** It's A Journey

This is gonna be a long one. So buckle your seat belts. It started yesterday. Was learning under my worship coach Daniel. The practice was fine though it started on a slightly uncomfortable note for me. He asked me if I was okay to which I replied that I would survive. Guess that was my way of saying things not too good but not too bad. He tried to probe more but I refused to tell him. I wanted to share with him but I was concerned since it was not as simple as a confession. But he told me he's my father to which I somewhat agree. I did see him as a spiritual figure in my life. After a while he relented and told me that he agreed that trust needs to be built. After the practice with him, I stayed to watch him practice for the Mandarin worship with the singers. As I watched him play, I slipped into depression. He played so so well that I really felt inferior. And I started to feel condemned. It's been so long and yet I don't seem to have achieved anything in life, not just musically but many other aspects as well. So I spent the rest of the day 'emo'ing. When night fell, I realised that I could not go on like this so I decided to skip all my usual practices to pray.

I spent about an hour praying in tongues. Suddenly, I started to think of J again. All the memories flashed back and I started to weep because I just felt so heart broken and yet so helpless. That was when the previous blog came about. I decided to sleep early and go church early today to attend the Mandarin service. Just felt I really so needed to spend more time in worship towards God. And so I did. I knew what songs they were gonna sing today and I knew the songs would minister to me. True enough, I was worshiping and crying away this morning. In the midst of worship, I felt that I had to verbalise myself forgiving J. Even though I do not feel its J's fault I ended up the way I am (rebellion has its own consequences), I just needed to forgive J. Which I did.

I verbalised that I forgive J and that I release J. So after worship, the preacher then took the pulpit and starting teaching. Much to my surprise the topic today was about forgiveness! How apt! Beyond that he taught that forgiveness also meant releasing the person. So I knew it was all God. I then met up with Caleb to have breakfast. Thought I could finally spend some time one on one with him. For the past few occasions we were always joined by others so I did not have personal time with him. Today was no exception. We had breakfast and headed for the English service.

I was not too engaged with the worship. Wonder why. I seem to be more in tune with the Mandarin side when it comes to worship. Then another preacher took the pulpit since my pastor was on holiday. He is a prophet from Melbourne. The message spoke somewhat but when he gave the altar call, I knew it was for me. He asked for people who felt directionless and that church was just a routine to come up. He also asked for people who seemed to have hit a wall in their Christian walk to come up. I was the first one. I knew that God was calling me. When I was up at the front, I felt someone behind and had hands on my back. I knew it must be my sis. I was touched. I did not expect her to be there but I realised she would definitely be there for me. He then started to pray for everyone in the front. While he was praying for everyone else, I was standing there.

I had a hand on my heart and the other lifted up. I knew it was a personal time between God and me. It did not matter even if the preacher did not pray for me. God was already touching my heart. One of the things I remember praying for was the realisation that all I need in life is Jesus, not man. I kept on confessing "I need You Jesus". After a while I started to apologize for all the time I have wasted in my life because of this issue. I kept saying "I am sorry God". And I kept feeling in my heart "ALL IS FORGIVEN AND ALL IS WELL". What a relief! Then the prophet came and started to pray for me to be healed of all the disappointments. So apt! He also prayed for God to surround me with His Love. Then he said "A NEW DAY IS COMING". Yes! If there's anything I need, it's a NEW DAY. All the past hurts all the past failure can belong to the past. So I stood there, weeping again. Seems like tears happen to be a big part of my life. As I stood there, my care group leader was there as well. After the preacher went on to pray for others and I had released my pent up emotions, I turned and hugged my sis. She's really been the pillar in my life. Then she told me that she saw the weights fall off me. She also said that when the weights fall off the real me can come out. Not the one I pretend to be but the real me.

Right now as I sit in front of my com and am typing this, a lot of thoughts are in my head now. But I shall end off with a line from a mandarin song I am listening to now. Literally, it goes.....

pain is flowing down from my eyes, I know You(Jesus) will wipe it for me.


