End of September

Not too sure if I am supposed to be glad or not. Well, I guess in a way I am since the end of this month marks the drawing nigh of December, which is...... BONUS MONTH! Yipee. Also, that means my birthday is in the pipeline as well. It's really a double edged sword. On one hand, its nice to get some attention and have people fuse over you once in a while. On the other, it also means I am a year older. Hmmmm, I will be 31 this nov. I certainly do not feel like it and I most certainly do not look like it. So these two facts are my consolation. :) Been pondering if I should start on my anti-aging regime already. I can imagine what my sis would say. "You have too much money." And "you should give your money to the poor."

Hmmm, as I have mentioned before, October is also the month that J and I are supposed to go Taiwan together in. Think I really am a sucker but I think I am still hoping we could somehow still end up going. Anyway, I think I might have more 'luck' striking lottery than having that happen so I will try to 脚踏实地 as they would say. Good thing there's the KL trip.

For those of you who have been praying for me, do continue to keep me in prayer. I need strength to go through this month. I also need supernatural amnesia to forget J and all the associations with J. I really do not want to waste any more emotions nor time on J any further. It is really time to move on in every aspect of my life.

Psalm 121:7 (NASB) says: "The LORD will protect you from all evil; He will keep your soul."

Yes Jesus will keep my soul. He has promised to. He is faithful. He LOVES me. Even me.....

Proverbs 30:5

Proverbs 30:5 (Amplified) Every word of God is tried and purified; He is a shield to those who trust and take refuge in Him.

God Himself is my shield......

Lazy Day

Been really lazy today. Had ample oppurtunities to get my work done but I slacked them all away. Tomorrow, when I return to office I will have quite a fair bit of stuff stacked up for me. Think I was too tired today. Probably because of the drinking last night but, no regrets. One good thing that happened was that we finalised which hotel to stay in KL and how to get there. Thank God. Think I will try to chill out more when I am there. Really want to start enjoying life again as it is without being so engrossed with what I do not have or cannot do. God, I need help.......

John 10:10 (NLT) says: "The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life."

The NCV says: "A thief comes to steal and kill and destroy, but I came to give life—life in all its fullness."

The Message says: "A thief is only there to steal and kill and destroy. I came so they can have real and eternal life, more and better life than they ever dreamed of."

The Amplified says: "The thief comes only in order to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance (to the full, till it overflows)."

Hmmm, think I need help in this......

Mixed Day

Had a mixed day today. At work, I was pretty much irritable and the day was quite rough for me. I think the depression from yesterday spilled over to today. So every minute thing added to the frustration I was already feeling inside. As I told a friend over msn today, I was suffering from ILS which stands for 'Intense Loneliness Syndrome'. The symptoms are marked by feelings of loneliness, helplessness, depression, irritability and frustration. So glad that everything changed for the better after I left work.

In fact, I went for my gym session prior to meeting Ryan and Marcus to celebrate Ryan's birthday. Although I was really exhausted from all the frustration I felt during the day, I managed to push myself a little more today for my workout. So I expect to ache a little tomorrow. It's amazing how aches and pain become your best friends when you are a seasoned gymer. :)

After the workout I went to lido to do a little window shopping. Saw a lot of stuff that I wanted to buy. Think this year's bonus is as good as gone man. :) The dinner went great. I was a little concerned that I might be quite moody during the dinner but I was wrong. Spent a little time chatting with Ryan while waiting for Marcus to arrive. Enjoyed every moment of it. When Marcus arrived, the conversations got funnier and funnnier. So glad that I was all or mostly smiles as opposed to being glum for a friend's birthday dinner. The dinner was done and we proceed to have a drink, much to my delight. What better way to continue a great conversation than to do it over alcohol! We had a great time. I really am glad that we could do this like old times. The last time we drank together was like easily six years ago (or longer). I really miss those days. Carefree living. We had nothing much then. We also had nothing much to worry about. Also, we might be going on a trip together next year. YIPEEEEE!!!!!! That was the best news yet. If not for the fact that we all have to work tomorrow, I don't think we would have left just yet. So thankful for tonight. So glad for friends who remain friends even after many years. Tonight's just simply great!

Thank you Lord...... :)

God is with me.

Hebrews 13:5 (Amplified) Let your character or moral disposition be free from love of money [including greed, avarice, lust, and craving for earthly possessions] and be satisfied with your present [circumstances and with what you have]; for He [God] Himself has said, I will not in any way fail you nor give you up nor leave you without support. [I will] not, [I will] not, [I will] not in any degree leave you helpless nor forsake nor let [you] down (relax My hold on you)! [Assuredly not!]

