Clash Of The Titans

After hearing much about the movie (mostly bad reviews), I have finally seen the show for myself. Mixed feelings about the show. In a sense I really enjoyed the special effects and the fighting. Yet somehow the movie did not give me the 'shiok' feeling that really good movies do. I watched it in the 2D version. My friend commented that the show was too fast paced which I agree with. Then again aren't we hard to please? Too slow, we get bored. Too fast we also have something to say. :)

But overall, considering the fact that it was only $7.50, I guess I can't complain much. But I need to emphasize again that the special effects were really good. Somehow, the movie reminds me a lot about the gospel. Zeus (God) made man. Man rebelled. Zeus' son came. Saved the world so to speak. Anyway, I think the show's worth a watch but I did hear a fair bit of complaints from the ones who watched it in 3D though. So maybe the 2D version might be better in this one, not to mention saving some $$$$$.

 

For That Hand To Hold

Guess I am in my emo mood again. So many thoughts on my mind, no answers. Then again, the answers have been the same all along. Just not willing to accept them for what they are. I think the hardest thing in life is to be stuck in a situation I have absolutely no control over. I miss J again. As the little conversations float through my mind, I am reminded again of my loss in life. A hand I so want to hold right now but nothing short of a miracle can even cause us to be even friends. At this point, who's at fault pales in comparison to the fact I need you J. Even if you are the most unreasonable person in the world, I will relent. I really will. How can I prove to you that I really like you?

Nope, I do not understand jap. Would have started to learn it if  J and I were together. But I suppose the English parts of this song pretty much sums up my feelings for now......

Monga

Caught this movie with Peiyuan last night. I was a little concerned cos the movie was gonna be close to two and a half hours long. If it was a boring show, that would have been the pits.

But the movie turned out to be decently good and watching it on a Monday evening certainly made it more worth it. I liked the way certain parts of the movie carried a fair bit of humour. That made it more light and entertaining.

I suppose from the pic above you sort of know what the show is pretty much about. For those of you who still don't get it, it's about gangsterism in a place in Taiwan called 'Monga'.

Guess the director of the movie was trying to convey the message that gangsterism is bad. But as my subconscious habit of deriving life lessons from what I watch kicked in, I realised a number of things......

1) As one of the lead actors in the show concluded as he was dying, he never quite understood what the fighting (which they, as gangsters did a lot of) was all about. I think I am like that as well. Many things I do in life, I never quite understood why I did them. Peer pressure, trying to look impressive, etc...... Whatever the reason, I never really sat down to consider my intentions of doing certain things. I suppose there are things we just need to do for practical reasons, but I believe that if I spent a little more time on why I do what I do, I would not have wasted so much time and money on things which don't really matter at all. Food for thought.

2) The same actor also gave the reason of being treated and taken care of like a brother (which the gangsters then were known for) that he joined the group. I guess we all want to belong and be loved. And that craving can lead us to do things we know ain't right. I can well relate to that. Guess we need to search for love in the right places.

Okie. These are my thoughts so far for this movie. Think it's definitely worth a watch if you do not mind the vulgarities and occasional 'bloody' scenes. Would give it a 4 star rating out of five.

How Worship Went Today

What to say? Wish I could say it went perfectly well. But no, it really did not. The Mandarin one went okay but the English sucked. It started okay but I could not tell you when it started going south. The fast songs went great. The energy was good and the congregation was latching on very well. But after that, it just did not flow. In fact, I was so busy concentrating on not making mistakes I did not notice initially that the flow was not there. I noticed Caile, the electric guitarist getting restless. In fact, I only found out later for a period of time he even walked off. Then for one of the ending songs I seemed to be straight on clashing with the guitarist who was the worship leader. So for a period I just stopped playing altogether.

Anyway, enough of that. Just glad that it's over. The rest of the day went fine though. Was tired but I managed to go for my vocal lesson, which went great. It's surprising that after a number of lessons, I am still discovering new things about my voice. Had a great time there. Looking forward to the next one.....