Thank you Jesus......

I Miss You J, Still

I miss the times we had conversations that lasted hours over the phone.
I miss the time you encouraged me in my relationship with my dad.
I miss the look of contentment you had on your face after our dinner at the club.
I miss the sound of your voice.
I miss finding out how much we actually had in common.
I miss listening to you plan where to go for our Taiwan trip.
I miss receiving your 'good night' smses.

I know you can't hear me now. Even if you could, I don't think you would want to. Though I have not known you very long, I know that by now you should be very comfortable into your new relationship. Wish I could be like you. It's funny how I always wished I could strike lottery cos the day we became friends I had more than struck lottery. I know a person like you is very hard to come by. That's why I was 'desperate' to be better friends with you. Unfortunately, things did not quite work out the way I wished it would. And I am torn. I know that us being apart does the both of us good in the big picture. But on the other hand I still find it tough to let it go totally. Glad that you have moved on. I really do not know if I can but life still goes on. I suppose I got to make do with being reminded of you a couple of times in a day, at least for now. It's the bane of all I have come to believe.

love you J, miss you J, always have......

My Day Thus Far

Today's been pretty good in comparison to yesterday I must say. Managed to squeeze in a morning swim prior to meeting my dad for lunch at the club. I think swimming is really the way to go for me. Seems like my thoughts become clearer whenever I swim. The water at the club today was great. Apparently they have switched to non-chlorinated water in the pools. Felt really good swimming in it. The water tasted way different from the regular pools I visit due to convenience which tasted kind of weird (wonder why) especially at the end of the day. Think I will swim at the club more often if possible.

Lunch went really well. For once dad did not ask about my nephew (miracle!). He asked about my brother (common topic) and also asked bout my sis (another miracle!). Though there were silent moments throughout, which is very common, we did manage to have a decent conversation. Thank God. After lunch I took a nap before working out at the gym. Think I injured my wrist a little. But anyway did not do very much at the gym today.

I also managed to practice a little for my guitar and my piano so that's satisfying. Even managed to take another short nap before I went to life group. Sleep really is a luxury. Led worship at life group tonight but I was not too happy about it. The songs seemed to flow pretty okay when I was practicing but there I had a hard time flowing. Also, my voice also gave way in the midst of worship. Hmmm, need to talk to my bro about it man.

Other than that, things seemed okay for me today. Still think about J a couple of times but I guess I'll make it. The problem is that J's place is right smack in the middle between my place and where the life group is held. So I will always have to walk pass J's place. Anyway, life still goes on with or without J I suppose......

FML

Still at work. Doc came late. Patient came late. Have loads of tests to do. 2 more patients to do before I can go off. FML!

J Has A Boyfriend

Just found out last night that J is attached. In one sense I am happy for J. On the other hand, I realised that my world just fell apart again. Now I have one less thing to live for in life. I do not know how much more I can take. Somehow I have this weird feeling that God somehow led me up to this to finally find out about J being attached. Anyway I am more than aware that as much as I like J, I will not be able to give J all that J needs in a relationship. Wretched bastard that I am. I can't get into the relationship I so yearn for. Anyway J you have my best wishes. Wished I could be the one to love and care for you but I guess I blew it up big time.

The other J......

Touching

Just saw a patient who had a stroke a couple of months back. She is 50+. Was especially touching for me to see the care rendered to her by her husband. He was just so patient with her. As with any stroke patient, she had a lot of difficulty walking about. Her husband would help lift her up, plan with her the steps she has to take to the testing area and how she has to turn and all that.

I tried to put myself in his shoes and imagine all the details he had to look into as he looked after her. I decided to not to imagine any further. Thank God for good health...... :)

Adultery

Hmmm, seems like a unusual topic to blog on. Yesterday, a friend was telling me about her friend's boyfriend who was cheating on her. Apparently, the boyfriend was married before and the friend was a third party. Seems very drama like but unfortunately it happens in real life too. My friend was upset cos she helped them to be together at some point as well. Now, she feels kind of stupid for having helped the guy.

