is a young patient of mine (bout 6-7 years old). He is a cute boy in a very unfortunate circumstance. His left eye is blind and his right eye has very bad vision. After wearing glasses of about 900 degrees short-sightedness and 200 degrees of astigmatism, he needs to stand at 6 metres to see what a normal person can see at 38 metres. And he has a whole life ahead of him.
His mum was buying spects from us and was telling me and a colleague about how generous he was compared to his brother. She told us that whenever he had any money he would always give to charity whereas his brother would only give away a very small sum compared to what he had. Mum was telling us how she had to teach him that he should keep some as a form of savings for himself. When asked if he had a hundred bucks how much he would give away, he would reply all whereas his brother would only give five.
As I look at him, I really feel love towards him. Young, simple and trusting. The reason he said that he would give all was that he did not need any. What a big heart! He knows he's taken care of and thus he can be generous to others. How many of us can really say that despite the fact that we have a God Who takes care of us and loves us? Food for thought......
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
** Looking Back 2009 Part 2
Hmmm. There are a couple of things I am quite proud of in this year and many others I am not proud of. Ooops.......
Proud......
1) Been consistent in a) gymming.
b) blogging.
Ashamed......
1) Slacking in a) work.
b) music.
c) spending time with God.
d) reading and studying the bible.
e) taming my emotions.
f) savings.
2010. What do I want to do/ see?
1) lead worship in church.
2) stick to and concentrate on all my current instruments: 1) Piano 2) Guitar 3) Sax 4) Dizi 5) Vocal
3) consistency in spending time with God and the word. Study.
4) renewed motivation at work. Growth at work.
5) more travelling to see the world.
6) spending more time with my loved ones/ friends.
7) learn freestyle and if possible butterfly.
8) less time at gym.
9) kiv massage.
10) save more, possibly to buy a car. :)
Proud......
1) Been consistent in a) gymming.
b) blogging.
Ashamed......
1) Slacking in a) work.
b) music.
c) spending time with God.
d) reading and studying the bible.
e) taming my emotions.
f) savings.
2010. What do I want to do/ see?
1) lead worship in church.
2) stick to and concentrate on all my current instruments: 1) Piano 2) Guitar 3) Sax 4) Dizi 5) Vocal
3) consistency in spending time with God and the word. Study.
4) renewed motivation at work. Growth at work.
5) more travelling to see the world.
6) spending more time with my loved ones/ friends.
7) learn freestyle and if possible butterfly.
8) less time at gym.
9) kiv massage.
10) save more, possibly to buy a car. :)
Seats In The Train
I think finding a seat in the train is mostly overated. Unfortunately I seem to be one of the few who believe that. Don't get me wrong. I believe there are people who really need the seats in the train. Unfortunately, I don't think they are the ones who end up getting them.
You'll be amazed sometimes at how fast people can be when it comes to attempting to get seats for themselves. With the speed they display, its really hard to convince me that they desperately need the seat. In fact, the ones who need then seats are probably the elderly (who are generally slower) and the pregnant ladies. So they would generally be the ones who lose out. After all, why would someone give up the seat they fought so hard and went through so much stress to obtain?
What's more irritating is that people are desperate to get seats just to last them for a couple of stops. Will it really kill just to stand for a few stops? With the shape and the general lack of exercise a typical Singaporean has, SMRT should not offer seats at all. After all, if most who are need them will not get them, we might as well all stand. To be fair, there are many kind souls who offer up their seats to the needy. But for the fact that we are praising them is a shame in itself. It should be so norm that it is not worth mentioning. Okay, enough of complaining......
Sunday, December 27, 2009
** Looking Back 2009
I suppose now is pretty much the time to look back to the happenings and learnings of 2009. A friend asked my a couple of days ago about how 2009 went for me. My immediate response was it did not go well. I find it difficult to lie and I do not like to give cliche answers when I don't mean them. When I was pondering it again at the club today I actually realised that this year has been a really really good year. For those who know what I am going through and have gone through the past year, you may think I sort of lost it. But seriously, other than the emotional part, I can truthfully say I have had a blessed year and I will elaborate further to see if I am right or I have really lost it......
1) Throughout this year, especially for the later part, God has touched my heart in very tangible ways. I have had a lot of emotional releases. All these despite my downright rebellion against Him and His ways. God has been faithful to hold me through most of the toughest times for me emotionally. Many times through this year, I really felt I would have crumbled under the weight of the emotional catastrophes that came my way. But now I am still standing. Weak still but very much alive. Trust me, had temptations to make it to the obituary page...... To God: sorry for the pain I caused you. Sorry for the times I chose a person instead of you. You could have left me to my own devices but You intervened time and time again to save me from myself. I can't guarantee the rest of my journey will be walked in total obedience. I have already broken so many promises I have made You that I am afraid to make another one. One thing I do know, is that You will never let me go. And on that fact I will lean really hard. Thanks for everything God. Many things I do not understand now, but one day I will and I know I will regret on that day I have not trusted Your Father's heart enough. Love You Father......