Also, I managed to hit the gym as well. Wow, did great today. Now, I am just chilling out and blogging away. Tomorrow, I will be going for a movie with Peiyuan after my work. YIPEE! Gonna sleep early tonight. Really need the rest. Till next time......

Inspirational

Found this video in my sis' blog. Very inspirational. Do take time to enjoy......

My Family Part 2

What's a family? It is a group of people whom you can laugh with, cry with and simply be yourself......

In a family, there's......

Laughter and smiles.....

Tears......

Funny faces and moments......

What's important is that through the good times and the bad, we stay together......

Love You All......

Nice Song

As usual, the emo side of me can't help but relate to parts of this song, especially the chorus. Also, the singer has a very high range, almost comparable to a female. If I can ever reach this range with ease, I'll be invincible! Ha ha ha ha ha! Enjoy,......

I Discovered A New Pet Today

As I laid in bed at 3 a.m. this morning, I felt the need to go start my dad's car to let it run a couple of minutes to make sure the car bat's decently charged for me to use tomorrow. Glad I did so. I started the car and it almost went dead. Whew! The new car bat really sucks. So I squeezed out a good ten minutes to drive it around my estate prior to leaving for work. Guess I have a new pet that I need to 'walk' every now and then. Sigh...... :(

Another Torturous Wed

I must admit things spilled over from work today. Now I can't even pinpoint what from work caused me to behave the way I did during worship prac this evening. The Mandarin worship prac went fine. It was the English one that was the final straw. I really could not gel with the team in terms of playing. I was so looking forward cos Caile would be playing as well. Had not spent time with him for quite a long while.

In the midst I really found it hard to play. It was difficult to blend in or complement with the worship leader. Coupled with that I had to juggle with making sure I lifted the fucking pedal enough so as not to affect the sound. So from time to time I get reminders from my bro to lift my feet high enough. Seriously, is it that expensive to buy a fucking pedal? Why hasn't the worship coach replaced it since it ain't functioning well? Do I give pennies for tithes or what? :( I don't blame my bro. Being the 'nirvana' state musician I am sure all the little things bother him. I was surprised that he was really patient with me. In fact, it came to a point I was just so frustrated that I just sat there and refused to play at all. I know, I really acted like some spoilt brat. Trust me, I surprised myself when I managed to compose myself and continued the practice without leaving half way, which was a strong temptation. My bro was there almost like trying to pacify me. In fact, after a while he even went to pour me a cup of water to cool me down, which I rudely rejected. Sorry bro. :( Okay, I am a spoilt brat after all.

When my brother took over for a while to show me how to play, I came to realise how inadequate I really am. That was when I just wanted to step out. And I came so so close. Looking back I wonder what made me stay. Wanting to keep my face? Trying not to look spoilt? But to my credit I stayed and practiced till the end. After that, my bro so nicely came up and offered to play from where I did not feel confident to play from. But I turned it all over to him, giving the excuse I did not have much time to practice for Sunday, which is partially true. So, like all good brothers he agreed to take over.

As usual I was the first one to leave the place. Upset as well. My bro then smsed me and reminded me not to let the keyboard playing affect my self-worth. He hit it spot on cos it definitely smashed my already diminished self-worth. I really felt like a failure. Work's been an issue, my personal life's warped and now I can't even serve God properly. WTF! Seriously, I should go bash up my worship coach for putting me in a spot I could not say no to starting keyboard again. Anyway, bro smsed me again to remind me that if it was that easy, the team would not have been facing a shortage of musicians and again reminded me to take it easy on myself whatever my decision may be. Thanks bro. :)

So here I am siting in front of my com, typing away though I should be sleeping away because of this incident. Frankly, I know all these are just angry words but I really do not know if I wanna go on like that. Maybe I should just concentrate on my singing. Whatever! Need to rest. It's another workday tomorrow. OMG! Woe unto me......

Oh, I am glad though cos Caile commented that my playing improved and my brother has really been very encouraging towards me despite all my nonsense........

