I Think I Like Someone

The only difference now is that I can arrest it straight from the beginning and not do anything foolish, knowing well decisions made during this kind of turmoil never end well. Can't afford to hurt anyone anymore.

My New Bestie

I think I have just conferred the position of "bestie" to something else. My new bestie is my blog! It is to my blog that I get to share most of my feelings to and I won't get judged for it. Hmmm, now I just need to get my blog to talk to me!

My Worship Coach

I think my music lessons are gonna come to a halt. My worship coach is focusing on something God's opened a door for and thus will have less time for us. Had I spent less time emoing last year, maybe I would have been able to learn more from him. But then again, since I might be heading for another season of emo, it might be just in time......

My Bestie

Not too sure if I like to use this word "bestie". Think I still prefer the traditional term "best friend". I think my world seems to be going through a major change, unfortunately seemingly for the worse. It seems like things have changed or evolved to something I am not too sure I am ready to embrace.

I was spending time with my best friend last night over dinner. I realised that there does not seem to be much to talk about anymore. I tried to comfort myself by reminding myself of my age old philosophy that the important thing is the company, not just the dialogue. But even that philosophy seems to be decaying right before my eyes. One of the reasons my ex did not want to continue the relationship was because we did not have much to talk about. At first, I thought she was just being superficial. Now I am understanding more and more her words of wisdom.

I don't know. It seems like my whole philosophy and my beliefs are going through a meltdown. Now, I am not even too sure what I believe in anymore. Everything seems to have become blurry to me and there is no definition to anything anymore. I think I am missing it somewhere but I can't point a finger to it. Is my life pretty much over? Is my existence on this Earth really just an existence? I don't know. As I was telling my best friend last night, I can't recall a moment in a long time I have been really happy.

Feel like I am coming to a point where all my clutches are breaking. Nothing seems to be working. Even my beliefs in God seem to be shaking. Seriously, what is truth? Is there any absolutes in life? Right now, I am just living according to my obligations. I ought to work, so I work. I ought to serve God, so I serve. I promised to lead worship tomorrow, so I lead. My best friend asked my last night what was the point of doing things since I do not even enjoy it? He asked if God meant it to be that way. For me, the answer's quite simple. If I am not happy whether I do right or wrong, I might as well be unhappy doing right. Yes, I may not enjoy serving God, but the alternatives not any better so I may as well serve God.

Hmmm, I guess I really have too much on my mind. I meant to talk about my bestie and I end up talking about other stuff. That's one reason I sometimes look forward to work. It serves as a form of distraction. I suspect I am not alone in this. Think this London trip will help somewhat. Then again, if the clutches are breaking, I am heading straight for another fall. Will I ever see light again?

Mesomorphs

Mesomorphs are like mutants. They make the rest of us (Endomorphs and Ectomorphs) look bad. They do not deserve to live. We should devise anti-virals to turn them into Endomorphs and Ectomorphs. Only then will there be equality.

Kill All Mesomorphs! Kill All Mesomorphs! Kill All Mesomorphs!

Life Ain't Fair

Don't mind me while I complain a little here. I weighed myself this morning and I was 53.5 kg. Frankly I was a little disappointed. I was hoping for the bare minimum of staying at 54. Would have been great if it was a 54.5 kg. Anyway, I found myself back at the gym after a 5 day break. I was really tired and I was far from my usual peak. I guess that has to do with my low emotional well-being I have had since I returned yesterday. Okay, so that's proven: Low spirits does affect my physical well-being.

I was chatting with the gym guy and we were talking bout how unfair life is. The fat ones have difficulty trying to slim down and the skinny ones (yours truly) try so hard only to put on meager (if any) gains. To be fair I have only started this BFL thingy for less than 3 weeks. So I guess I should at least give it a little more time before I complain. But during the workout today I was really questioning myself if all these is worth it. All the money, time and effort placed into this only to squeeze out that little bit of gain. Somehow I just don't seem to be getting it. Somehow, it's not only in the gym I am stalled in my progress. I feel the same way for my spiritual life as well. Really, life seems to be getting tougher and tougher and I can't seem to be able to hold out any longer. I desperately need help God. God. God! Hello! Anybody home?