2) I discovered some really beautiful friendships. People who knew about my challenges and yet accepted me as I was. I did not face any discrimination or despise from any of the friends whom I confided in. Some were my colleagues and some were church friends.
To Caleb: thanks for being someone whom I could trust my secrets with. Thanks for not condemning me and being there for me. Love you.
To Siew Lian: thanks for being so considerate of my circumstances and changing me out of AMK clinic for a period of time. Thanks for praying for me to repent. Don't know if I have fully repented but I know God had been on my back because of your prayers and I know He doesn't relent......
3) I found a best friend in my sis. Someone who was willing to walk the journey with me through my pain and joy, all without judging me but loving me and accepting me throughout. Reading my blog regularly to make sure I am still okay. :) All the encouragements and affirmations I hold deep in my heart. To Sis: just because we are siblings does not give me a right to expect all that you've done for me. As much as my challenges have made us closer in our relationship, there's a part of me that really feels bad for causing you all the heartaches. You have your own burdens to bear as a wife cum mother yet you have to share my burdens as well. For that I am eternally grateful. I really am. I love you, my sis, my best friend......
4) I met a person who made me realise things about myself I never knew. J. Although things ended in a pretty sour note and the majority of my heartache stemmed from my relationship with J, there are still some things I treasure. To J: thanks for the moments we had together over the phone. Never realised I could ever have phone conversations that last for hours. Thanks for spending time with me over a swim and dinner. Never knew I could find someone so similar to me in practically every aspect and yet be unique as you are. Never realised I could love someone the way I do you in the span of just 2 weeks. Never could have imagined the pain I felt when you stepped out of my life in an instant. Unfortunately, even if you did not just disappear from my life, our fate would still be the same because it is just so wrong to begin with. I know that post will never be read by you but none the less I just wanted you to know..... I love and miss you still...... very much. My only hope is that when all is over I'll be able to see you on the other side. Hopefully then we can get to spend some time together, without the fear, the guilt, the shame......
5) I have worked with really good colleagues. My boast has always been that since the beginning of my career, I have always worked with really good colleagues. And I am proud to say TTSH has been no exception. Granted, there are times of frustrations with colleagues but it happens on such occasional basis that I don't believe it's worth comparing to the rest of the good times we enjoy as colleagues. To my colleagues: I really appreciate each and everyone of you. Having communicated with many others in the working world, I sometimes wish that my colleagues could be everybody's colleagues so that the world would be so much better a place. I always believe that since work constitutes about a third of an average person's life, it should be enjoyed as much as possible. You people have made it so easy to enjoy work. And for that I thank you all. And I have not even come to the personal friendships we hold with each other. Love you all......
Hmmm, have said a mouthful. Guess all these are enough to prove my point. Not that my emotions are fully recovered. But I really cannot deny God's goodness in my life just because I do not feel good in my emotions.
Thanks for everything Father......
1) Throughout this year, especially for the later part, God has touched my heart in very tangible ways. I have had a lot of emotional releases. All these despite my downright rebellion against Him and His ways. God has been faithful to hold me through most of the toughest times for me emotionally. Many times through this year, I really felt I would have crumbled under the weight of the emotional catastrophes that came my way. But now I am still standing. Weak still but very much alive. Trust me, had temptations to make it to the obituary page...... To God: sorry for the pain I caused you. Sorry for the times I chose a person instead of you. You could have left me to my own devices but You intervened time and time again to save me from myself. I can't guarantee the rest of my journey will be walked in total obedience. I have already broken so many promises I have made You that I am afraid to make another one. One thing I do know, is that You will never let me go. And on that fact I will lean really hard. Thanks for everything God. Many things I do not understand now, but one day I will and I know I will regret on that day I have not trusted Your Father's heart enough. Love You Father......
2) I discovered some really beautiful friendships. People who knew about my challenges and yet accepted me as I was. I did not face any discrimination or despise from any of the friends whom I confided in. Some were my colleagues and some were church friends.
To Caleb: thanks for being someone whom I could trust my secrets with. Thanks for not condemning me and being there for me. Love you.
To Siew Lian: thanks for being so considerate of my circumstances and changing me out of AMK clinic for a period of time. Thanks for praying for me to repent. Don't know if I have fully repented but I know God had been on my back because of your prayers and I know He doesn't relent......