Actually, I am not sure why I am talking about this but listening to my friend and seeing her upset over this issue sort of got to me as well I guess. The problem with such issues is that there should never have been a start of a relationship since the guy is married. But the bigger problem is how to convince the girl to quit since it involves the emotions so much. I have learnt my lesson first hand through my relationship with J that emotions definitely defy logic and beats it hands down. So one of the hardest battle to fight in life to me is the emo battle.

Back to my story. After some time, the girl called to tell my friend that it is over (i.e the relationship between her and that joker is over). My first question to my friend was "is it really over?" My friend agreed with me. Somehow, we were not too convinced that the girl will just step out of the relationship like that. Sadly, for some (maybe even most), chances are that they will head straight into the relationship after the man does some 'damage control'. Sad but true. Conclusions? 1) Never get involved with a married man (or woman for that matter). 2) Emotions could be your best friend, or your worst enemy. 3) I need to get back to work......

How Long God? How Long???

Wonder how long more do I have to go on like this. It's really a struggle to say the least. To please God or myself? Seems pretty obvious doesn't it? Only problem is trying to keep to the decision. Kathryn Kuhlman once said:"I have died a thousand deaths". I can related so well to what she said. Though I have yet to reach a thousand, I definitely have crossed the hundred line...... Yet in the midst of all these, I am more than a conqueror? His grace is sufficient? I really need a shoulder to weep on. Jesus says,:"Here use Mine". :)

** Feels Pretty Good

Last night, for the very first time in a long long long long time I started to make time to pray for the people around me. Must say that it felt really good. Been so engrossed and caught up in my own world of problems that I hardly bothered about the rest. So last night was somewhat a breakthrough. Just figured that since I am presently spiritually unemployed, the least I could do is to pray for people around me, be  it loved ones or friends. As they always say,:"Live for something greater than yourself." Okay, I'll try......

Things I Do When I Am Bored In Church

** Father's Love

Today I really felt like a child again. As much as I am officially 31 I get that feeling once in a while. Today's feeling was especially strong. As I sat there during worship, I couldn't help but realise how weak I am and in need of protection like a child. I always wished there was someone to protect me despite how most of the time I try to act strong and independent.

Today's message was really apt for me. It was about the 'Father's love' as in God The Father's love. My pastor spoke about how lacking a father's love really messes us up. I guess I am a testimony to that fact. Don't get me wrong. My father does love me (at least he used to). Unfortunately, if good intentions are all we need, most will not be as messed up as they are now. My dad was pretty much an absentee father for a large part of my life. Even during the times he was around there was never much of communication except for some nagging. To be fair, he provided well for my family. He was a lawyer and was doing well for a large part of his career. We lived in a bungalow and was driven around in a merc. Wished that it would suffice. Well, it wouldn't. Looking back, I would give up the luxuries of the past in exchange for a bit of affirmation and affection from him.

Most of his working life was spent trying to keep up to paying for the house and the car we had. So even during holidays he would often be stuck in the office mugging away. Really wished he could realise then that many things in life cannot be measured by dollars and cents. Other problem was that dad was emotionally handicapped. His EQ was really bad. I really found it difficult to relate to him in most areas of my life. Still remember an occasion where I was in my room and I was weeping due to a friendship that did not work out (hey I was only 14 then!). He saw my weeping in the room and he simply walked away! That left something in me.

So now, my life is pretty messed up as a result of all those stuff during the younger days. Think I still unconsciously blame him somewhat for my life. Despite the fact that I realised that it was probably because he did not receive that kind of love from his dad, that's why he acted the way he acted, I think I am still somewhat bitter against him. The worst part I guess is that he still does not realise all the harm that he has caused me. And even if he does realise, whatever he does for me or to me now will be viewed through tainted glasses. So I guess it leaves me still trying to get back something from him I know he does not even have.