Batam 2011 Part 1: The Sceneries

 That's the Kelong from the opposite side.

 Simplicity

** Week 6 Of Goals 2011

Did I mention time really flies by? Before I realise, another week is pretty much over.

One of the highlights of the week is the recent lifegroup on Friday. As usual, I led worship. This time it was pretty much a disaster. My songs did not flow. I lost my voice in the midst of worship. I tried a new song. The people sang wrongly. Ha! The recipe for disaster. The funny thing was that I was pretty cool about it. I still enjoyed it as best as I could so that's a biggie. And the verses I used for sharing was very in line with another friend's sharing so that was cool. The funny thing was today a well meaning friend who was in the session on Friday tried to help me evaluate the worship. I was pleasantly surprised I did not have to psych myself to listen to him cos I do not respect him very much in the area (in fact any other area), having seen him lead worship before. But, that's beside the point. No matter what, I think it's harmless to hear his ideas. But before he could elaborate much he had to attend to some stuff so that's cool. I am supposed to remind him about it the next time we meet. We'll see. ;)

So back to the real stuff. Think I should evaluate my goals 2 weekly instead of 1. Think I will feel better. Let's see......

1) As usual, work has been pretty packed. I have little time to read up on what I want to or force myself to.

2) Physical. A little disappointed when I weighed myself this morning. Was hoping to shoot past the 54 mark but I fell a little short.

3) The men's meeting I attended mid week was a good start I think. Managed to get myself more into the lifegroup. Hopefully I'll be able to deepen relationships in the group.

4) Today's message was about the end times and how much closer we are to the end of the ages. The only good news to me is that the world will not end in 2012. Wait a minute, I thought that was bad news? But I can't seem to be able to grasp the urgency my pastor was trying to convey to us. Hmmm, I wonder why.

5) Music. Pretty much the same as the previous week.

I am starting to get myself set for the London trip. Got stuff I need to get. Oh, I just spent 900 bucks on  some new work pants. I finally got myself to do it since my present ones are too tight for comfort. And at the tailor I found out most of my parameters have grown at least an inch since the last measurement 2 years ago. The only disappointing one is the shoulders which have only broaden 3/4 inch since the last measurement in 2006! Darn!

Weird Facts About Me: Fact #2

I am still unsure of which dialect group I belong to. The only certainty is that I am either a Teochew or Hokkien. I used to call my sis to confirm it whenever people ask me about it. But recently I thought I was pretty certain about it till I was corrected by my cousin during one of our meetings. Oooops. Well, at least I am aware I am a Chinese, or am I?   ;)

A Cup Of Love

 

I was really touched last evening as I was getting ready to leave work. I had a really hectic day and my mood was far from desirable as the day passed. So much work to do. So little time. All these added to the frustration I felt. As I packed to leave, a colleague whom I thought had left already called me and said she needed to hand me something urgently. So I waited for her together with another colleague who also stayed late due to some other reason. She turned up with my other 2 colleagues with coffee from Tully's! 

Apparently, they walked past Tully's (which was quite a distance from office) and saw a promotion for the coffee. Having seen how worked up I had been through the day, they decided to get the coffee and walk all the way back to the office to pass them to me and my colleague. You can imagine how fast the frustration and anger dissipated when they presented the coffee to me. It's not so much the drink but really the inconvenience they went through to cheer me up. OMG. Such colleagues are really priceless. Thanks JC, SY and CL. You people are the best! ;)

Weird Facts About Me: Fact #1

From time to time I would race with my supervisor to the toilet and see who finishes his/her business and washes up first. The first one at the entrance to the toilet wins. To start with, it should be apparent who would win considering the fact my supervisor is a lady. But for some reason, she enjoys the attempt at beating me and I enjoy the victory hands down.