3) I found a best friend in my sis. Someone who was willing to walk the journey with me through my pain and joy, all without judging me but loving me and accepting me throughout. Reading my blog regularly to make sure I am still okay. :) All the encouragements and affirmations I hold deep in my heart. To Sis: just because we are siblings does not give me a right to expect all that you've done for me. As much as my challenges have made us closer in our relationship, there's a part of me that really feels bad for causing you all the heartaches. You have your own burdens to bear as a wife cum mother yet you have to share my burdens as well. For that I am eternally grateful. I really am. I love you, my sis, my best friend......
4) I met a person who made me realise things about myself I never knew. J. Although things ended in a pretty sour note and the majority of my heartache stemmed from my relationship with J, there are still some things I treasure. To J: thanks for the moments we had together over the phone. Never realised I could ever have phone conversations that last for hours. Thanks for spending time with me over a swim and dinner. Never knew I could find someone so similar to me in practically every aspect and yet be unique as you are. Never realised I could love someone the way I do you in the span of just 2 weeks. Never could have imagined the pain I felt when you stepped out of my life in an instant. Unfortunately, even if you did not just disappear from my life, our fate would still be the same because it is just so wrong to begin with. I know that post will never be read by you but none the less I just wanted you to know..... I love and miss you still...... very much. My only hope is that when all is over I'll be able to see you on the other side. Hopefully then we can get to spend some time together, without the fear, the guilt, the shame......
5) I have worked with really good colleagues. My boast has always been that since the beginning of my career, I have always worked with really good colleagues. And I am proud to say TTSH has been no exception. Granted, there are times of frustrations with colleagues but it happens on such occasional basis that I don't believe it's worth comparing to the rest of the good times we enjoy as colleagues. To my colleagues: I really appreciate each and everyone of you. Having communicated with many others in the working world, I sometimes wish that my colleagues could be everybody's colleagues so that the world would be so much better a place. I always believe that since work constitutes about a third of an average person's life, it should be enjoyed as much as possible. You people have made it so easy to enjoy work. And for that I thank you all. And I have not even come to the personal friendships we hold with each other. Love you all......
Hmmm, have said a mouthful. Guess all these are enough to prove my point. Not that my emotions are fully recovered. But I really cannot deny God's goodness in my life just because I do not feel good in my emotions.
Thanks for everything Father......
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Christmas Party In Lifegroup 2009
Last night's party was pretty okay. Quite enjoyed it. The turnout was quite a big lot. Was quite glad I turned up for it. It was held at Derek's place and it was super big. My apologies for not taking photos of his place. Stupid me....... His backyard had a tentage built on it and it resembled a wedding of some sort. The food was so-so. We had caroling as well as worship. Then there was a sharing session. Then we had some more food! Yipee! Here are just some of the photos I took. The rest can be viewed on http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#/album.php?aid=131799&id=609568182&ref=nf ......
That's me and Caile
Sirong and you know who......
Too lazy to name all......
Announcing the arrival of the youths......
That's Caifen, pretty right?
That's Enqi and Macus
That's Keshin and Sirong
And finally, this is Nikki...... :)
Friday, December 25, 2009
Pre-Christmas Shopping
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Rare Sight
That's me, my sis (Joy) and my bro (JJ).
It's quite rare to have a photo of the three of us together so I thought I'd post this up.
Amazing
Another Party Today
Had another party today between the Optoms in the department. Enjoyed myself thoroughly man. The food was good. The company was simply great. Will post up the pics once I get my hands on them. Forgot to bring my own cam today so had to depend on my colleagues.
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Post Christmas Party
Was really glad I went for the department Christmas party last night. I was kind of regreting at first for promising I'd show up. Would have preferred to do something else instead. But I must say that the event was very very well organised. The team really really put in a lot of effort. I was supposed to be part of the team but due to my reservist commitments I missed most of the meetings. So yesterday I decided to go up early to the multi-purpose hall where the event was to be held to help out with the deco. Turned out to be pretty fun. Guess it gave me a fair bit of satisfaction to see the end result though I nearly hurt myself quite bad when I fell off the ledge while trying to paste some deco.
I guess it's really nice to end off the year on such a happy note. Hard feelings forgotten. Everyone laughing away. Time to let go of the bad that happened in the year and really move on with a clean slate. 2010! Here I come!!!! :) Ooops, I just tripped.
There's me risking my life to meet the fancies of the deco team.
Errr that's my H.O.D!
The event went really well and was super entertaining. A number of us dressed up for the theme which was supposed to be 'retro'. Some of the doctors were really sporting, dressing up to the occasion. It's nice to see their 'not-so-serious' side once in a while. It's been a long time since I laughed so hard. I was so glad I brought my camera along cos apparently there were many cam-whores like myself there. 
