reminded me or sort of questioned me why I am not going to Him in the area of my life which I am struggling with. The area that I am so struggling with I do not seek Him. I tend to wanna hide it from Him. But He is the One I should run to in the midst of my struggles. After all who else can help me other than God Himself.
Then in the midst of the preaching session, I started to see myself preaching as well. Frankly, I do not know how it is gonna happen, but if it really does happen, it will definitely be God. We'll see.......
Then in the midst of the preaching session, I started to see myself preaching as well. Frankly, I do not know how it is gonna happen, but if it really does happen, it will definitely be God. We'll see.......
Sunday, October 18, 2009
GOD IS A DJ, LIFE IS A DANCE FLOOR AND I AM A PARTY BOY!
Saw a T-shirt with the words above. So cool. Think I will buy the shirt.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Conference
Friday, October 16, 2009
Great Dinner
Just came back from dinner with Caile. It was to celebrate his 19th birthday. Can you believe it? He is 12 years younger than me! It was quite an enjoyable one, to say the least. It is really nice that we have music as our common platform. Caile is a really nice person, no vice and such. I am appreciative that God has brought him into my life. Only sad part was when he mentioned about church. He mentioned that church is less friendly than it used to be. Apparently, he picked up the bad vibes coming from church itself. Hmmm, God protect him from such vibes man. I don't wanna see him getting involved with the affairs of the church. Think a youth like him should live life carefree without such worries. Darn, I forgot to take a pic with him just now. Anyway, really enjoyed tonight. Thank you Lord......
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Damned Cockroaches
Yap I hate cockroaches. Yap and I am afraid of them as well. Yap I know I should not be but unfortunately I am. Was just thinking to myself when I saw this pest that should I ever become a POW, there's no need to use any form of torture on me. Just bring a couple of cockroaches and I think I will confess. LOL. Thank God for pesticides.
So I sprayed some pesticide to it last night and vuala there it is or was this morning! Damn such pests!
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
小情歌
I don't know. I seem to have a lot to say lately. Recently, I have been doing like an average of 1 post per day. That's a lot! I guess its also because of what I have gone through and going through I seem to have more thoughts going through my head. Will try to be light on this one. This is a song that I am trying to learn to play and sing. For some reason, I really like the song a lot. So I requested for my vocal coach to teach me this one. If things go according to the past, I will probably hate or dislike this song by the time I have mastered it as with every other song I have been coached. Somehow, after trying to pin point and master all the fine details of the song, I tend to be quite sick of the song. :) Anyway, enjoy......
** Nick Vujicic 2
One of the reasons why I am inspired by Nick is that I can pretty much relate to him and what he went through. His challenge is more of a physical one while mine is an emotional one. While Nick is physically handicapped, I am emotionally handicapped. Because Nick is physically handicapped, he could not go through a normal physical life. Because I am handicapped in my psyche, I cannot go through a normal love life. Nick used to blame and question God for it. I used to and maybe to a lesser extent am still blaming and questioning God for it. I used it as excuse to rebel against God just recently.
Thank God that He loved me back to repentance. Nick made reference to John 9 about the man born blind when he questioned God about his life. Apparently John 9:1-3 was the answer that God gave to him. As much as to my natural mind it seems hard to fathom a man being born and living all his life blind so that God's power could be shown in him, I am afraid I will not understand it in it's entirety till I see God face to face. And for my part, I suppose that for now I can still live on this till God does something major in my life. After all, if everything can be understood, faith in God will be redundant......
Thank God that He loved me back to repentance. Nick made reference to John 9 about the man born blind when he questioned God about his life. Apparently John 9:1-3 was the answer that God gave to him. As much as to my natural mind it seems hard to fathom a man being born and living all his life blind so that God's power could be shown in him, I am afraid I will not understand it in it's entirety till I see God face to face. And for my part, I suppose that for now I can still live on this till God does something major in my life. After all, if everything can be understood, faith in God will be redundant......
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
** Nick Vujicic
Let me explain myself. I am not one to compare myself with someone who has a worse life than I have to encourage myself. I do not believe in that. Everyone has their own challenges unique to themselves and for me to make someone's challenge relative to myself or someone else's is far from being fair.