So if you happen to be at TTSH level 1 and you see a couple in their thirties brisk walking to the toilet from the eye clinic, it's most probably my supervisor and me. ;)

D I S C

My brother-in-law was talking about high 'I' people a couple of days ago and he was saying that having a high 'I' personality he finds that he has to meditate on the bible more compared to me (a high 'C') since I would take it more literal. I was thinking about it and I realised one thing. He's right about it but from my perspective I find that I am under much more guilt and condemnation (from myself) since I am not able to live up fully to everything I believe to be true about the bible.

It seems to me that there's always a flipside to eveything. Having felt guiltly and condemned for many things I see others seem to get away with no qualms whatsoever, I sometimes wonder to myself why do I have such a personality. I have come to the conclusion that in every situation, there'll be those who are advantaged and those who are disadvantaged. So, if I am in the advantage, I will use it to the full and enjoy it. If I am on the opposite side, I will use it to the best that I can. Am I making sense? Not too sure if I am but I guess it does not really matter......

So what relevance does the song below have to my post for today? After contemplating for a while, I realised there is none. But that will not stop me from sharing it with everyone, or at least with those who are Britney fans. Enjoy...... 

Who In The World?

Was just looking at the stats of my blog's readership and to my amazement there were people in the Netherlands reading my blog. Interesting!

United States 47

Singapore 29

Netherlands 22

Latvia 11

France 1

** Week 5 Of Goals 2011

Arrrgh! I seem to be getting more and more slack the past week. I thought the CNY period would be a great time to get more done. Think it worked the opposite way. Anyways......

1) Work. Did not get much done the past week man. Though the clinic was quite busy I definitely could have squeezed out time for other stuff to be done. WORK HARDER!

2) Physical. Definitely something to rejoice about. I weighed myself this morning and I was almost touching 54kg. That's a first, possibly in my life! Way to go Jonah! Gonna push on with the BFL weight lifting regime and see how far more I can go. 60 is the miracle number to go!

3) Relational. Again nothing very much transpired this week. Gonna go to the men's meeting coming wed. Let's see what happens.

4) Spiritual. Been really compromising in my thought life this week. God I need help man. Don't wanna slip back to the past again. Need to spend more time in God's presence......

5) Music. Still with the usual. Sight reading and rhythm. But been slacking as well. My worship coach is starting to send me videos of him demonstrating worship songs on the keyboard. Gonna start on those videos as well. Started with lesson 4 of SS. Really tough one. Kind of lacking the motivation to continue with the program. God I need strength and discipline!

Wow, it's been a slacking week man. I realised I need to cramp in more of everything since I'll be going to London for 2 weeks in late feb. Hmmm, do I ever have a break?

All The Js In My Life

It's funny how the people who's names start with J seem to have a profound influence in my life. I was thinking about someone I do not like in church today and I realised there were 3 of them and all 3 have names which start with J.

Then on the other side of the coin, my sis' name is Joy. My brother's known as JJ. My idol is Jay Chou. I worship Jesus. I wanted to get involved with a person who's name also starts with J some time back. Hmmm maybe, just maybe I might get hooked up with a girl who's name starts with J as well.......

1st Day Of CNY

As with any CNY 1st days, I always make a trip to my cousin's place to say hi and of course collect red packets. What's unusual this year is that my cousin Joel and his gal joined us for our movie event as well as hung out with us after that. The above pics were taken at the Liquid Kitchen at Serangoon. The ambience was great. We were the only ones there initially. The songs were the emo kind, thus my favorites. Only thing was that the food and drinks were quite pricey.

We hung out till bout 1 plus in the morning! It's a first for me in the longest while. I must say I really enjoyed myself a lot. The company was fantastic. Only thing is that I really can't do this too often. It messes with my whole cycle and pretty much ruins my day after that.......

Ancient Handphone

My uncle's still using one of these. Cool right?

Reunion Dinner With Mum

The main difference between reunion dinners with dad and mum: One reads 'The Edge' and the other watches TV. The main similarity is that it is hard to totally enjoy the dinner because of the parent. One other common denominator is that I am glad it is over. The above pic's my youngest nephew Daniel. Ain't he just adorable?

Reunion Dinner With Dad

It's a rare occasion this year considering the fact that it's been many years since dad has been back for reunion dinner. The summary of it all is this: I am glad it's over. ;)