Me between 2 babes..... Lucky me......
Me and more babes. My goodness!
Me and one of the eye docs.
Me and another eye doc.
That's two of my colleagues and mua.
Monday, December 21, 2009
Frustrated...... again
It's my first day back to work from reservist. And by now I am feeling pooped. Would to God that my training was 3 weeks instead of 2. Thought I would come back fresh and I did. Sad to say the euphoria only lasted like a couple of hours. The welcome back was great. Did not expect my colleagues to be so elated to see me again. Other than work, I was trying to settle my leave in March 2009. Planning to go with my cousins to Taiwan.
In a sense I am quite excited cos I have never done such a thing with them before. But the process (esp the taking of leave) has been daunting. On one hand, one of my cousins can't quite confirm if she can go. On the other, I have colleagues who would like to take the same stretch of leave as me. Being the planner I am (or at least claim to be), I would like to make sure things are okay ahead of time. I HATE the feeling of hanging and being stranded not being able to confirm anything. Currently, we are having a shortage of staff and only one of us can apply for leave at any one time. The word 'miserable' is an understatement seriously.
Reminds me of my former workplace when I could only take leave when my boss is away. Dreaded that cos I did not feel its fair that people whom I travel with have to revolve around me. Seems like its happening again. God, we need staff! Actually, we need the HR to decide to pay people more so that people will wanna join.......
In a sense I am quite excited cos I have never done such a thing with them before. But the process (esp the taking of leave) has been daunting. On one hand, one of my cousins can't quite confirm if she can go. On the other, I have colleagues who would like to take the same stretch of leave as me. Being the planner I am (or at least claim to be), I would like to make sure things are okay ahead of time. I HATE the feeling of hanging and being stranded not being able to confirm anything. Currently, we are having a shortage of staff and only one of us can apply for leave at any one time. The word 'miserable' is an understatement seriously.
Reminds me of my former workplace when I could only take leave when my boss is away. Dreaded that cos I did not feel its fair that people whom I travel with have to revolve around me. Seems like its happening again. God, we need staff! Actually, we need the HR to decide to pay people more so that people will wanna join.......
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Jonah's Christmas Greeting To All
Sorry guys if the quality of the music ain't too good. Did not have much time to practice on my part. But anyway, blessed Christmas!!!!!!
Friday, December 18, 2009
Last Day Of Reservist
Sigh. It's the last day of reservist. Wish there was another week for me to go. Could use a little more time to read. Anyway, I managed to get quite a fair bit done today so I am quite proud of myself. I managed to go to the club for my gym session as well as a swim.
I also managed to bring my nephew for a movie. Went to watch 'Planet 51'. Not too bad. Quite enjoyed it except for the fact I went in slightly late. Not my fault though. I was there early to purchase the tickets but the queue was long and most of the people in the queue were stupid (of course that excludes me!). It really baffles me cos the queue was long and yet the people in the queue could not take the time to consider whatever they wanted to buy. Only when they were served then they started to pick and choose. MORONS! Erh Emm. I shall control myself. Actually this is the first time I have ever spent considerable time with my nephew. I have been toying with the idea of bringing him out for a movie for some time already but never quite got the chance. This morning I asked him if he had watched 'Planet 51' yet and he replied 'no'. His next line was somewhat compelling: "I wonder if I will get the chance to watch it." or something along that line. He then asked if I had watched it yet. Somehow I knew I had to make time to bring him today......
So this uncle of his, sacrificed his time at the club today, rushed to and fro by cab so that I could bring him out since he had a dinner appointment and I had my hair appointment. Okay, no regrets. The show was okay and I suppose the time spent was okay as well. Only thing was that I realised that I had difficulty relating to him. Kind of funny cos he was going on about everything from table tennis to taekwondo to running to his brother (you get the picture) while I hardly said much. Kind of reminds me of my relationship with dad. Seems like I am having a character trait that I so dread from my dad......
Next, I rushed off to have my hair cut and dyed (yippeee!) Figure the above pic will be what I look like a few decade later when I have a full head of white hair. Then again, that will never be cos I will always color it black. Yah, vain I know.
So, not too bad for a day. Managed to squeeze in quite a fair bit. Now need to go pray man. Been feeling weak emotionally again. God, I need HELP!