Just because someone's problem may seem bigger to our physical eyes does not mean they are definitely suffering more or less emotionally. If a person's psyche is warped enough, the loss of a pencil may cause more grief and hysteria than someone who loses a limb or something. Of course, we can laugh at the supposed 'foolishness' of grieving over a lost pencil compared to another who may have a more serious problem. But the human psyche is so complex that I will not be surprised if that really happens. Now, I am not some expert in psychology but I have had a fair bit of experience and study in regards to this area.
Ha, after babbling so much this is the point I am coming to. Despite the fact that I do not believe in comparing myself to someone who is in a worse off situation to comfort myself or encourage myself, I did find the above video very inspiring. The above person was born without all four limbs. The worse part was that his mum has had scans prior to to delivering him to make sure everything was alright. And all the scans did not show any problems prior. You can imagine the shock and horror when the doctor who delivered him told the parents that he had no limbs at all. His dad is a pastor and his mum a nurse. I can give you the whole story but I think it is more impactful should you watch it on your own......
Being Critical
Have been attending seminar after seminar these couple of days. They are actually eye disease related talks targetted at eye docs. Could hardly understand much of what they were talking about. But I managed to sit there looking intendly at the speaker, occasionally nodding away as if I understood what he was talking about. My philosophy's very simple when it comes to work. 'Fake it till you make it.' Of course I never did 'make it' in the sense of understanding what the speaker was trying to bring across BUT I definitely made it for the "fake it' part. :)
If I went away learning anything these two days, it would have been that the human body is really really complex and that we truly are 'wonderfully' made according the bible (Psalm 139:14). As the speaker went through certain conditions that could go wrong with the brain, I realised how much precision had to go into making the human body. Just a slight variance here and there could cause big problems to the body.
Another thing that I realised is that there are a lot of normal variance in the human body. That means there could be certain parts which vary from human to human and yet that is normal for that specific person. I suppose that could be reflected to the personality and character as well. All too often, I tend to be critical over how a person behaves and often classifies them as weird or abnormal just because it does not fit my paradigm of a normal character (often I am my own gauge). And that is something I want to learn to accept and be less critical and picky about. Who am I to judge if someone is weird or not?
1 Cor 4:5 (NASB): Therefore do not go on passing judgment before the time, but wait until the Lord comes who will both bring to light the things hidden in the darkness and disclose the motives of men's hearts; and then each man's praise will come to him from God.
Romans 14:5 (NASB): But you, why do you judge your brother? Or you again, why do you regard your brother with contempt? For we will all stand before the judgment seat of God.
Okie, another lesson to learn. Think this will be a tough one man......
If I went away learning anything these two days, it would have been that the human body is really really complex and that we truly are 'wonderfully' made according the bible (Psalm 139:14). As the speaker went through certain conditions that could go wrong with the brain, I realised how much precision had to go into making the human body. Just a slight variance here and there could cause big problems to the body.
Another thing that I realised is that there are a lot of normal variance in the human body. That means there could be certain parts which vary from human to human and yet that is normal for that specific person. I suppose that could be reflected to the personality and character as well. All too often, I tend to be critical over how a person behaves and often classifies them as weird or abnormal just because it does not fit my paradigm of a normal character (often I am my own gauge). And that is something I want to learn to accept and be less critical and picky about. Who am I to judge if someone is weird or not?
1 Cor 4:5 (NASB): Therefore do not go on passing judgment before the time, but wait until the Lord comes who will both bring to light the things hidden in the darkness and disclose the motives of men's hearts; and then each man's praise will come to him from God.
Romans 14:5 (NASB): But you, why do you judge your brother? Or you again, why do you regard your brother with contempt? For we will all stand before the judgment seat of God.
Okie, another lesson to learn. Think this will be a tough one man......
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Heading Somewhere
Yap. Recently, Daniel wanted a youth worship team to be set up. So, it was set up. Caile is the leader (sucker!). And guess what. I am in it as well. Yep yep I know I am far from being a youth but anyway I am in. Glad that we are headed somewhere. Hope this works out. :) Today was the first meeting where we sorted out roles and etc.
