Yet Again

I know I need to lay it down. Somehow I can't find the strength to. That's an excuse. I think it's fair to say at the heart of it all, I do not want to. I realise the odds are stacked up against me. Way against me. Sometimes logic does not seem to matter. Experience does not seem to matter. Hard knocks do not seem to matter. I find myself coming back to the same choice I had a couple of years ago. And yet again I am leaning towards the wrong choice. I know this choice will not be as devastating as the other time but why even go through it? Am I just a sucker for punishment? Seems like it. Not too sure how much more of such nonsense can I bear.....

Burdened

Feeling kind of weighted down of late. It feels like history could repeat itself all over again. Now, it's a tug of war, again. The slight glimpse of hope which only ends in abject misery and pain. Somehow the pain is inevitable but yet I am almost ready to go at it again. When will I ever learn?