Thursday, June 30, 2011
Hmmmm.......
Something New
Friday, June 24, 2011
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Tough Day
At work that is. It's been a while since I was so stressed at work. It seemed like everything was coming at me at the same time. No one could help me since all the other 3 who could do my work were either on mc or leave. So I was left to my own devices. To make things worse, I was the least experienced among the group of us! There was one patient whom I almost took an hour to check cos it was a new case to me and the patient was seeing the doc who was well known to lose his patience easily. So that added to the stress.
Then on the other hand, there was another patient who needed to make glasses and the mum who was 'niao' wanted me to do it for the patient. So it doesn't pay at times to be the best at what you do, does it? So another colleague had to help me do the glasses whom I was concerned about cos she lacked experience in handling such cases.
So I pretty much went non-stop for the afternoon and even went without my protein! That's taboo man! Then I also had a parent calling to speak to me who was also another 'niao' one. Great way to end a work day ain't it? I ended up doing OT for about an hour and missed my gym session. Thank God I managed to get some of my own stuff done at home tonight. In about a week's time, I will need to sit for a test and I am far from ready for it. Then there is a major audit coming up in august. Seems like there's just so much to do and so little time. Think I really need a break from work. The temptation is there to just take a full year of sabbath next year man. I really feel stretched at this point of time with no reprieve in sight......
Then on the other hand, there was another patient who needed to make glasses and the mum who was 'niao' wanted me to do it for the patient. So it doesn't pay at times to be the best at what you do, does it? So another colleague had to help me do the glasses whom I was concerned about cos she lacked experience in handling such cases.
So I pretty much went non-stop for the afternoon and even went without my protein! That's taboo man! Then I also had a parent calling to speak to me who was also another 'niao' one. Great way to end a work day ain't it? I ended up doing OT for about an hour and missed my gym session. Thank God I managed to get some of my own stuff done at home tonight. In about a week's time, I will need to sit for a test and I am far from ready for it. Then there is a major audit coming up in august. Seems like there's just so much to do and so little time. Think I really need a break from work. The temptation is there to just take a full year of sabbath next year man. I really feel stretched at this point of time with no reprieve in sight......
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Sian
Describes how I am feeling right now. Just went through my judgement day (aka appraisal day) yesterday. Was still hoping to get an above expectation rating, which meant another half month of pay extra. Unfortunately I was disappointed. In a sense, I feel like I do not deserve it since I did not have an exceptional contribution to the clinic last year. Yet, I felt like I deserved it since there will be others who do not do as well or contribute as much and yet will get the same rating.
Anyway, been feeling quite stressed and sian at work of late. Feel like I am busy trying to put out fire and do damage control for others. Kind of tired. Was a little pumped from the trip but now I feel like just 2 days of work have drained me of everything. Of course, it is not solely a work issue. I am also trying to juggle other stuff and challenges in life which have surfaced in an untimely fashion. Would have taken it better if I had a chance to tackle things one at a time instead of all at once.
I realised only today that I have long forgotten 1 Peter 5:7. Now I struggle at the thought God cares about me affectionately and watchfully as well. Need to start meditating on that verse again......
Anyway, been feeling quite stressed and sian at work of late. Feel like I am busy trying to put out fire and do damage control for others. Kind of tired. Was a little pumped from the trip but now I feel like just 2 days of work have drained me of everything. Of course, it is not solely a work issue. I am also trying to juggle other stuff and challenges in life which have surfaced in an untimely fashion. Would have taken it better if I had a chance to tackle things one at a time instead of all at once.
I realised only today that I have long forgotten 1 Peter 5:7. Now I struggle at the thought God cares about me affectionately and watchfully as well. Need to start meditating on that verse again......
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Mum Again
I came to a conclusion recently, that I need to mentally prepare myself whenever I travel with mum. I thought I was mentally prepared this time round but I was wrong. To be fair, I think this trip was punishing for her since my cousin who planned the trip did not really take into consideration my mum's age as well as strength. So my mum was probably tired out most of the time. Then again, it was punishing for me as well having to look out for my mum in more aspects than one. Also, I happened to pack most of my concerns of life with me when I came over when I should have left them at home.
The trips to prayer mountain helped somewhat since it was a time I could get away from mum as well as get some rest myself from the punishing schedules my cousins seem to enjoy. The problem is that as fast as the worries dissipate when I was praying there, they seem to return almost as fast. I remember when I left prayer mountain on Monday, I was feeling really light and easy. Today, I left prayer mountain only slightly better than before I reached.
I know I ought to be more tolerant with mum. And that is what makes me feel even more guilty. I realized I seem to be subconsciously following in my father's footsteps in the way he treated my mum. Mum related to me just yesterday bout my dad was nonchalant towards her on one occasion when she was suffering from food poisoning and had been in and out of the toilet so often. She finally asked for help after some time and the response she received from dad was "I already told you not to take so much chilli so what do you want me to do now?" My very first thought that came to mind was "What a bastard!" Then I slowly realized I too had become nonchalant to mum in many ways. I can imagine her thinking to herself how her life sucked. First it's the husband, now it's the son.
