What A Day

Not too sure how I would rate today. Started off with me rushing to make it for the Mandarin worship prac. Managed to reach at 8 sharp and was really proud of myself. Only problem was that I took a cab and the prac time has been shifted to 745. Which means that whenever I am playing for worship I need to wake up at 615 if I do not want to take a cab. WHAT! Somehow I feel that I have been conned into this.

But I must say that it went okay despite my lack of skills. And my vocal coach did not say much about my playing today. I guess he better not say too much cos I might be really necessary should my brother leave the worship team. ;) Then again I feel that I am totally dispensable. :0

Been quite slack today. After the English worship, I ran off to get food rather than sit down and listen to the sermon. Think I need to start being serious again. Actually, I feel kind of caught in between. On one hand I am glad I am serving again and on the other I feel far from being able to play. Thank God my brother was quite encouraging when I asked him about my playing today. In any case I have been 'volunteered' for this week's worship again.

Concerned about my motives from serving in worship. I realised today that I was friendlier with people compared to other times when I am not serving. Seems like my self-esteem is better now that I am serving again, which should not be the case. I don't think my outlook of myself should differ whether I do or do not serve God. It's really strange but I think I discovered something about myself today. When we were praying prior to the worship, someone prayed for the playing to be for God's glory. I realised that for me, it's cliche and my actual feeling reflected something like 'for Your glory and for saving my face.' That's one of the reasons I do not feel that I should be serving in the worship. I seem to be over myself more than God. As usual, God I need help, lots of it...... and soon for that matter...... And while You are at it, please increase my pay as well. Think I will be taking cabs more often now. Then again a car (psss Mazda 2) would be great......