So, as my pastor was sharing about his life where he had to come to a place of forgiving his dad, I think I have to come to mine. Actually I am not too sure if I am still that bitter with him anymore. I think I have come to this place where I realised in life "SHIT HAPPENS". A song is playing in the background that seems so apt for this occasion. 'I surrender all'. Think I will leave it at that for now.

My Day

Today started off like any typical working Saturday. Wished it remained that way. Was at Nan Fang for my part time work. Nearer to the end of the day, the feelings started coming back again. Started to feel the bout of loneliness again. S**t! Wonder how long I have to go on like this. I could feel myself slipping into depression again as the feeling started to overwhelm me. God, I need strength......

Blog Addiction

Think I suffer from blog addicition, as in I am addicted to reading other people's blogs. Since I sixed down drastically my list of blogs I follow, I have been bored, to say the list. I used to enjoy going to my dashboard to see if there are any new entries from the blogs I follow. Now, I know that there would hardly be any updates, since I am only following 2 blogs. All can be summarised in one word "BORING!".....

Think I Am Pissed

Okay, I almost convinced myself that studying might not be so bad after all. All the spare time. All the new friends. Being able to dress casually more often. Possibly buying a car even. Swimming often at SP pool. Using the gym there. A whole new life almost. Then I was told that studying next year is not possible cos they would need to project funds and all that. WTF!!!!! And with the rate I was questioned about studying I thought that it would definitely be next year. :( Duh! Talk about miscommunication man. Anyway, I should be used to that by now. Disappointments seem to have been marking my life more often of late. A glimmer of hope still seems to shine though. Just have this feeling that things would somehow work out. We'll see......

My Goodness!

Sorry but I just could not resist taking a snap shot of this person in the train......

The Sacred Word "Comfort"

The topic was brought up again by my supervisor yesterday in regards to me studying again. The hospital seems pretty keen to send me off to study. Locally of course. I think the main thing that scares me right now is the studying part. Just skimmed through the curriculum a moment ago. It kind of worries me. Am I up to it? Especially the theoratical part of things.

I think my main problem is that I have become comfortable and being the typical human being, I have learned to enjoy the comfort zone. Feels really cushy not to need to do very much right now. Studying again would mean rocking the boat so to say. To a certain extent I look forward to being a student again (psychologically, it brings about a feeling of youth again:) ) and being able to make new friends. Then again there seems to be other things which ain't so advantageous as well. Guess you can't have the best of both worlds right? Oh God, I need help here. I need wisdom......

21/12/2012 End Of The World?

I managed to catch the movie with my sis on my birthday (thanks sis). Actually, I expected to have a lot of afterthoughts after the movie (since I tend to think a lot) but somehow this was not so. But it did stir up questions to me as to whether the above date is indeed the end of the world.

I shall not go into the various sources that have already indicated the above date as the end of the world. As far as I know, there are at least 3 different sources that have their take on it and they seem to be congruent about it. Even the prophetic Christians seem to have the similar feel as to something major happening on that day though they do not use the exact same words "End of the world".

So if it really is 21122012, how am I gonna live my life from hence forth? We have slightly more than 3 years to that day. 3 years. Great! The oldest I will ever get is 34. That's a consolation. My other consolation is that the crap I am presently going through has a shelf life to it. At least I can now see light at the end of the tunnel so to say. Hmmm, think I should go all the way for God. Not too much time left......

Some Radical Changes

I didn't realise that it would be so painful to remove some blogs from my current list that I follow. With all the sighing and slightly watery eyes you would have thought that a tragedy just happened or something. Yap, a tragedy did happen. Something in me died. I do not know what but it sure hurts. I knew all along that certain blogs that I follow were not healthy for me emotionally. But somehow I could just explain it away and continue to visit them. Apparently not today. I knew I had to cut certain stuff off my life as painful as it may seem. So now I am left with 2 blogs on my list. One is my sis and the other is a friend Caleb. Now, I need to go and nurse my emo pains...... : (

Temptation

Oh, The Temptation from Steve V on Vimeo.


Saw this from someone else's blog. Pretty cool or cruel, however u see it.