I also managed to bring my nephew for a movie. Went to watch 'Planet 51'. Not too bad. Quite enjoyed it except for the fact I went in slightly late. Not my fault though. I was there early to purchase the tickets but the queue was long and most of the people in the queue were stupid (of course that excludes me!). It really baffles me cos the queue was long and yet the people in the queue could not take the time to consider whatever they wanted to buy. Only when they were served then they started to pick and choose. MORONS! Erh Emm. I shall control myself. Actually this is the first time I have ever spent considerable time with my nephew. I have been toying with the idea of bringing him out for a movie for some time already but never quite got the chance. This morning I asked him if he had watched 'Planet 51' yet and he replied 'no'. His next line was somewhat compelling: "I wonder if I will get the chance to watch it." or something along that line. He then asked if I had watched it yet. Somehow I knew I had to make time to bring him today......
So this uncle of his, sacrificed his time at the club today, rushed to and fro by cab so that I could bring him out since he had a dinner appointment and I had my hair appointment. Okay, no regrets. The show was okay and I suppose the time spent was okay as well. Only thing was that I realised that I had difficulty relating to him. Kind of funny cos he was going on about everything from table tennis to taekwondo to running to his brother (you get the picture) while I hardly said much. Kind of reminds me of my relationship with dad. Seems like I am having a character trait that I so dread from my dad......
So, not too bad for a day. Managed to squeeze in quite a fair bit. Now need to go pray man. Been feeling weak emotionally again. God, I need HELP!
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
A Soft Tongue Breaks The Bones
Finally convinced my mum to buy the insurance. Sometimes, it really pays to talk to someone nicely and be ready to listen, something I think I lack in. But anyway, Praise God!
Melanie
This is a blog about a colleague of mine who's leaving us to get married. Yippeee! Errr not to the leaving part but to the marital part. Really happy for her. After having worked with her for close to 2 years (not to mention another year during our first job together), I find her to be a really nice gal to say the least. Her work attitude never ceases to impress me. Despite her already busy work schedule, she is still so helpful whenever other colleagues need help. She and I were supposed to set up a sub clinic together and frankly she did most of the hard work and I got most of the glory.
I enjoy working with her cos she has a very pleasant personality. I hardly notice her flare up and she always seem to keep her cool in the midst of dealing with really stupid and unreasonable patients.
I enjoy working with her cos she has a very pleasant personality. I hardly notice her flare up and she always seem to keep her cool in the midst of dealing with really stupid and unreasonable patients.
That's Mel and Me (Pun intended).
Also, I find her to be a very practical person. When it comes to relationships, I find her very real and down to earth. Maybe because we are the same age, I find it easy to relate to her and I suppose vice versa (I hope!). Errr, nuf said. Prepared a little song for her in a video below. Mel, you ought to be really honored. This is the first time I am singing in a video and I even got a professional pianist to do the accompaniment. Enjoy,......
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Bad Scare Last Night
It was really bad. I wanted to find a friend whom I had lost contact for a good number of years now on facebook. The problem was that I spelt his surname with an extra 'e'. It was supposed to be 'chong' but I spelt it as 'cheong'. So to my horror, the next page showed a pic which being blurred looked similar to him. And it was a 'R.I.P' profile. From the brief moment I read the profile, apparently the person was brutally murdered in Amsterdam. He was shot a number of times in the head in a robbery or something. For the amount of time I mistook that person for my friend, I was utterly shocked. How could such a thing have happened?
Thank God I had enough sense to look up the church website he was featured since he serves as a pastor there presently. Then I realised that I had spelt his surname wrongly. Then I started to recover, so to speak. The whole episode was just so traumatising. Though I may not know the person, my heart goes out to him. Thinking bout the episode still gives me the creeps since the blurred photo really does look like my friend......
Thank God I had enough sense to look up the church website he was featured since he serves as a pastor there presently. Then I realised that I had spelt his surname wrongly. Then I started to recover, so to speak. The whole episode was just so traumatising. Though I may not know the person, my heart goes out to him. Thinking bout the episode still gives me the creeps since the blurred photo really does look like my friend......
Project Completed!
Monday, December 14, 2009
Fed Up With Mum
Sometimes I wonder why I even bother to talk to her like an adult. Was trying to convince her that she needed to get some insurance since she was far from healthy and far from rich. Ended up totally frustrated. The problem with such issues is that if she one day does have a problem and not be able to settle it financially, my sis and I will definitely have to do it even though I may have warned her before. And her response will be:" It's just my life." Wow, so philosophical but DAMN STUPID! For a person who has had as much education as she had, she really ain't too smart. Forgive my 'not honoring my parents' but let's call a spade a spade. Hmmm, common sense does not seem too common nowadays.
Saturday, December 12, 2009
** Enjoying The Now
On the way to church from the market with my brother-in-law, he gave me some words of wisdom which I want to remember on my journey in life. He reminded me to enjoy the now, something which I have not done for a long time already. I used to believe and practice this principle a lot. But somehow along the way, I lost it. So this really serves to be a reminder and even a rebuke for me.