BGRs

Was reading my idol's blog not too long ago. He was talking about a wedding he attended and throughout the blog post his cynicism about marriage was pretty obvious. I think I can relate to that. After being around for a while, I find myself getting more and more cynical about relationships as well. To be fair, I have only been through one relationship, two if I consider J.

I used to think that a relationship starts because the two of us enjoy spending time with each other and like each other. Guess most can agree with that. But somehow when we formally get into a relationship, things seem to change. Things start to set in like 'you must send me home', 'we must talk on the phone', 'you should have done this', 'you should have done that',...... 'I expect you to' has been subtly changed to 'You should' so that we would not be seen as demanding. Whatever happened to just enjoying each other which was the spark of the relationship anyway. Whoever set the standards of BGRs in the first place?

Nope, it's not a sour grape rant on my part. For now, I am pretty okay as I am (at least I am not on the verge of suicide anytime soon). Guess I just wanted to vent my frustrations somewhere. Okay, if it was really ME and all my views that are outdated or not practical, why is my ex still single right now? Okay, to be really fair, so am I. ;) For me, I guess the only advantage of being a guy is that I am still considered my prime for my age. Whereas for her,...... 

And nope, I am not against anyone for that matter. It was a good thing we did not continue our relationship cos she would have been much further hurt and that would hurt me as well. Think I am more against a certain kind of paradigm some have in regards to relationships. It's kind of ironic cos we don't hear of much problems when marriages were pre-arranged. Yes, really conservative and traditional but do you realise that there were not as much marital problems during our grandparents' time compared to our parents and now compared to us. Seems like the more affluent we are and more "forward" in our thinking, the more screwed up we become. Now, it seems unimaginable to have marriages pre-arranged. After all, we wanna have our say in who we marry right?

But really, it seems like the divorce rates during our grandparents' era seem to pale compared to ours now. And people back then were not as ready to use the word 'divorce' as we so easily do now. Oh, just a sideline for you girls who have been patient enough to read till this far. If a man whom you "love" very much and who "loves" you very much has been divorced twice before, what makes you think you'll not be the third? Sorry, I digressed......

So what am I trying to say? No idea. Guess I just wanted to pen my thoughts down. Okie, time to go for meeting......

Work WOrk WORk WORK

Am on mc again today. Hmmm, seems vaguely familiar. But this time it's sort of an overkill. Was having a fair bit of phlegm for the past couple of days and sneezing from time to time so I got really concerned. Whenever I got to see my GP, it has usually become quite serious. One time it even developed to bronchitis despite me having seen other doctors. But thank God this time round it was just a mild viral flu. So hopefully this time round with some med and rest I'll be up and running again tomorrow. Think I need to build up my immunity system though. Been falling ill too frequently......

Okay, gonna blog a little about my thoughts about work before the drowsy med kicks in. Yesterday, I was in the room with 2 of my supervisors as well as another colleague. I was kind of disturbed when my supervisors were telling me about my work. Basically the way I interpreted their words was something like telling me that I gotta be more initiative and that I do not have to always do things a set way. I can go beyond that. Hmmm, fancy telling that to a 'C' personality......

In any case, I felt threatened somewhat. I can't say that I have been very initiative but do we have to openly declare every single thing done beyond our scope of work? As for doing things the set way, I am not too sure if I can do anything about it though. Hmmm, seems like I am being squeezed out of my comfort zone slowly but surely. Frankly I do not know where to go on from here and whether what I am doing is in line with what is expected out of me. Was actually thinking about my studies next year. I felt at first maybe it might be better to delay another year so that I can help out with my colleagues with all the changes in the clinic now and upcoming. Then again, it might not be a bad idea to disappear for 2 years. At least,  there ain't much expectations to meet up to then. Sigh. I hope this will not be a crack in my career and my relationships with mu colleagues. God I need wisdom......


Kay, gonna go sleep soon, getting drowsyyyyyyyy......

My Idol...... Gym......