Dinner With My Pastor

My apologies for the blur pic above. It's kind of weird cos when I checked on it once it was taken, it looked pretty sharp. But now...... Anyway, I did have dinner with my pastor and it went great! Once again, my meeting with pastor was great. :) Had dinner at this Thai restaurant at Novena Ville. The food was pretty okay considering the fact that we practically finished it though pastor did not have much of an appetite and it was kind of early (about 530) for me to have dinner.

The chat was great as well. It was really high time for us to catch up after so long. As I wrote in the earlier blog, I was kind of apprehensive to meet him at first cos of the recent happenings in my life. But things went really well. As I told him bout the latest happenings in my life, he just sat there and listened very intently. And after I was done with my story he started to talk to me in a very understanding way. Really appreciated that. It's really nice cos I knew as much as I felt a little uncomfortable telling him bout my story, he still accepted me as I am and loved me the same. And I knew that he was not just talking to me as a 'Pastor' but very much as an old friend as well. So so appreciate that.

We talked a whole lot more though I don't think I can remember every single thing he said. It was a nice feeling listening to him as a friend and not just from the pulpit as a Pastor. One thing that I forgot though was to get him to pray for me after the talk. He graciously sent me home after that. Pray that I will put into practice all that he told me just now.

Losing A Job

Feeling more sober now. Never knew that 2 cocktails could numb my senses so much. Just heard from a friend about how he lost his job recently. To make things worse, he is going to get married early next year and he has already bought a unit that he is presently financing. Thank God that his fiancee is working and earning a comfortable income. So things are not looking that bad.

I am sure that we have all heard such stories before or may even have been the victims in such stories. I still remember having told my friend that buying a private unit at the beginning of his career was not a good idea coupled with the fact that he is also financing his car. I must hand it to him though that he just bought a practical car as opposed to some fanciful car. But I was too late. He had already bought the unit by the time we spoke. Having said that, I am pretty confident that he would not have taken my advice even if it came before he actually bought the unit. Afterall, as a working couple and about to start a family, I am sure that anyone would want to get a 'dream' home or one close to it.

Nothing against all that but unfortunately in the country we live in, property ain't cheap, especially when you talk about private ones. I suppose that as a slightly higher than average income couple, most would want to own a private property. The only issue is that most assume that they will be working for some time and thus the monthly payments seem pretty affordable. Until a tragegy happens. Like in the case of my friend, he lost his job. I am pretty sure it will not be too difficult for him to join back the workforce. Afterall, he is only in his late twenties and he does have a degree and all that. I just wonder about all the unnecessary worries and stress caused by the payments which could have been a whole lot lower had they decided to settle for something a little less than 'ideal'. And the fact that he is soon to get married sure adds to the stress. My sympathies go out to him. And it's no use going to him now to tell him about what he could have done to prevent this mess. All I can do now is to pray for him to find a job soon and that he'll be strong at this time.

I am sure he'll make it through......

Meeting My Pastor

I am finally going to meet the man. We've been wanting to meet up since God knows when but due to his busy schedule and travelling it's been really tough. It's kind of weird though. On one hand I really wanna meet him but on the other, I am a little apprehensive to. Maybe I feel I am too messed up inside so it kind of scares me. All my meetings with him has never turned out bad in any way. In fact, whenever we spend time together, I always walk away inspired and feeling great. Wonder if today will be any different. I feel like a little boy who broke the vase in the house and hoping mum would never find out. LOL. It's weird the emotions that go through my head at any time.
Anyway, think I am still trying to recover from last night's drinking. Hmmm, I only drank 2 cocktails and now I still feel weird. Overslept this morning so I came in late for work. Still feel unnatural somewhat. It's like I am semi-conscious. I just don't feel fully here. :)
I had dinner with Ryan and Marcus last night to celebrate my birthday. We had dinner and drinks at Heaven's Loft Orchard Central. Quite enjoyed it. The food and drinks were okay but the ambience was pretty nice. Had the music been more sentimental it would have been perfect. Okay, gotta go. Reality sets in as the euphoria starts to wane. Great! All I have to do is to wait another 364 days for the next euphoria, if it does come......