My challenge of late is that I am way too engrossed with where I want to be instead of the enjoying the journey there. With so many things going on presently, I lost the enjoyment of the now. Really need to bear this in mind. God help me......
My challenge of late is that I am way too engrossed with where I want to be instead of the enjoying the journey there. With so many things going on presently, I lost the enjoyment of the now. Really need to bear this in mind. God help me......
My Reservist So Far
Am halfway through my reservist. In a way I am grateful cos my emotions did not act up as bad as I thought they would considering the amount of free time I had. Ended up doing a lot more reading and resting as well. So that's good. Decided to go on a detox program for my body and am 1 week into it. 2 weeks left. Yipee. Would also attempt to detox my mind as well in the midst. Tough but I think I will make it. Glad that I managed to spend more time in the Word as well. Really need huge doses of it. A lot of detox to accomplish for my mind and emotions. God help me......
风云2
Finally caught the movie on Thursday with Ryan. I must admit it was a little disappointing to me. Maybe I expected too much out of it. Let's see. The graphics were superb. The plot was so-so. The acting was mediocre at best. I think the directors focussed too much on the fighting and the effects and the acting was somewhat neglected. What was amusing was that there were certain scenes in the movie which were supposed to be really grand which ended up tickling most of us. The audience ended up laughing at certain highlights during the show.
I guess that if someone were to go with only the graphics and effects in mind, it would turn out pretty okay. Just don't focus too much on the plot and the acting......
3 Worst Emotions To Have
No. 1 Loneliness
No. 2 Hopelessness and Helplessness
I ranked hopelessness and helplessness together cos to me they are on the same scale of lethality. To me, loneliness is the worst emotion to feel. For most, these emotions on their own are destructive enough. Should all three come at the same time, it is more than sufficient to drive a person to suicide.
Funny (or maybe not so funny) thing is, within these few months, I have had occasions where all three decided to visit me at the same time. Of course the potential destruction was synergistically exponentialized and I fell in pretty severe depression. Yet, I am still alive.
Nope, I am not trying to put a feather on my cap for being able to survive these combinations of emotions. Sometimes, death seems like a less painful way out compared to being tormented by these emotions. But somehow, in the midst of it all, I know Someone has been holding on to me. I can't quite fathom why since I really do not see much worth in myself anyway, but Jesus has been faithful to hold me through some pretty tough times.
Nope, I don't think I am out of these as yet. But I conclude that I have survived till now for a reason (which I have yet to realise) but Jesus will continue to hold on to me......
Jeremiah 29:11 (Amplified) For I know the thoughts and plans that I have for you, says the Lord, thoughts and plans for welfare and peace and not for evil, to give you hope in your final outcome.
Hebrews 13: 5 (Amplified)......for He [God] Himself has said, I will not in any way fail you nor give you up nor leave you without support. [I will] not, [I will] not, [I will] not in any degree leave you helpless nor forsake nor let [you] down (relax My hold on you)! [Assuredly not!]
Thank you Lord......
No. 2 Hopelessness and Helplessness
I ranked hopelessness and helplessness together cos to me they are on the same scale of lethality. To me, loneliness is the worst emotion to feel. For most, these emotions on their own are destructive enough. Should all three come at the same time, it is more than sufficient to drive a person to suicide.
Funny (or maybe not so funny) thing is, within these few months, I have had occasions where all three decided to visit me at the same time. Of course the potential destruction was synergistically exponentialized and I fell in pretty severe depression. Yet, I am still alive.
Nope, I am not trying to put a feather on my cap for being able to survive these combinations of emotions. Sometimes, death seems like a less painful way out compared to being tormented by these emotions. But somehow, in the midst of it all, I know Someone has been holding on to me. I can't quite fathom why since I really do not see much worth in myself anyway, but Jesus has been faithful to hold me through some pretty tough times.
Nope, I don't think I am out of these as yet. But I conclude that I have survived till now for a reason (which I have yet to realise) but Jesus will continue to hold on to me......
Jeremiah 29:11 (Amplified) For I know the thoughts and plans that I have for you, says the Lord, thoughts and plans for welfare and peace and not for evil, to give you hope in your final outcome.
Hebrews 13: 5 (Amplified)......for He [God] Himself has said, I will not in any way fail you nor give you up nor leave you without support. [I will] not, [I will] not, [I will] not in any degree leave you helpless nor forsake nor let [you] down (relax My hold on you)! [Assuredly not!]
Thank you Lord......
Friday, December 11, 2009
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Bleeding Profusely
I was bleeding profusely before I left to meet Ryan for dinner cum movie just now. It was a good thing cos this stupid pimple which was on my brow for about 3 weeks by now popped just now. Finally, I took the chance to squeeze (could not resist the temptation) out all the damned pus. Following that was major cleaning as well as dressing the wound with my essential oils. Hopefully it heals without much scarring......