I question my sanity sometimes. After today's service and playing for 2 sessions, I was really drained. Also, I was having a headache and remnants of sniffing from last night but I still made my way to the gym. Figured that unless I am totally sick I should still go to the gym since I usually stop a couple of days whenever I fall sick. Make sense? No? Never mind. I still braved the blazingly hot sun and the arduous journey to the Singapore Swimming Club to do my workout.

Not too sure if it did me any good cos I did not do the full works cos I was just too tired or lazy or both. BUT I must say that I gained something else. I wanna go do another tattoo! Saw a guy with almost the exact tattoo I liked at the exact spot I wanted. It looked quite good. Yipeee, I should follow suit soon...... ;)

What A Day

Not too sure how I would rate today. Started off with me rushing to make it for the Mandarin worship prac. Managed to reach at 8 sharp and was really proud of myself. Only problem was that I took a cab and the prac time has been shifted to 745. Which means that whenever I am playing for worship I need to wake up at 615 if I do not want to take a cab. WHAT! Somehow I feel that I have been conned into this.

But I must say that it went okay despite my lack of skills. And my vocal coach did not say much about my playing today. I guess he better not say too much cos I might be really necessary should my brother leave the worship team. ;) Then again I feel that I am totally dispensable. :0

Been quite slack today. After the English worship, I ran off to get food rather than sit down and listen to the sermon. Think I need to start being serious again. Actually, I feel kind of caught in between. On one hand I am glad I am serving again and on the other I feel far from being able to play. Thank God my brother was quite encouraging when I asked him about my playing today. In any case I have been 'volunteered' for this week's worship again.

Concerned about my motives from serving in worship. I realised today that I was friendlier with people compared to other times when I am not serving. Seems like my self-esteem is better now that I am serving again, which should not be the case. I don't think my outlook of myself should differ whether I do or do not serve God. It's really strange but I think I discovered something about myself today. When we were praying prior to the worship, someone prayed for the playing to be for God's glory. I realised that for me, it's cliche and my actual feeling reflected something like 'for Your glory and for saving my face.' That's one of the reasons I do not feel that I should be serving in the worship. I seem to be over myself more than God. As usual, God I need help, lots of it...... and soon for that matter...... And while You are at it, please increase my pay as well. Think I will be taking cabs more often now. Then again a car (psss Mazda 2) would be great...... 

My Today

Think I am not too up today. Started the day at my vocal coach Alice's place. I was scheduled to be trained by one of the gurus of speech level singing Dave, the ceo himself as part of Alice's assessment. Apparently this guy trains singers like Adam Lambert and Jordin Sparks. Should have asked him to help me obtain an autograph. :(

Anyway, the training did not go too well. We trained over skype and it was quite difficult to pitch myself. Ended up having pitch problems. Was also stressed though he was pretty friendly. So glad I have Alice as my coach. Less threatening. :)

Have been feeling pretty tired and weak today. So I decided to give my gym session a miss and head back home after a conference. Slept away 3 hours and spent most of my time practicing for the worship tomorrow. To be frank I really do not feel up to it. But when will I ever be? There seems to be such a discrepancy between the rest of the band members and me. They are like so way up there and I am way below. Every worship session's a stressful one for me, to the extent I wonder if I should be in the team anyway.

Another concern on my mind. Seems like I might be coming down with another flu, which is scary cos I just had a bout less than 2 weeks ago. That means my immunity is really down. Either that or I am under attack. No time to think about that now. Gonna go for my last round of practice before heading to bed. So NOT looking forward to tomorrow. :(

The Lure Of Asthetics

I have a confession to make. In my attempt to doll myself up of late, other than chalking up my credit card bills for new clothes, I did something I should not have done yesterday. I bought 5 pairs of glasses. Yes 5 pairs. I know, I know...... Yap, I am feeling a little pricked in my conscience already. So, what I'll do is give away as much of my present collection as I can. There, I feel better already...... ;)

I Am Pissed!