My Thank You Video

Did a video for everyone who have made my 31st birthday a blissful one.


My song dedication to all:

Everybody's looking for that something
One thing that makes it all complete
You find it in the strangest places
Places you never knew it could be

Some find it in the face of their children
Some find it in their lover's eyes
Who can deny the joy it brings
When you've found that special thing
You're flying without wings

Some find it sharing every morning
Some in their solitary night
You find it in the words of others
A simple line can make you laugh or cry

You find it in the deepest friendship
The kind you cherish all your life
And when you know how much that means
You've found that special thing
You're flying without wings

So impossible as they may seem
You've got to fight for every dream
'Cause who's to know
Which one you let go
Would have made you complete

Well, for me it's waking up beside you
To watch the sunrise on your face
To know that I can say I love you
In any given time or place
It's little things that only I know
Those are the things that make you mine

And it's like flying without wings
'Cause you're my special thing
I'm flying without wings

And you're the place my life begins
And you'll be where it ends
I'm flying without wings
And that's the joy you bring
I'm flying without wings

14th November 2009

Yap yap yesterday was the day for me. Turned 31 (still not convinced about it though). Started my day with work (yar I volunteered for it, question my sanity sometimes). Met up with Mel for breakfast prior to work and she brought me a little cake. So touched...... :) Work was pretty okay till the time I was gonna leave. Thank God for Mel who stayed later for me so that I could run off on time. Was going to meet my sis to spend the day together. Yipee......

Had lunch with sis and then we watched '2012' together after. Not too bad a show. Got me think bout stuff as usual. Think I'll write about it another time.

After we were done with the movie, we went to chill a little at her place before we went for dinner.

That's my sis. errr I meant the lady standing beside me. ; )

So while she was settling her youngest son Dan, she got to watch some videos taken especially for me.

All those videos really touched me. To think my sis would go through the trouble to get them done for me. Special thanks to Cindy as well (heard your voice on the vids but never got to see u). Also appreciate the people in the vids.

We went out for dinner after that and ate at 'Paradise Inn' I believe. The food was pretty good esp the wasabi prawns and not to mention the

ever so sinful pork. My heart goes out to those who for whatever reason do not eat pork. You have my sympathies. Of course, I would need your sympathies when I die of a heart attack so its fair and square. LOL.

Our final stop was 'Coffee bean' for some desserts and drinks before she sent me home. What a great sis I have. :)

Birthdays

It's the eve of my 31st birthday. It's amazing that I have been around for 31 years already. I don't quite feel like it except for my body of late. I guess it's really all in the mind. Still wondering why I am alive for. I think too often we take for granted that we will all leave to a ripe old age. I guess I've been around long enough to realise that it will not happen to everyone. A colleague was telling me that she attended a wake for a friend's daughter who was only 4 months old. Shocking but true.

For the last year I wanted to just skirt around the idea that I have hit the big '3' already. Somehow I don't seem to wanna do that this year. I wanna ask myself some hard-hitting questions like 'What have I accomplished?' 'What am I going to do from hence forth?' 'What is the reason for my existence?' Hmmm, though I have not started to answer, I have this feeling it ain't gonna be easy.

So, I am gonna take some time to go worship God and hopefully get some answers......

To My Colleagues At TTSH

Despite it's Friday the 13th today I had a pretty good day at work, made a whole lot better by my colleagues who celebrated my birthday for me.




Hmmm, let's see,......

Uncle Sim (Anthony)

Auntie Hu (Huili)

Ricky

Meow (Melanie)

Oliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiivia (Olivia)

Chelven (Celven)

Vilari (Valerie)

Weird (Wei Yee)

I have always believed in enjoying work since it constitutes about a third of our lives. And thus farI have always been able to say that I have really good colleagues wherever I go. This place is no exception at all. 