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Had Fun
Had loads of fun trying to do videos for my colleague and for Christmas. Hope to be able to put them out soon. In the meanwhile, this was the mess I created just now......
That was me trying to position myself in front of the cam. Been a super long time since I last meddled with my sax......
Sympathise with my helper sometimes, but too bad.......
That was me trying to position myself in front of the cam. Been a super long time since I last meddled with my sax......
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Really Funny
It's Christmas season and I thought I would post this vid by Madtv. It's really old but really good. Enjoy......
My New Toy
Monday, December 7, 2009
Day 1 of Reservist
The day went pretty fine except for the ending of it. Had a good time catching up on reading and sleeping. It's been a long while since I last had the luxury of doing so much reading. Thought that the rest of the day would be fine too till about 3 plus when I was assigned to do some tasks. Doing the tasks were fine but the fact that it came near the end of the day was irritating to say the least. Thus I was delayed in my departure and I still had not completed my tasks. Had it come earlier in the day, it would have been completed and well. Anyway, after so many years of army, I am far from surprised that such a thing could happen. Maybe the technology has improved, but the way of doing things more efficiently has been improving at a snail's pace at all. Okay, better not complain anymore least I get into trouble for telling the truth.
The evening went fine. Caught 'New Moon' with my colleagues. Quite enjoyed it. Heard some bad reviews about it though. Anyway, to each his own. Felt for Bella when she lost Edward. Could relate to her feelings. Sympathize with Jake though. Despite his heart for Bella and good looks (after he had a hair cut, that is), he still lost out to a joker who could not think straight and does not have any figure to show (my apologies to the fans of Robert Pattinson, it's true none the less). Okie, gotta go now......
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Reservist
Tomorrow will be the start of a 2 week reservist service for me. In a sense I am looking forward. It's usually a time of the year to realign my priorities for the coming year (not that I always follow through though). Hope to get some reading as well as some thinking through as well. God I need wisdom......
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Friday, December 4, 2009
Nice Song: Thy Word
Came across a really nice song by Amy Grant and Michael W. Smith. This song really touches my heart and Amy's intro to the song is also something I can relate to. Enjoy,......
Thy word is a lamp unto my feet
And a light unto my path.
Thy word is a lamp unto my feet
And a light unto my path.
When I feel afraid,
And think I've lost my way.
Still, you're there right beside me.
Nothing will I fear
As long as you are near;
Please be near me to the end.
Thy word is a lamp unto my feet
And a light unto my path.
Thy word is a lamp unto my feet
And a light unto my path.
I will not forget
Your love for me and yet,
My heart forever is wandering.
Jesus by my guide,
And hold me to your side,
And I will love you to the end.
Nothing will I fear
As long as you are near;
Please be near me to the end.
Thy word is a lamp unto my feet
And a light unto my path.
Thy word is a lamp unto my feet
And a light unto my path.
And a light unto my path.
You're the light unto my path.
Thy word is a lamp unto my feet
And a light unto my path.
Thy word is a lamp unto my feet
And a light unto my path.
When I feel afraid,
And think I've lost my way.
Still, you're there right beside me.
Nothing will I fear
As long as you are near;
Please be near me to the end.
Thy word is a lamp unto my feet
And a light unto my path.
Thy word is a lamp unto my feet
And a light unto my path.
I will not forget
Your love for me and yet,
My heart forever is wandering.
Jesus by my guide,
And hold me to your side,
And I will love you to the end.
Nothing will I fear
As long as you are near;
Please be near me to the end.
Thy word is a lamp unto my feet
And a light unto my path.
Thy word is a lamp unto my feet
And a light unto my path.
And a light unto my path.
You're the light unto my path.
Mad Again
Seemed that 'Murphy's Law' was at work again this morning. Things started to happen so that I could slowly but surely build up on my anger. What I am thankful for though was that I was calm enough not to end up reprimanding one of my supervisors. Not so much being afraid of getting into trouble but more for the fact that I had not seen the full picture that there was a mistake but it was made by another supervisor instead. If I had been as hotheaded as I normally can be, I would have hurt someone's feelings very unnecessarily. It amazes me how 'hot' (errr in the anger sense) I was earlier in the morning and now how peaceful things are right now. I think my feelings are as fickle as the weather these days......