** God Spoke
I felt God speaking to me today. The first was when I was siting beside my sis while she and the rest of the english worship team were practicing for worship. As they practiced, I just felt strongly that worship is where I belonged to. I also felt the call to lead a pure life. I must not let my stream be polluted. Ooops. The second was when I was worshipping in the midst of the congregation at the english worship itself. I just felt that I was meant to be like an eagle soaring in the sky. Yes, my life is tough especially when it comes to my emotional life now but I am called to soar above those storms of life. All these in the midst of my life being in shambles. Amazing. I really need God's help.
In the midst of the worship as they sang this song from Hillsong a long time ago, a scene flashed back to my mind. It was when I was still in NCC and they were still going from hotel to hotel to hold their service. I think it was in Shangrila if my memory serves me right. I was with a friend Thomas. We were peers then. Can't remember what we were doing then. I started to sing a worship song and he started to sing along. We sang for a while and I think I went off pitch because I could not reach or something. He laughed a little and I smiled. Can't remember what happened after that (think it was easily a decade ago) but this scene went through my mind and I started to think about the former times. It did not matter that I sang off key. It mattered only that it came from a heart so in love with God. Hmmm, how much I have deviated from that. Now, I sing to impress and off key is an absolute no-no, a taboo of sorts. Really wanna go back to that again. When nothing else really mattered in life. All that mattered is God......
In the midst of the worship as they sang this song from Hillsong a long time ago, a scene flashed back to my mind. It was when I was still in NCC and they were still going from hotel to hotel to hold their service. I think it was in Shangrila if my memory serves me right. I was with a friend Thomas. We were peers then. Can't remember what we were doing then. I started to sing a worship song and he started to sing along. We sang for a while and I think I went off pitch because I could not reach or something. He laughed a little and I smiled. Can't remember what happened after that (think it was easily a decade ago) but this scene went through my mind and I started to think about the former times. It did not matter that I sang off key. It mattered only that it came from a heart so in love with God. Hmmm, how much I have deviated from that. Now, I sing to impress and off key is an absolute no-no, a taboo of sorts. Really wanna go back to that again. When nothing else really mattered in life. All that mattered is God......
Saturday, October 10, 2009
I AM JUSTIFIED!
During my part time work at Nan Fang today, I popped the question to Ricky, one of my mentors in the trade about the pinhole incident that happened to me two days ago. He agreed with me! In fact he said that was the protocol to follow. He himself interpreted the prescription the way I would, the way ANY optometrist would! YES! I feel justified! Actually, at the end of the day being right is overrated. BUT it still feels good to be! LOL.
Just to set things right, my issue is not as much about the interpretation of the prescription than the attitude my supervisor came in with to confront me. Anyway, what's done is done and I suppose there is not much point going over it anymore. So yap, its time to let go.......
Time seemed to have past pretty fast today at Nan Fang. I was dreading to go cos I wanted so much to slack at home. The thing is that had I stayed at home, I wouldn't have had much done anyway. So might as well go work and earn some quick bucks man. :) Think I will rest earlier tonight. Will go church earlier to attend the mandarin service as well as support my sis as she plays the keyboard for worship. So, till next time......
Just to set things right, my issue is not as much about the interpretation of the prescription than the attitude my supervisor came in with to confront me. Anyway, what's done is done and I suppose there is not much point going over it anymore. So yap, its time to let go.......
Time seemed to have past pretty fast today at Nan Fang. I was dreading to go cos I wanted so much to slack at home. The thing is that had I stayed at home, I wouldn't have had much done anyway. So might as well go work and earn some quick bucks man. :) Think I will rest earlier tonight. Will go church earlier to attend the mandarin service as well as support my sis as she plays the keyboard for worship. So, till next time......
Friday, October 9, 2009
Peaceful and Quiet......
All is over. Had a really busy day and now I am relaxing in the midst of my night clinic. Hopefully I will not see any more patients for the rest of the night. I feel like I am in some place where a war is just over. Peaceful, serene, quiet...... Such a contrast to the day I had today. Think I really need to be peaceful inside. Been feeling ruffled so easily. Been really edgy off late as well. Anyway, enough of that. Now I just wanna enjoy the tranquility that the night brings.......