God is with me. He will not leave me. He will not forsake me. He will not leave me helpless. He will not let me go. God is with me. He will not leave me. He will not forsake me. He will not leave me helpless. He will not let me go. God is with me. He will not leave me. He will not forsake me. He will not leave me helpless. He will not let me go. God is with me. He will not leave me. He will not forsake me. He will not leave me helpless. He will not let me go. God is with me. He will not leave me. He will not forsake me. He will not leave me helpless. He will not let me go. God is with me. He will not leave me. He will not forsake me. He will not leave me helpless. He will not let me go. God is with me. He will not leave me. He will not forsake me. He will not let me go. He will not forsake me. He will not leave me helpless. He will not let me go. God is with me. He will not leave me. He will not forsake me. He will not let me go. He will not leave me helpless. God will not fail me. He will not give me up. God will not fail me. He will not give me up. God will not fail me. He will not give me up. God will not fail me. He will not give me up. God will not fail me. He will not give me up. God will not fail me. He will not give me up. God will not fail me. He will not give me up. God will not fail me. He will not give me up. God will not fail me. He will not give me up. God will not fail me. He will not give me up. God will not fail me. He will not give me up. God will not fail me. He will not give me up. God will not fail me. He will not give me up. God will not fail me. He will not give me up. God will not fail me. He will not give me up. God will not leave me without support. God will not leave me without support. God will not leave me without support. God willl not leave me without support. God will not leave me without support. God will not leave me without support. God will not leave me without support. God will not leave me without support. God will not leave me without support. God will not leave me without any support. God will not leave me without any support. God will not leave me without any support. God will not leave me without any support. God will not leave me without any support. God will not leave me without support. God will not leave me without suppport. God will not leave me without support. God will not leave me without support. God will not let me down. God will not let me down. God will not let me down. God will not let me down. God will not let me down. God will not let me down. God will not let me down. God will not let me down. God will not let me down. God will not let me down. God will not let me down. God will not let me down. God will not let me down. God will not let me down. God will not let me down. God will not let me down. God will not let me down. God will not let me down. God will not let me down. God will not let me down. God will not let me down. God will not let me down. God will not let me down. God will not let me down. God will not let me down. God will not let me down. God will not let me down. God will not let me down.

Amen!

Depressed

Been a little depressed lately. Actually, I am missing J again. Sometimes I do not know whether I should laugh or cry. I want to laugh when I think about how much pain and misery have been caused by a 2 week friendship. Its been more than 2 months since J started ignoring me. Yet I still miss J almost like 2 months back. In the midst of intense loneliness all that I can do is just sigh. Frankly, I have no idea how long this stuff is gonna last. I thought that all this would not last long but I realised I might just be wrong. God, I need help. I desperately need help. Here I am, trying to move on with my life but I can't seem to be able to. Why? Okay I will write it down when I figure out why.

Okie, let's talk about some other more positive stuff. Today is my official last day in the pa (sound) ministry. Actually, its kind of weird cos all I requested for was to do less duty in pa (i.e. to do duty once instead of twice a month) but instead my leader took it as me quiting totally. Oh well. I suppose it means a little more free time. Then again, maybe not. Will be doing more of worship. When CF smsed me to inform me bout me not serving anymore in oct, she thanked me for serving all these years. Then I realised how long I have been serving in the ministry in the church. Not trying to add a feather to my cap but rather I realise again how time really flies......

The question pops again. What am I gonna do with my life. I know Who I should turn to for this answer but I think I am afraid to ask. Not too sure if I am willing to obey when I get the answer. Actually, I really have no idea what I should be doing now. Was contemplating of taking a diploma on lymphatic drainage. But a number of questions cross my mind. Where does this lead to? Will I be using what I have learned on a practical basis? Is the money well spent? Do I wanna go through studying again? I feel kind of restricted in my choices. On one hand, I wanna use my time wisely cos I know that Jesus is coming back soon. Yet to me this is just another compromise among so many that I have made thus far. Hmmm, what to do? Think there are too many distractions. I really should get away to pray and seek God......

