Chilling

It's nice to chill. I am on leave tomorrow so I am free to chill a little more before I head off to dreamland. Am feeling a little tired though. Hope that helps me sleep a little better tonight. Right now, I am chilling out to some spa music in the background. Always like to feel of such music. The feelings hard to describe. It feels intense emotionally yet relaxing. Yap, I am getting sleepy I think. Actually, I think the flow of thoughts slowly coming. Think this is gonna be a lengthy one......
Couple of things I wanna get done tomorrow. 1) Buy stuff from Neways. 2) Swim in the morning. 3) Practice my dizi at least. 4) Meet Caleb. 5) Attend dizi lesson. It's quite rare that I take leave just to run errands. Try to save some so that I can encash them at the end of the year. Think the highlight of tomorrow will be meeting Caleb. He is a new friend I made from my vocal school. He's teaching piano over there. Got to know him at first through his blog then I started to chat with him from time to time whenever I am there for lessons. He's also a Christian and coincidentally we have the same birthday! Hmmm, seems we have a lot in common. Looking forward.......
Still thinking about what I wanna do in life. Is music all there is? Study? I might be offered to go study next year. Also, my colleague has also bugged me to go study as well. Her reason for me to study? "I don't mind studying with you." :) As much as I do feel flattered by such a statement, I need to really weigh it out. Studying full time means lower income not to mention lesser time for my music staff. I heard that the schedule is quite tight, which probably means schooling in the day and studying at night. That pretty much spells an end for my music. Then again, schooling sounds good as well. It's sure feels good to be able to say that I am a student. Ha! Not to mention being paid while doing it. Hmmm, bond after that means a secure job right? But do I wanna stay on? After these couple of days of incidents happening, I am starting to wonder if I want to stay on in the hospital.
My goodness, I am supposed to be chilling, not THINKING! Not good. Not good. Actually, I can feel my eyelids drooping more and more as I continue typing. But I still got so much to say...... Was reading someone else's blog just now. Oh and I also wanna do massage as well. But will God allow? Will I degenerate? Actually I know the answer quite well. I will. I know my morals will degenerate cos massage is such an intimate thing. There seems to be a connection that goes beyond the physical when I massage someone. Hmmm, how to explain? Yap, I was reading someone else's blog just now. Seems like their lives are so fun and interesting. All the partying and drinking and all that. I suppose that's out for me since I am such an early sleeper. I can imagine while everyone's dancing and drinking, I am at one corner falling asleep like I am doing now. :) This spa music stuff's really working. It's making me sleepy. Feels a little high though I did not drink any alcohol.
Feel like having a drink now but I am too lazy to go out to buy. Don't think its advisable too though. My emotions seem haywire now. Might end up wailing like I did a decade when I mixed too much vodka in my drink. Still remember my mum becoming really frantic after my helper went over to tell her about me wailing. She came over and assured me about how I was doing okay at the point in time. She also told me bout how one of the aunties said that I am doing well. Hmmm, wonder if all that can be said about me now considering I am soon to be 31 and yet I do not seem to be heading anywhere in any area of my life.
When I was in KL, during breakfast the second morning, I suddenly felt that I failed God in my life. After all that He has done in my life, my life does not seem to show any evidence of my reciprocation at all. Have I lived 3 decades to no avail at all? This question will mark the end of this blog. It's 11p.m. and I am fast gone. I shall sleep over this tonight and see if I get any insights in my dreams. Whatever it is, the sad part or joyful part, depending on how you see it, is that life still goes on...... Sweet dreams......

Good night Father
Good night Jesus
Good night world