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Okay I am Pissed
Work today has been really busy to say the least. The clinic was packed. I was running around to help cover different rooms and to help out. Then something happened that brought about a series of cascades to my mood and well being. It started with a patient I checked the power of in the afternoon. His left eye was normal but his right eye had quite a high power and no matter how, I could not get his eye to perfect vision with glasses. I then used a pinhole to check his visual potential. After that, I realised that his visual potential was much better than the results I got with lenses. But no matter how I tried I just could not improve his vision any further. The best I got was 6/90. With pinhole he could reach 6/24. That was a vast difference. So I just wrote what I got and what his best visual potential was.
After some time, my supervisor called to ask why I wrote what I wrote. When she asked that, I knew something was coming up. I explained myself and after that, she asked if I could just leave out the pinhole part and she rewrite one for me. Which was fine with me. After that, just prior to a meeting which we were supposed to have, she walked into the room with the prescription I wrote for my patient. Apparently, the doctor who saw the patient went to her after I left the room (to return to my original workplace) to query why I gave such a prescription. So she and another supervisor saw my prescription and both disagreed with the way I wrote it. Actually, to me it seemed really obvious what I was implying when I wrote it. All it implied was that with my checks I could only get my patient to see 6/90 with glasses but with the pinhole my patient could see better. What was so complicated about that??????? I do admit though that I could have written down a sentence or two to better explain what I meant by that but to me its really weird that the doctor and even my supervisors (as trained optometrists) could not interprete or understand it.
Anyway, when she came in she started asking me questions as to how come that could happen and all that. Thinking back I did not really explain myself well cos I was still trying to figure out why my prescription did not make sense and why they could not understand it. But I must admit that I started to get defensive even though I am very convinced about my results. She then asked my questions about how my results were theoretically not possible to obtain and do I explain that. Duh, that's the bloody job of the eye doctors! If I had that much knowledge into the problems of the eye I would be an eye doc already! Then she also made comments like "I did not expect this from you." So do I always have to be on my toes everywhere I go. Just because I am experienced does not mean I am perfect! In the end we were pretty divided and did not really have a conclusion to the issue other than that I should write in a line or two to better explain myself the next time. Oh please. The next time I come across this, I will conveniently leave out whatever details that would cause this kind of debate again. Such a big fuss over this stupid issue, duh spare me.
Now for the WORST PART. After the little "harmless" debate we had, my supervisor brought up that the patient was a universal precaution patient. I.e HIV positive. The BLOODY DOCTOR who got me to check his patient knew that his patient was HIV +ve yet he did not have the courtesy to inform me so that I could do some basic precaution while seeing his patient. Usually, when a patient has HIV, the folders will have some form of identification. This one did not have and the doc obviously forgot to inform me or make a note of it. I really have the mind to lodge a complaint against him. If not for the fact that he is a nice person (other than today), I would have done it already. And while my supervisor and I were talking about this serious matter, my other supervisor just had to crack a joke that the eye doc cares for my supervisor more than for me since he informed her just before she checked the patient and not me. How BLOODY TACTLESS. For a female to make such a comment is just out of this world. I can totally understand if a male colleague made the comment I can understand cos guys can be pretty senseless sometimes. But for her to make such a comment,......
Okay, now that I have gotten it off my chest, it is time to chill. I remember my sis saying to her kid: "Let it go, you are bigger than this." Think I gotta tell myself as well: "Let it go Khai, you are bigger than this." Actually I am not bigger than this. One reason I will drop this is that I do not want my relationship with my colleagues to go sour over such a trivial issue. Also, I do feel a little tension between one of my supervisors and me. Don't wanna worsen it. Yap, and it is time to sleep as well. Loooonnnngggg day tomorrow.
"Father thank you that You are my vindicator. Thank you that in all these situations Your love for me does not change. Thank you for the strength You supply me with. In You I am secure."
After some time, my supervisor called to ask why I wrote what I wrote. When she asked that, I knew something was coming up. I explained myself and after that, she asked if I could just leave out the pinhole part and she rewrite one for me. Which was fine with me. After that, just prior to a meeting which we were supposed to have, she walked into the room with the prescription I wrote for my patient. Apparently, the doctor who saw the patient went to her after I left the room (to return to my original workplace) to query why I gave such a prescription. So she and another supervisor saw my prescription and both disagreed with the way I wrote it. Actually, to me it seemed really obvious what I was implying when I wrote it. All it implied was that with my checks I could only get my patient to see 6/90 with glasses but with the pinhole my patient could see better. What was so complicated about that??????? I do admit though that I could have written down a sentence or two to better explain what I meant by that but to me its really weird that the doctor and even my supervisors (as trained optometrists) could not interprete or understand it.