Scattered Thoughts

Actually I should be going to bed by now. Had a pretty long day today. But I shall take a while to blog before I start the dreaming process. Hmmm, seem to have a lot of thoughts going through my mind now. Let's see. Okay, received a sms from my sis before I had my dizi class just now. She mentioned that she was gonna have lunch with dad tomorrow. Wow, I know its a real step of faith for her. Now, I realise the full impact of it after I have read her blog. Would have recommended her blog to everyone but she just wanted it to stay personal, so too bad. Actually, I am on leave tomorrow afternoon and I am free to join them for lunch. But for some reason I just felt that I should not go. And nope sis its not a cop-out! :) After I read her blog, I came to realise all the more I should not be there. I can imagine the thoughts that are going through her even now. But she is right, this has to happen sooner than later. I am in prayerful mood right. I know that she will need all the help she can get. :) "Father, grant her strength......"

Today's dizi lesson went pretty okay. I quite enjoyed it. At first I was feeling a little inferior cos I could hear the student before me in class and his playing was similar to my teacher's playing. It was good. While chatting with my teacher in the midst of the lesson, I found out that he has been playing for bout 3 years already. Okay, that made me feel a little better. I further comforted myself that I should be proud that for a person who started learning dizi afew months back and at the age of 30, I seem to be doing ok. Sure I would need to put in more work, but I realise that God has been good to me in that my learning curve has been pretty ok. In fact, it seems that my piano and guitar skills need or rather should have been way better by now. Okay, that means more work. :( I know, I am really taking on more than I can handle. But stubborn me, still not willing to concentrate yet. In fact, I am so tempted to go buy a western flute and branch into it with my dizi background. Yes, contentment has never been a strength of mine. Think I really should marry some rich girl and then not work and do music full time. Yap, in my dreams. Which I better go into soon, if I want to have enough energy for tomorrow that is...... Okie, gotta run. Time to enter dreamland, where all impossibilities become possibilities, till you wake up! :)

Great Sunday

So glad that I can finally post a blog like this. Yesterday's worship went pretty well I must say. My worship coach said that I had improved and that I played better. Yipeee! Hopefully, I would improve more and more man. I remember that he prayed for me on sat that God will give me better skills. It's working! :) Well it will be a while before I play for worship again so there will be more time for me to work on improving. Let's see what happens. So happy......

Grandma's Birthday Dinner Last Night

My sis and I and 3 of my nephews.

My brother in law (left).

Was at my grandma's birthday dinner last night. Was not really keen in going but my mum was smart enough to remind me a couple of times prior so I had no excuse not to go. Was not close with many of my relatives so I did not want to feel uncomfortable. Anyway I ended up going. Okay it did not turn out that bad after all other than the fact that I realised I am not that young anymore. Saw a number of relatives whom I had seen grow up. One of them is about to ORD already. That's scary!

Overall, I must say that it went pretty well. Had a good time chatting with my sis, brother-in-law and my cousins. In fact, after the dinner 3 of my cousins and I went for tea at Xin Wang. Had a good time there as well. It's been a while since I last stayed out so late. A long while.

My Sis n I

This is my beloved sis. She once asked how come I do not have a photo of her on my blog. My excuse was that I did not have a recent pic of the both of us together. Now I do not have an excuse anymore. Nay, it is my pleasure to have her pic on my blog. Love u sis......

What Happens In Church Sometimes

Forgive my recording. First time doing this. :)

What's Next?

My sis asked me before, :"So what are you going to do from now?" I think this is a pertinent question that should arise after being touched in such a dramatic way by God. I guess my rebellious days are coming to an end. How do I continue to rebel against Someone who loves me so much? I guess my emotions and loneliness are easier to handle knowing that God is holding on to my hand and He doesn't intend to let go.

John 10:28, 29 and I give eternal life to them, and they will never perish; and no one will snatch them out of My hand. My Father, who has given them to Me, is greater than all; and no one is able to snatch them out of the Father's hand. (NASB)

You promised Father that it is Your love that will hold me through. I am holding You to Your word......

** He Touched Me

I think today will be a day I will remember for a long time to come, hopefully to eternity. 19 Sept 2009. I was at the worship meeting, fulfilling my obligation since it was compulsory for all musicians to attend. Well, at least I thought so till I saw the turn out today. Little did I know that it was more a divine appointment set up by God to intervene in my life. To be frank, I was not at all excited about attending today's meeting. Snoozed a long time in bed and the rain certainly did not help.