It was supposed to be a normal evening. I was supposed to go for my mandarin worship practice and finish by 8 plus. Then I would go buy my favorite wanton mee then go home to chill and rejoice over the fact that I am finally starting to serve God again. But nooooooooo, things just would not happen that way.

It started well. I managed to run faster longer today. Then I headed for the prac after my protein. Was intending to have dinner after. On my way there, I responded to a sms I received earlier from my worship coach who was asking if I could start playing keyboard next week. I replied that I needed more time since I did not feel up to it. He was kind enough to agree to my request, for a while that is.

When I reached, my coach almost immediately asked me to play for this Sunday. THIS SUNDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I reluctantly agreed to it. Big Mistake! And there I was siting at the keyboard and struggling to play all the songs. The rest is not worth mentioning. On my way back (btw, I left at 1020 p.m.) I recalled the time when my sis and I were taken off the team in a split second and how in a split second I am back again. Yes, very petty I know. In any case, my next few days will be filled with grueling practice of my keyboard. I am trying hard to see good out of all these.

Frankly, my attitude has been pretty bad tonight. When the practice was unofficially over, I just took my stuff and disappeared. Hmmmm, seems like I need to deal with more than just practicing for my keyboard. God, I need patience, wisdom, strength and for now, sleep......

Worship Prac

Today will be the first in a long time. Mixed feelings as usual. But overall I suppose I need to kick back into gear of serving God. Despite how I feel. Despite what I am going through. God you know my heart......

Reminder

I found myself going back to what I wrote about self-esteem some time back. As it is, I am feeling emotionally drained. As I watched a violinist's youtube video a while back, I had to remind myself that a poor self-esteem stems from comparing oneself with others. And I had to pull myself back from going lower before I slipped again into depression. Think I will just pray and go straight into bed before I start doing silly stuff. God, I need help......

Work Work Work

It's been a trying first day at work coming back from a 5 day break (2 days mc, 3 days kl). Actually, nothing very much happened but for some reason, I was quite stressed out most of the morning. Now, I am siting by my com drained out and sleepy. Frankly, I do not feel up to it but I know I need to hit the gym to get back into gear. I feel like there's a lot of stuff I am lagging behind but on my mind I can't seem to be able to think of any, other than some catching up with friends which is quite overdue.

My skin's been pretty inflamed today as well. Wonder what's going on. Okay, time to go. Let's see if I can successfully get my workout done later......

KL KL KL KL KL KL KL KL KL KL KL KL KL

If you want the summary of the whole trip I guess it can be summed up in the photo above.

 That's mama and sis.

 That's mama and her favorite activity......

 Seriously I do not know what came over me but I think I have just developed a new fetish......

 Cool right? Underwear with the word '虎 ' on it.

Okay, I admit this is going overboard. Or is it? :)

 Of course, what is shopping without food right?

Guess I have mixed feelings over this trip. In a sense it was a little tiring and I did have my upheavals emotionally thinking of someone. But I guess on the other sense it was good cos I spent a fair bit of time with mama and sis. Of course the highlight was the drinking session with sis. ;) Appreciate the time spent with her. 

For some reason I think I am enjoying less and less travelling, especially the flying part. Hope this is just a passing phase considering the fact that I will be flying at least once a month for the next couple of months. We'll see. Okay, hope this will be a good start to a better relationship with mama......

Off I Go

I'll be heading to KL early tomorrow. Gonna go for a shopping spree with my sis and mum. In a sense I am looking forward to it. In a sense I am not. Maybe I still do not feel fully recovered from my bout of sore throat and the effects of my medication.
I guess it's a good time to bond with my mum since we have not done that for ages. Just pray that I'll be patient with my mum. God, help me to see the good side of her and enjoy her company as much as I can and vice versa. In Jesus' name, Amen!

Taiwan Part 3

Dinner at Xi Men Ding

 One human and two ghosts...... :)

 Damage done during the day......

Us queuing up for the Mrt. This is what I call cultured people. Shame on you Singaporeans!

The next day. Making our way up to 'Yang Ming Shan'.

Guess who's sleeping again?