Anyway, when she came in she started asking me questions as to how come that could happen and all that. Thinking back I did not really explain myself well cos I was still trying to figure out why my prescription did not make sense and why they could not understand it. But I must admit that I started to get defensive even though I am very convinced about my results. She then asked my questions about how my results were theoretically not possible to obtain and do I explain that. Duh, that's the bloody job of the eye doctors! If I had that much knowledge into the problems of the eye I would be an eye doc already! Then she also made comments like "I did not expect this from you." So do I always have to be on my toes everywhere I go. Just because I am experienced does not mean I am perfect! In the end we were pretty divided and did not really have a conclusion to the issue other than that I should write in a line or two to better explain myself the next time. Oh please. The next time I come across this, I will conveniently leave out whatever details that would cause this kind of debate again. Such a big fuss over this stupid issue, duh spare me.
Now for the WORST PART. After the little "harmless" debate we had, my supervisor brought up that the patient was a universal precaution patient. I.e HIV positive. The BLOODY DOCTOR who got me to check his patient knew that his patient was HIV +ve yet he did not have the courtesy to inform me so that I could do some basic precaution while seeing his patient. Usually, when a patient has HIV, the folders will have some form of identification. This one did not have and the doc obviously forgot to inform me or make a note of it. I really have the mind to lodge a complaint against him. If not for the fact that he is a nice person (other than today), I would have done it already. And while my supervisor and I were talking about this serious matter, my other supervisor just had to crack a joke that the eye doc cares for my supervisor more than for me since he informed her just before she checked the patient and not me. How BLOODY TACTLESS. For a female to make such a comment is just out of this world. I can totally understand if a male colleague made the comment I can understand cos guys can be pretty senseless sometimes. But for her to make such a comment,......
Okay, now that I have gotten it off my chest, it is time to chill. I remember my sis saying to her kid: "Let it go, you are bigger than this." Think I gotta tell myself as well: "Let it go Khai, you are bigger than this." Actually I am not bigger than this. One reason I will drop this is that I do not want my relationship with my colleagues to go sour over such a trivial issue. Also, I do feel a little tension between one of my supervisors and me. Don't wanna worsen it. Yap, and it is time to sleep as well. Loooonnnngggg day tomorrow.
"Father thank you that You are my vindicator. Thank you that in all these situations Your love for me does not change. Thank you for the strength You supply me with. In You I am secure."
A New Blog
I have created a new blog! It is a blog on massage therapy as well as aromatherapy. It's a new blog so I have yet to officially start blogging yet but do check it out soon. It's at http://www.onthemassagetable.blogspot.com/ .
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Thoughts
Just finished a lesson with my bro a while ago. Now I am reading some local celebs' blogs which I chanced upon after dinner just now. Actually, I feel that I am quite schizo at times. I often see myself as a quiet reserved guy, just happy to do back stage stuff, no need of recognition, etc. But I do frequently yearn to be in the limelight of sorts. A celeb or something. Appearing on media, being the centre of attention. Performing on stage, wowing people, etc.
Hmmm, actually I am a little embarrased to admit this, but after existing for close to 31 years on this place known as Earth, I am still trying to find out who or what I am. I envy people who are obviously living in what they are meant to do. I always use Jay Chou as as example. He is so super talented in music and he is using it to his best advantage. He enjoys what he does and makes tons out of it. Hmmm, what am I called to do? I used to be very sure it is to teach and preach the bible, but I really am not too sure now. I feel lost sometimes. Is it music? Hmmm, I still have this subconscious fear that if I ask God, I might just freak out cos it might just be something which I do not want to do.
Crap. Wish I was just unconsciously doing what I ought to do. Arrrghhhh. Gotta start seeking God man. :(
Hmmm, actually I am a little embarrased to admit this, but after existing for close to 31 years on this place known as Earth, I am still trying to find out who or what I am. I envy people who are obviously living in what they are meant to do. I always use Jay Chou as as example. He is so super talented in music and he is using it to his best advantage. He enjoys what he does and makes tons out of it. Hmmm, what am I called to do? I used to be very sure it is to teach and preach the bible, but I really am not too sure now. I feel lost sometimes. Is it music? Hmmm, I still have this subconscious fear that if I ask God, I might just freak out cos it might just be something which I do not want to do.