The meeting started late as some had yet to arrive. We started with worship which went fine. My worship coach Daniel led in worship with the guitar. Made me wanna seriously go into guitar again. As usual. After that my pastor did some sharing from his heart in regards to worshipping God. One of the points he shared that I wanted to remember was that we are now in like the last 100 m of the marathon. We are coming to the end of the age and Jesus is returning. Another thing he mentioned about was that in churches, the worship team was more likely to fall into pride as well as the intercessary team. So I have been forewarned. Actually I guess I was aware of that but maybe on a subconscious level. I realised that I have been gleaning my self-esteem from being in the worship team rather than from God. So yes, that must change.

After the sharing, Daniel got us to pray for each other and that was when the "highlight" of the day began. First, he came over to pray for me. He prayed for me to experience more of "The Father's" love. Bit by bit, my heart melted. I started to cry a little. My eyes were closed but I could hear that he also started to cry as well. After he prayed for me, I just sat there and continued to cry. The Lord was touching me. It felt really good. It has been a long while since I last experienced this. As I sat there, leaned forward with my eyes closed, I felt a hand over my shoulder. I knew it was my sis. It was confirmed when I heard her praying in tongues beside me. Suddenly, I started crying even more intensely. I felt love from her. I know that she is well aware of the challenges in my life and she was comforting me with her hand on my shoulder. I started to cry so bad that I was crunching. It was crying from deep inside. Wish I knew how to pin it down in words. As I cried more intensely I felt her head over my shoulder. That made it even "worse" so to say. I just could not help myself.

As she returned from leaning on me, I just sat there still in a bending forward position. I saw my pastor just pacing back and forth in front of me. In a sense I sort of expected him to come over to pray for me. But he just continued to pace back and forth. After a while, he sat down beside me. I thought he was just grabbing a seat to get ready for Daniel to make an announcement or something. Next thing I knew, he leaned over and put his hand over my shoulder. And he said something to the effect of "God loves you." THAT was the straw that broke the camel's back so to say. I wailed. And wailed. And I wailed. He was giving me a word. And the word went something like: "Dwell in My (God's) love. It is My Love that will bring you to the destination I have for you. It is not your determination. My gifts and callings are irrevocable. They have never changed. My love for you has never changed. My destination for you has never changed. And it is My love that will give you the motivation and bring you to fulfill My call in your life. See people through My love." All those words brought such comfort to my heart. Even though I was wailing, it was not a sorrowful one but one of release, emotional release. I have hardened my heart so much lately that I needed release. It was such a relief to know that God still cares and that He has not given up on me. I know this in my mind but it was really something else when God spoke through my pastor to me. As I wailed there, I knew that my sis was crying beside me as well cos she knows how pertinent those words were in my life. They were really a word in season.

I would have taken a picture of myself after the intense wailing but I figured that it would scare even the devil himself so I decided to not embarras myself too much. My sis and I came to a conclusion after that that God certainly does not care about how we look outwardly.......

Great Philosophy from a Great Philosopher

Noticed this quote from my train station recently.

May I continue this quote, "assuming you are going in the right direction." Confused?  :)

Lesson from the Stray Cat

Learn a great lesson from the stray cat hanging around at the stairs of my block. Joy and contenment!

Bad Sunday

Actually things were not so bad at the end but the beginning of the day was horrendous. It started as usual for me since I was playing keyboard for both the Mandarin and English service. Was there early. Brought my guitar along since we were going to have guitar training by my worship coach. Or so I thought. The worship prior to the message went pretty well, at least in my own estimation. That was until my coach spoke to me after that when we were together in service. He actually apologised for almost shouting at me. I was a little taken aback. I probed a little and he proceeded to tell me that I made a lot of mistakes during my playing prior. He then mentioned that he had to put in more effort to train me. He said more stuff than that but that was the essence of what I heard.

At first, I took it quite well. I knew I had lots of room for improvement. That was the reason why I so wanted to learn from him. But as I started to play for the remainder of the Mandarin service, I started to get depressed. And that started to affect my playing. By the time I was playing for the English service, I was gone man. Thoughts raged in me that I should just quit and do music on my own and all that. As a result, I started to make more mistakes and became way more conscious of my playing. There were certain parts of the worship that I just did not want to play anymore. So I just sat there. My sis was in the congregation and she noticed that I sighed 3 times and in a very obvious way. Yap, that's what I do when I am depressed. She marvelled that I could even drink my water in the midst of worship! At that point of time, I really could not be bothered what the congregation saw me doing. I just wanted to stop and just stone away. I knew that my keyboard could well be heard by my coach who was playing the drums and I really had no heart to play on anymore. So there were awkward pauses in the midst of worship because I refused to play and the other 2 guitarist also did not play. Messed up big time man!