To all my colleagues at TTSH, thanks for being such great colleagues and more importantly friends in my life. Work is seldom a chore when I am surrounded by such great people. Some of you have been mentors in my life, some fathers, some confidants. From the small group that we are, the great relationships made are really unproportional. I love you all. Just kidding...... not! :)

My Birthday Dinner 2

Wanted to write on this last night but I was too lazy to turn on my com again. Actually, last night's dinner was a great one despite all the emoing (pardon my bad English). I always yearned for a family dinner together where we could just sit down and just be together. So last night was somewhat a fulfilment of it albeit an incomplete one. It lacked my brother and his wife (not that I consider her really a part of the family). And it lacked my mum which is understandable since they are both divorced anyway.

Also, I wanna keep reminding myself that it is not fair nor right to keep focusing on the one thing I do not have in life and as a result despise the rest that God had graciously blessed me with. Easier said than done but I guess I gotta keep moving on......

My Birthday Dinner

I managed to go to the gym after work and did my legs despite initially not wanting to go cos I did not feel up to it. I then went over to NS to walk around while waiting to go for the dinner. Actually I wanted to get like a 30 minute back and shoulder massage so that I would be just in time for the dinner. Unfortunately the slots were full so I missed my opportunity. As I walked around looking at books, then clothes, I started to miss J again. Really wish J was around to celebrate my birthday with me. Would have been so nice. :(

Anyway, when time was up I headed to 'Lao Beijing' where the reservation was made. My dad came in not too long after that, then followed by my sis and her kids. Much to the delight of my dad, sis brought Jessiah along. Jess stayed over at sis' place for a couple of days and thus tagged along for the dinner. Dad really missed Jess. Apparently, they have not seen each other for bout a year already. It's the usual. Dad and brother quarrels so bro decides not to see dad anymore and the kids get involved also.

That's dad and me. Dad has really aged. Errr so have I.

That's my nephew Jon. Handsome right?

That's sis and her 2 boys ben and jon. Wait, is ben strangling Jon?

That's my bro-in-law Bernard

That's my dad's wife. I call her 'auntie'.

That's Jessiah, my nephew from my brother's side.

So things went great. At least for dad. He got to fuss over Jess and make up for lost time with his favorite grandson. And he conveniently skipped paying for the dinner though he was the one who initiated the whole thing. Poor sis. She became the scapegoat as a result. As for me, I was pretty much enjoying the food and happy as well that dad finally got his chance with his grandson.

After dinner, auntie conveniently slipped away to leave time for the 3 of us (dad, sis and me) to catch up. Bernard had brought the kids to the toilet. As usual, he brought up the topic of me getting married, which was kind of awkward for me. Apparently, things are really not as simple as we would like them to be. But, with a little skill and luck I managed to brush away the topic. But that sort of started me on a downhill spiral. Was thinking of J again again. On the way back home, I started to come up with 10 things that I would like for my 31st birthday. Here goes,......

1) J

2) J

3) J

4) J

5) J

6) J

7) J

8) J

9) J

10) J

Simple list ain't it? That's why it's called 'wishful' dreaming......

Closing off with a song which pretty much describes my present relationship with J......

Random Thoughts

Things pretty fine so far other than the drowsy feeling, occasional headaches and slightly sore throat. Sad part is that I gotta forgo the gym session cos I really do not feel up to it. So I've got 2 spare hours before I meet up with dad and sis for dinner. What to say? Not too sure if I am looking forward to dinner but not that I have a choice. Funny sometimes the dread I feel despite the fact that this dinner is for me. Okay, since I gotta have it anyway might as well enjoy it. Now I gotta figure how to kill the 2 hours prior to dinner.

Good to be back at work. Kind of miss my colleagues. Because of my mc for the past 2 days, I have pretty much inconvenienced at least 2 of my colleagues. Feel a little bad about it. Then again, just their luck for being colleagues with me. :) Think I am just tired from the medication. Feel pretty numb emotionally which may not be a bad thing. Err, think I better go. Don't seem to be making sense here......