Crap. Wish I was just unconsciously doing what I ought to do. Arrrghhhh. Gotta start seeking God man. :(
I am so Drained!
I feel so drained. Other than worrying about an issue, I just found out that next month my work schedule is messed up, to say the least. Actually, things are not that bad but somehow my mind seems to be in a haze right now.
"Thank you Lord I have the mind of Christ!"
"Thank you Lord I have the mind of Christ!"
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Dinner with Colleagues
Today I joined a few of my colleagues for dinner. It was my very first time eating at an Italian restaurant (La Strada). A little embarrasing but true none the less. I must say that the ambience was pretty good. I was pleasantly surprised I felt pretty comfortable in the midst of my female collagues being the only male. Though it was supposed to be a pretty posh place I think we sort of ruined it with our conversations and laughters.
The food was quite good as well and it did not end up as expensive as I thought it might have been. After that we had ice-cream together. We also had a good chat as well before we made our way home. Overall, I was glad to have joined them. Looking forward to more man. :)
The food was quite good as well and it did not end up as expensive as I thought it might have been. After that we had ice-cream together. We also had a good chat as well before we made our way home. Overall, I was glad to have joined them. Looking forward to more man. :)
Sunday, October 4, 2009
二胡
When I got home, I passed her her gift and she was pleasantly surprised. At first I thought that it was more of a politeness expression than gratitude. That was until I was done showering and I heard some erhu sounds coming from outside. I opened my door and stood outside to take a peep at what my mum was doing. She was fiddling with the erhu much like a child would play with a new toy just received. It warmed my heart. I know that on her own, it would take forever before she would go out and just get the instrument. She even asked me whether the place I bought the instrument offered courses.
A sense of satisfaction came over me as I returned to my room for my much needed nap. I had gotten her the instrument with the intention that she would have some form of leisure rather than just work and sleep and watch tv the whole time. I anticipated that either she would just chuck it aside totally or wait a long time before she would enrol for any form of lesson. But she actually asked me practically immediately to get brochures so that she could start learning. Great!
So to my neighbours living around me, if they thought that the high pitched sounds they hear regularly from my unit was all there was, wait till they hear the screeching sounds from the erhu as well! But do not dismay, God's word as always offers timely help. I quote you from psalm 91:3 (King James Version) which says:" Surely he shall deliver thee from the snare of the fowler, and from the noisome pestilence." (Pun totally intended) :)
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Surrogates
For the rest of the story I will leave you to watch it on your own. The reason I gave the short intro was because of its relation to real life, or at least to my life. I can see why people in the movie would rather live their lives through robots. The robots can look as good as they want to and others will never have to or get to see their "true" self. I think I am somewhat like that as well. When coming in contact with people, I sometimes protray a personality or character that is not really me but what I would like people to see me as. Even with all the face treatments and soon to come laser treatments, I am trying to become what I would like people to see me as and not what I am really. In the event that surrogates become a reality I know that I would definitely choose one which is better looking and hunkier. Haha, it certainly beats having to go to the gym to get that kind of body. :)
Church
Had a great lesson with my brother just now. It was really interesting to find out about the different types of classical music. Hmmm, starting to get more and more cultured man. :) There's really so much about music to learn and explore. I really wanna quit my job and go full time into learning music man. Sigh. So much to learn. So little time and money.
After lesson, we were chatting about church. Actually there has been a lot of stuff going on in church. If you do continue to read this specific blog, please read on till the end cos I wanna give a proper completion to this blog rather than to leave a really bad impression about church. Because my brother has been pretty active in church lately, he has heard a fair bit about the stuff that happens in church. I too, because I was once a youth leader and still am involoved in other ministries have my fair share of hearing bout the stuff that is going on in church.