That was still not the highlight of the day. We were supposed to have our guitar coaching after the service. However, 3 of the guitarists did not turn up and did not inform the coach prior. So out of the 5, effectively only 2 turned up. A new comer was there as well. So coach was fuming mad. He kept asking me why the others did not turn up. At first I just replied that I did not know. After being asked more than once, I finally suggested that he asked them himself in a sarcastic way. After all, if I had been asked more than once, I do not expect my answer to change in a couple of seconds. He took my advice and spoke to one of them over the phone. Boy was he mad! Poor guy. After shooting him, the coach was asking why another person did not turn up. He finally gave up. He was too pissed. He then got the three of us to sit together. He sat there and faced us for a while. He finally told us that we were dismissed and he left the studio and slammed the door behind him. By that time, it finally dawned on me that he REALLY WAS MAD!

My 2 other friends then left for their lunch and I proceeded to look for him. Actually, I wanted to tell him off cos I took the trouble to bring the guitar to church and would have to bring it back without having used it at all. But when I found him, he was having a 'discussion' with someone else and I just waited till he was done. When I finally spoke to him, I asked if he was okay. H replied that he was not. So being the nice guy I was, I just patted him on the shoulder and grabbed my guitar and left. I was a little shocked at my self. Thought that I wanted to tell him off. Anyway, if God was not omniscient I am sure He would have been shocked as well. LOL. So I just proceeded home. Did not have the mood to join anyone for lunch.

Tried to catch some sleep before I headed for a movie with Ivan. But I could not fall asleep. I gave up and decided to go chill at Centrepoint where Ivan was. After some time, my coach smsed to apologise for flaring up. Then I also apologised for my poor attitude today. So all ended well. Tomorrow he will be giving me a one on one lesson. Whoopy!

The time with Ivan went well (Thanks Ivan :)). Enjoyed myself. Watched 'Dance Flick' with him. Brainless humor. My favorite. Thank God at least the later part of the day was ok. :)

Another Funny One from Ryan Higa

Enjoy......

My Dizi

Just bought another 2 different key dizi on sat. Was admiring it as I was playing it just now. Though I am still not too good at it, I feel so cultured already. LOL......

Doesn't the carvings just look so sophisticated? Have not tried to read them though. They could be nonsense for all I know. But who cares? As long as I look cultured while playing them. LOL.....

Hungry Ghosts Festival

I was wondering if the ghosts need to be offered probiotics and such. My conclusion is an emphatic 'OF COURSE!' If they are let out only once a year and offered so much food only once a year, they definitely need any form or digestive help they can get......

It's Coming

The month of October is coming. Just the thought of it saddens me. Cos its supposed to be the month J and I go for our Taiwan trip. Now that J is nowhere in sight, I suppose there will not be a Taiwan trip. It's as if I am still holding on to a glimmer of hope. I find it difficult to unblock the leave which I have set aside for that trip. In my logical mind, I would have given it up way earlier cos I am sure there would be other colleagues who would like to take leave then. But I have been procrastinating. Deep down I know that it is practically impossible for me to ever make the trip with J but I still find it difficult to release those days totally so that others can have it. How selfish of me. Anyway, as I always hear from preachers :" If the horse is dead for a long time, it is time to dismount!" Okay! It is time to give the slots up for others!

More Pics of the Conference

The pics above are some of the photos taken at the conference. Cool right? Err I meant my own pic. Most were taken with my TTSH colleagues except the bottom left hand corner which was taken with my helpers, who were a fun bunch of people to hang around with. Oh, and the top right hand photo was taken with my poly optom classmates. So nice to see them again after so long.

See. I was listening intently to the talk.

Or maybe not so intently. :)

For That Hand to Hold

I Am Torn Inside

The good thing about having free time is the freedom to sit back and chill a little. The bad thing is the freedom to think about things without much distractions. Been thinking a fair bit about my life of late and what I want in life. I must say that I am pretty torn inside. What I want is not what God wants for me. It's pretty obvious. The past few months have taught me that. The lessons were hard and painful. Even now, I am still feeling the heat of it in my heart. I really want it but does that warrant or make it justifiable for me to have it? Knowing that my life is suppose to belong to the One who paid such a heavy price for it certainly does not help.