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Relationship
Bumped into a friend whom I used to like but was not successful in wooing a couple of days ago in the hospital. In the midst of the chat, I found out that she recently broke up with her boyfriend. Was a little shocked cos apparently they were already looking into getting married next year or something like that. Makes me think about the fragility of relationships nowadays. To be fair, I am sure there are good relationships that really last but of late breaking up seems to be the more common story I hear about. Maybe I am just more sensitive to the bad that's happening around me...... :(
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Human Jam
Had a traumatising trip to work today. The train was slightly late and thus more crowded than norm. Halfway through the trip I found myself in an awkward position straining my back and having someone's bag pressed against my butt. Then there was someone who obviously had no common sense or did not exercise it when she wanted to make her way through in a super crowded train to the exit even when the train had not fully stopped. I know these are not good enough reasons to own a car but they sure are contributing factors to it. Guess the smart aleck who thought that we could still make do with having more people in our country obviously had not sat or stood in the train for a long time......
** You Follow Me
John 21:18-22 (NCV)
18 I tell you the truth, when you were younger, you tied your own belt and went where you wanted. But when you are old, you will put out your hands and someone else will tie you and take you where you don't want to go." 19 (Jesus said this to show how Peter would die to give glory to God.) Then Jesus said to Peter, "Follow me!"
20 Peter turned and saw that the follower Jesus loved was walking behind them. (This was the follower who had leaned against Jesus at the supper and had said, "Lord, who will turn against you?")21 When Peter saw him behind them, he asked Jesus, "Lord, what about him?"
22 Jesus answered, "If I want him to live until I come back, that is not your business. You follow me."
I have come to realise after so long that my walk with Jesus is quite unique. My situation and set of challenges differ a fair bit from the typical Christian. I am not trying to make myself out to be special. In fact, given the choice I'll choose to be the typical Christian anytime. Fortunately or unfortunately, I do not have the choice and having been through all that I have been through has made me the person I am today. Coming to terms with myself and my walk can be and has been tough to say the least.
I find myself very often like Peter in the scriptures above. When Jesus gave specific instructions to follow Him, Peter was more concerned about someone else other than himself. I suppose I am similar to Peter in a slightly different way. I too tend to ask "What about so and so?" I also tend to question why I have to go through what I have gone through and am still going through. I sometimes envy others whom I know are not and will never go through my situations and circumstances in life.
"I wish I was better looking."
"I wish my parents are super rich and I do not have to work so I can pursue my dreams."
"I wish I was more charismatic."
"I wish I was taller."
"I wish my voice was deeper."
As I read through the scriptures above on my way to work yesterday, I felt that Jesus' answer to Peter was very apt for me and my attitude as well.
22 Jesus answered, "If I want him to live until I come back, that is not your business. You follow me."
Whatever I go through, it's my walk before Jesus. Everyone has their own walk with Jesus. It is not my business to find out how others walk. I am to follow Jesus and have my own walk before Him. Help me to remember that Lord......
18 I tell you the truth, when you were younger, you tied your own belt and went where you wanted. But when you are old, you will put out your hands and someone else will tie you and take you where you don't want to go." 19 (Jesus said this to show how Peter would die to give glory to God.) Then Jesus said to Peter, "Follow me!"
20 Peter turned and saw that the follower Jesus loved was walking behind them. (This was the follower who had leaned against Jesus at the supper and had said, "Lord, who will turn against you?")21 When Peter saw him behind them, he asked Jesus, "Lord, what about him?"
22 Jesus answered, "If I want him to live until I come back, that is not your business. You follow me."
I have come to realise after so long that my walk with Jesus is quite unique. My situation and set of challenges differ a fair bit from the typical Christian. I am not trying to make myself out to be special. In fact, given the choice I'll choose to be the typical Christian anytime. Fortunately or unfortunately, I do not have the choice and having been through all that I have been through has made me the person I am today. Coming to terms with myself and my walk can be and has been tough to say the least.
I find myself very often like Peter in the scriptures above. When Jesus gave specific instructions to follow Him, Peter was more concerned about someone else other than himself. I suppose I am similar to Peter in a slightly different way. I too tend to ask "What about so and so?" I also tend to question why I have to go through what I have gone through and am still going through. I sometimes envy others whom I know are not and will never go through my situations and circumstances in life.
"I wish I was better looking."
"I wish my parents are super rich and I do not have to work so I can pursue my dreams."
"I wish I was more charismatic."
"I wish I was taller."
"I wish my voice was deeper."
As I read through the scriptures above on my way to work yesterday, I felt that Jesus' answer to Peter was very apt for me and my attitude as well.
22 Jesus answered, "If I want him to live until I come back, that is not your business. You follow me."
Whatever I go through, it's my walk before Jesus. Everyone has their own walk with Jesus. It is not my business to find out how others walk. I am to follow Jesus and have my own walk before Him. Help me to remember that Lord......
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)