Because I do not have the full picture (nobody has) I do not want to go into details. But the picture really is not good. There seems to be a fair bit of disputes and disagreements within the management of the church. I suppose there will always be such in any setting but what disappoints me is the way things are handled. From what I noticed (again I emphasize that I do not know the full picture), there has been a lot of good people coming in and leaving church. Also, there is a couple in church who are elders whom I feel have been pretty much ostracized by the leadership (I do not know exactly why). I have heard reasons before that could have contributed to it but if I have to take sides I would stand on their side. I may not have convincing evidence to support my standing by them but there are things in their lives which I see glaringly reflect their heart of service and their character.
Number 1. Despite being ostracized by the leadership, they are still helping out in whichever way they can, big or small. They even help out in taking video during the service. Most would probably left church already. Number 2. They are very approachable and down to earth despite being rich and having been high up in the corperate world. There is another elder who is in church who is rich and high up in the corporate world who gives me the EXACT OPPOSITE impression. As far as I can see, I see them practicing the love walk and being faithful even in the small things. I cannot say that for some others in leadership.
Anyway, God has not called us to take sides. I just felt that I wanted to pen it down. Now for the balance to it. I suppose that in many churches these issues do exist. I suppose that some churches are so big that it does not reach the congregation. In any case, the management and leadership is still made up of humans and that's where all the problems come in. Knowing all the facts that I know now does not help me in any way. In fact it has caused me to be cold to certain issues and people in church. That should not be the way. God has called us to love. And knowing more about the ugly side of man certainly does not facilitate love in any way. And when we see issues like that crop up in church, our first response should be to pray and not to blurt out what we think. We should always bear in mind that we do not have the full picture and probably will never have. Only God knows all that is going on and our first respose should be to look to Him so that negative emotions do not have the chance to creep in and spoil our hearts.
I used to adopt this verse in my former workplace and I am reminded all over again to adopt this for any arena of my life. Proverbs 26:17 says "Like one who takes a dog by the ears Is he who passes by and meddles with strife not belonging to him." We all know what happens when we try to take a dog by the ears right? If you do not know, do try it sometime. Do try it on a big german shepherd or something. Then you will realise what the verse is talking about. I used to hold this verse to my heart a lot cos in my former workplace there will always be a lot of complaints against the boss. So in order for me not to get emotionally involved, I always try to avoid all the complaint sessions regularly held after lunch. I believe that this should be applied to church as well. In order to serve God whole heartedly, I believe that many time we have to just bypass issues that are actually none of our business. Not to mention the fact that many times, we do not have the exact picture, there is no point of getting upset about something that you do not totally know about.
I realise that for now only God truely sees things as they really are so lets leave the judgement to Him. Tough job trying to be God when you are not.......
After lesson, we were chatting about church. Actually there has been a lot of stuff going on in church. If you do continue to read this specific blog, please read on till the end cos I wanna give a proper completion to this blog rather than to leave a really bad impression about church. Because my brother has been pretty active in church lately, he has heard a fair bit about the stuff that happens in church. I too, because I was once a youth leader and still am involoved in other ministries have my fair share of hearing bout the stuff that is going on in church.
Because I do not have the full picture (nobody has) I do not want to go into details. But the picture really is not good. There seems to be a fair bit of disputes and disagreements within the management of the church. I suppose there will always be such in any setting but what disappoints me is the way things are handled. From what I noticed (again I emphasize that I do not know the full picture), there has been a lot of good people coming in and leaving church. Also, there is a couple in church who are elders whom I feel have been pretty much ostracized by the leadership (I do not know exactly why). I have heard reasons before that could have contributed to it but if I have to take sides I would stand on their side. I may not have convincing evidence to support my standing by them but there are things in their lives which I see glaringly reflect their heart of service and their character.
Number 1. Despite being ostracized by the leadership, they are still helping out in whichever way they can, big or small. They even help out in taking video during the service. Most would probably left church already. Number 2. They are very approachable and down to earth despite being rich and having been high up in the corperate world. There is another elder who is in church who is rich and high up in the corporate world who gives me the EXACT OPPOSITE impression. As far as I can see, I see them practicing the love walk and being faithful even in the small things. I cannot say that for some others in leadership.
