Depressed

Been a little depressed lately. Actually, I am missing J again. Sometimes I do not know whether I should laugh or cry. I want to laugh when I think about how much pain and misery have been caused by a 2 week friendship. Its been more than 2 months since J started ignoring me. Yet I still miss J almost like 2 months back. In the midst of intense loneliness all that I can do is just sigh. Frankly, I have no idea how long this stuff is gonna last. I thought that all this would not last long but I realised I might just be wrong. God, I need help. I desperately need help. Here I am, trying to move on with my life but I can't seem to be able to. Why? Okay I will write it down when I figure out why.

Okie, let's talk about some other more positive stuff. Today is my official last day in the pa (sound) ministry. Actually, its kind of weird cos all I requested for was to do less duty in pa (i.e. to do duty once instead of twice a month) but instead my leader took it as me quiting totally. Oh well. I suppose it means a little more free time. Then again, maybe not. Will be doing more of worship. When CF smsed me to inform me bout me not serving anymore in oct, she thanked me for serving all these years. Then I realised how long I have been serving in the ministry in the church. Not trying to add a feather to my cap but rather I realise again how time really flies......

The question pops again. What am I gonna do with my life. I know Who I should turn to for this answer but I think I am afraid to ask. Not too sure if I am willing to obey when I get the answer. Actually, I really have no idea what I should be doing now. Was contemplating of taking a diploma on lymphatic drainage. But a number of questions cross my mind. Where does this lead to? Will I be using what I have learned on a practical basis? Is the money well spent? Do I wanna go through studying again? I feel kind of restricted in my choices. On one hand, I wanna use my time wisely cos I know that Jesus is coming back soon. Yet to me this is just another compromise among so many that I have made thus far. Hmmm, what to do? Think there are too many distractions. I really should get away to pray and seek God......