Read my sis' blog about my nephew. Feel sad for both her and my nephew. It's funny how we think we are controlling our own lives but yet many times we are not left to do the controlling. Many times, our environment controls us. Our past experiences control us. Our loved ones control us. Our feelings control us. How ironic. My nephew seems to be a disaster waiting to happen. Okie, I really better go before I start getting EMO......

Sobering

I was packing up my shelf and I found all the medication I had for the last one and a half years. OMG! I have had so much medication in a short span of time. That is so not good. God I really need to start taking care of my health man......

It's amazing how much rubbish can accumulate in a short period of time. It's great to clear trash once every now and then. Think I also need to do it with my mind......

Last Saturday

I did two things that I am not proud of last Saturday. The first is too personal so I shall not talk about it. The second was that I watched 'Paranormal Activity'. Big mistake. It's been a long while since I last watched any horror movies and I should have kept it at that. But Ivan wanted very much to watch it even though he had less guts than me. So I caved in. The movie started pretty okay at first but as it progressed it really started to get intensely scary. The funny thing was that Ivan would be grabbing my arm during the scary scenes. Now I know why people advocate so much for guys to bring girls to scary movies (provided the guys are more brave). I experienced the reason why. Only problem is that the one beside me was a guy, not a gal. : )

Medication

Okay, seems like the needles and the chinese med have not worked very well on my body so it's back to the trusted antibiotics. Sigh, dread to use antibiotics. As my physician would say, use too much of it and the two (bacteria and antibiotics) will 做朋友 (become friends). Am already using it for a couple of months for the treatment of my face. Now gotta use it for the sore throat since it ain't getting any better. Just downed my antibiotics, a cough mixture (to soothe the throat), 2 anti-inflammatories and an asthma tablet to soothe the lungs. Now I am just waiting for the drowsiness to set in and then get some sleep. Wretched life! Need to get back into the pink of health soon man. Wanna hit the gym really soon man......

KL FINALLLLLLLLLLLL

Since most of us did not buy much stuff, we decided to go back for one last round of shopping.

Cool right? Errr I meant myself. Just kidding....not!

Interesting stuff. This is an aiming target for boo boo pee-ers (i.e. those who cannot aim properly). Wonder if the girls have it too...... :)

Fancy us adults playing with a revolving door. No worries, if anyone asks, we'll just say with an accent:"我们是中国来的!"

Jonah misbehaving as usual......

Wohoo KFC Malaysian style! Next, they will claim that KFC originated from Malaysia as well......

Final pic prior to departure......

Special thanks to:

Alan for being the tour guide.

Valerie for the booking of flight and hotel.

The rest for your company.

And they all lived happily ever after......

Hmmm Let's See......

1) Vocals
2) Piano
3) Guitar
4) Dizi
5) Saxophone
6) Drums
7) Flute
8) Bass
9) Violin

Massage (Swedish & Aromatherapy)
Optometry (Diploma)

Face

Not Again!

Deck the halls with pills and mc's,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Tis the season to be sickly,
Fa la la la la, la la la la. 

Crap. I am sick again. Was feeling weird in my throat last night. Popped a couple of lozenges and went to bed. It usually works. Not this time. Woke up a number of times in the night feeling dry in the throat. This morning I woke up with a full blown sore throat. It's been a long time since I suffered from sore throats. Hate the feeling. I went to see my doc friend and ended up with a course of antibiotics and 2 days mc. Hmmm, for the first time in my life I think I might exhaust my mc quota for the year. That means I am getting more frequently sick. OMG! That's not good. With all my regular exercise and all my supps, I seem not to be any better off!

Went to see my chinese physician in the afternoon. According to him, the whatever(can't remember the term he used) went up to my throat and that caused the soreness. He convinced me totally when he stuck four needles in different areas of my body (three in my tummy, one in the knee).

To my surprise, the sore throat was like 80% gone! Yipeee! The only problem was that when he removed the needles 15 mins later, the sore throat was pretty much back like prior. Anyway, he gave me some medication. We'll see how it goes......

Must We 'Grow Up'?