Anyway, God has not called us to take sides. I just felt that I wanted to pen it down. Now for the balance to it. I suppose that in many churches these issues do exist. I suppose that some churches are so big that it does not reach the congregation. In any case, the management and leadership is still made up of humans and that's where all the problems come in. Knowing all the facts that I know now does not help me in any way. In fact it has caused me to be cold to certain issues and people in church. That should not be the way. God has called us to love. And knowing more about the ugly side of man certainly does not facilitate love in any way. And when we see issues like that crop up in church, our first response should be to pray and not to blurt out what we think. We should always bear in mind that we do not have the full picture and probably will never have. Only God knows all that is going on and our first respose should be to look to Him so that negative emotions do not have the chance to creep in and spoil our hearts.
I used to adopt this verse in my former workplace and I am reminded all over again to adopt this for any arena of my life. Proverbs 26:17 says "Like one who takes a dog by the ears Is he who passes by and meddles with strife not belonging to him." We all know what happens when we try to take a dog by the ears right? If you do not know, do try it sometime. Do try it on a big german shepherd or something. Then you will realise what the verse is talking about. I used to hold this verse to my heart a lot cos in my former workplace there will always be a lot of complaints against the boss. So in order for me not to get emotionally involved, I always try to avoid all the complaint sessions regularly held after lunch. I believe that this should be applied to church as well. In order to serve God whole heartedly, I believe that many time we have to just bypass issues that are actually none of our business. Not to mention the fact that many times, we do not have the exact picture, there is no point of getting upset about something that you do not totally know about.
I realise that for now only God truely sees things as they really are so lets leave the judgement to Him. Tough job trying to be God when you are not.......
Friday, October 2, 2009
Confession
I have a confession to make. It involves my integrity at work. Actually, I did a pair of glasses for someone recently. When the glasses came back from the manufacturer, the specifications were off from what I required. But being too lazy, I decided to keep the glasses anyway. I dispensed it yesterday and today the patient's mum returned to complain. At first I forgot bout the lapse on my part and I spent a lot of time trying to explain away her concerns and that they were unfounded. Then as I looked at the glasses, I realised that it could be the issue that I chose to ignore that could be the problem. Then instead of apologising for my mistake, I still tried to find some excuse to shift away my fault. Starting to feel embarrased talking bout this.
All these problems could have easily been prevented had I bothered to send back the glasses in the first place. And now the patient and his mum had to make extra trips (and the lack of parking space within the hospital certainly does not help) because of me. I felt bad. I told the mum to leave the glasses while I found out what the problem could be. What a hypocrite I was. Later I called her to explain that the manufacturer's fault (which was true) but I twisted it in such a way that it was not totally my fault. I did apologise for overlooking the specifications but not for being lazy and not bothered about the glasses. In fact I did at first tell the mum to force the glasses on the patient (yes I did that!). Thank God that the mum was insistent of not letting the patient wear the glasses. If not, I would have been in even deeper shit. My goodness I am starting to feel bad all over again. Which I should. That would teach me NEVER to do such a dumb thing again.
In fact the mum was commenting as she made the glasses with us that our price was much steeper than the place she went to. It was like 30% more on our side. But she continued to do it with us because she liked us. Ooops, trust misplaced. My goodness, how could I be such a jerk! In any case, I have sent back the glasses to the manufacturers for them to replace the lenses. Learnt a lesson today man.
All these problems could have easily been prevented had I bothered to send back the glasses in the first place. And now the patient and his mum had to make extra trips (and the lack of parking space within the hospital certainly does not help) because of me. I felt bad. I told the mum to leave the glasses while I found out what the problem could be. What a hypocrite I was. Later I called her to explain that the manufacturer's fault (which was true) but I twisted it in such a way that it was not totally my fault. I did apologise for overlooking the specifications but not for being lazy and not bothered about the glasses. In fact I did at first tell the mum to force the glasses on the patient (yes I did that!). Thank God that the mum was insistent of not letting the patient wear the glasses. If not, I would have been in even deeper shit. My goodness I am starting to feel bad all over again. Which I should. That would teach me NEVER to do such a dumb thing again.
In fact the mum was commenting as she made the glasses with us that our price was much steeper than the place she went to. It was like 30% more on our side. But she continued to do it with us because she liked us. Ooops, trust misplaced. My goodness, how could I be such a jerk! In any case, I have sent back the glasses to the manufacturers for them to replace the lenses. Learnt a lesson today man.
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