Do I not have a say in my own life? What if the One who supposedly owns my life really knows what He is doing? Do I trust Him. No, I don't. My actions and thoughts have proven it time and time again. I think I have to come to a decision and soon. Even if I do not crack from the guilt of sin and rebellion, I will crack from my heart being torn in two directions. My feelings or God? God or my feelings? I really don't know. Is there no simple solution that will take care of both? Unfortunately no. Do I follow God and risk not having someone in my life? Do I follow my feelings and go into a relationship that I know may not have or probably will not have a good ending? Does God really know what's best? For me?

Actually, all the answers are pretty obvious. But I don't know if I really want to take that plunge. Will I turn back? All the questions lurk in my mind right now. I seriously do not know how long I am going to straddle between the fence so to speak. Though it hurts, I still will not get off. Any conclusions? Nope, not yet. But what I do know is that God is still not through with me. I know He is gently wooing me back. Maybe I do not need to be wooed. I just need to be dragged back I suppose.......

I Miss...... My Sis

Hmmm, feels like a long time since I last spoke to my sis. She has been away and will be back only tomorrow. Can't wait......

Last Night's Dinner

Went for dinner with some of my colleagues last night. I must say that I quite enjoyed myself. The food was so so but the milk tea was splendid. The service was not fantastic though. Actually I wanted to back out as I was seemingly down with a flu. But I felt much better by the afternoon so I thought that I better go. Needed to get some things off my mind as well. Cool right? Got to take pics with all the babes......

Some Photos of the Conference

That's my supervisor on the left Anthony (a.k.a uncle Sim), followed by Val, Shih Chia, Me (handsome right?) and Mel

This was taken after the conference. We went to have a light snack prior to our appreciation dinner that night.

IT IS FINISHED!

Even though I have not put in very much effort I am sure glad that the conference is over. I am sure many of my colleagues would agree even more so. My eye clinic was the organising commitee for this big eye related conference held yesterday and today. Many of my colleagues were involved in this project. Since I did not attend a number of the meetings I was "arrowed" to be the MC for this event. Which was fine. Turned out to be quite fun indeed. Thank God I was not needed on stage. I just sat comfortably with my helpers at a table by the side of the stage. So that took some of the tension off.

The other fun part of siting by the side was that I had a good view of most in the hall and as you will see later why that helped. :)

We started the whole conference with a performance from a busker by the name of Steven. He was born blind and lived like that 41 years of his life. He played the guitar, sang and played the harmonica as well. His performance was really good and inspired me in my journey towards musical excellence.

Some session were really good. Some really sucked. I actually took some photos in the midst of the conference which showed how bored I was during some of the lectures in the conference.

Not too bad eh? Two asleep and one yawning away.......

Self-explanatary I suppose......

Great! One even reads a story book during
lecture! Forgive my photography skills. Had to be discreet about it. :)

Overall, it was quite an experience for me as a MC for the first time. So glad I did not stutter or misread my lines.

To my colleagues at TTSH eye clinic: "SUPERB JOB DONE!"

Lazy

Been pushing my gym back for about a week already. I WILL go to the gym today. I WILL NOT slack anymore. :)

** Word of God

Jer 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. NIV

A future is what I really need now. I need to see a future.

Pro 29:18 Where there is no vision, the people perish,...... KJV

My sis would tell me that it's because I have no direction is life that's why I am the way I am (unhappy and such). I guess she is right. Time to look beyond my challenges in life. Feel like the only 2 things that has progressed in my life is my music journey and my age. For now I feel like I am really only existing and not living. God I need help. I really do. I need divine intervention. If not, life is really not worth living, or rather existing. I heard people say that we need to live for a bigger purpose in life beyond ourselves. I struggle with that. How do I do that when I can't even get past myself? I feel trapped. Now the need for someone beside me seems so real and overwhelming that I can't seem to be able to pull myself out of it.

Matthew 11:28 Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy-laden and overburdened, and I will cause you to rest. [I will [a]ease and relieve and [b]refresh [c]your souls.] Amplified Bible
This is the verse which God seems to be saying to me now. Think I really need to rest in God. Who else to find solace in other than the all powerful yet loving God?
Proverbs 18: 10 The name of the LORD is a strong tower; The righteous runs into it and is safe. NASB
Proverbs 30: 5 Every word of God is tested; He is a shield to those who take refuge in Him. NASB