As much as I can try to justify myself, I know I definitely can treat her better. The way to do it, I do not know......
The trips to prayer mountain helped somewhat since it was a time I could get away from mum as well as get some rest myself from the punishing schedules my cousins seem to enjoy. The problem is that as fast as the worries dissipate when I was praying there, they seem to return almost as fast. I remember when I left prayer mountain on Monday, I was feeling really light and easy. Today, I left prayer mountain only slightly better than before I reached.
I know I ought to be more tolerant with mum. And that is what makes me feel even more guilty. I realized I seem to be subconsciously following in my father's footsteps in the way he treated my mum. Mum related to me just yesterday bout my dad was nonchalant towards her on one occasion when she was suffering from food poisoning and had been in and out of the toilet so often. She finally asked for help after some time and the response she received from dad was "I already told you not to take so much chilli so what do you want me to do now?" My very first thought that came to mind was "What a bastard!" Then I slowly realized I too had become nonchalant to mum in many ways. I can imagine her thinking to herself how her life sucked. First it's the husband, now it's the son.
As much as I can try to justify myself, I know I definitely can treat her better. The way to do it, I do not know......
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Traveling With Mum
I know it's just me but sometimes I just find it hard to spend too much time with mum. Her mannerisms, thinking, and philosophies just irk me from time to time. In a sense I am grateful, cos I think she's better than many others. At least that's how I console myself. Knowing that I'll probably be like this one day makes me feel guilty whenever I think about the way or at least the thoughts that go through my mind whenever I communicate with her.
I almost raised my voice last night when I asked her to pass me the address of our hotel when we needed it. She innocently told me she left it back at the hotel. The reason I gave it to her was so that should we lose each other, she could always take a cab back if necessary since both our phones had no network at all. Knowing her, if she ever got lost, she would panic for sure. And since she had been blindly following us without noting any details at all, there was no way she would be able to make her way back. I am willing to bet she doesn't even know the name of the hotel we are staying at presently. So, being the 'considerate' son I was, I passed her the address to keep should an emergency arise, which she left at the hotel. Duh! Worse part is Koreans hardly speak a work of English.
That was only one of the incidents. I think maybe I expect too much out off her. I was at the prayer mountain yesterday and one of my prayers was that I will not treat her like an idiot. I think that was a test from God. Lol. Guess I failed big time. The rapture better come soon man. That will save me a lot of face since I will not grow too old and run the risk of someone writing about my old age in their blog......
I almost raised my voice last night when I asked her to pass me the address of our hotel when we needed it. She innocently told me she left it back at the hotel. The reason I gave it to her was so that should we lose each other, she could always take a cab back if necessary since both our phones had no network at all. Knowing her, if she ever got lost, she would panic for sure. And since she had been blindly following us without noting any details at all, there was no way she would be able to make her way back. I am willing to bet she doesn't even know the name of the hotel we are staying at presently. So, being the 'considerate' son I was, I passed her the address to keep should an emergency arise, which she left at the hotel. Duh! Worse part is Koreans hardly speak a work of English.
That was only one of the incidents. I think maybe I expect too much out off her. I was at the prayer mountain yesterday and one of my prayers was that I will not treat her like an idiot. I think that was a test from God. Lol. Guess I failed big time. The rapture better come soon man. That will save me a lot of face since I will not grow too old and run the risk of someone writing about my old age in their blog......
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Hate This Feeling
Despite the fact I should be feeling excited that I will be heading off to my next holiday, which is practically a fully paid for one, I really feel lousy today. These few weeks have been intense ones, with things going on with work and my personal life.
Work wise, there have been issues popping up and I have seen colleagues become so disturbed by the events that it in turn disturbs me. I have never seen my supervisor cum good friend cry so often in the longest time. Pains me just to see her crack under the pressure coming from without. Worse thing is that most of it has nothing to do with her nor her abilities as a supervisor. People have been unreasonable and she has been the target of it. Sigh......
As for my personal life, the summary of it is...... Life sucks. It's that time of the year again. Father's day. As well as my dad's birthday in July. As you may have realized, I am not exactly a fan of my own father. I made it a point to call dad this morning to wish him an advance happy father's day since I would be away during father's day as well. To my gladness as well as dismay, he was not contactable. In a sense I was glad I did not have to talk to him today. Then again, it could have been over and done with in a jiffy. And so the underlying tone in my mood is that of anguish. Why can't a father and son just sit down and communicate without such feelings? This tone has been really disturbing for the past few days, since I had planned to call since last week. I really hate this. Great, now I am feeling a headache of sorts due to the tension inside. The sad part is that I know I will probably live to regret all these should my dad not be around one day. This year he will be 76 years of age. Yet I still find it a struggle to try to mend the relationship. I really wish to be left alone. Damn it!
Work wise, there have been issues popping up and I have seen colleagues become so disturbed by the events that it in turn disturbs me. I have never seen my supervisor cum good friend cry so often in the longest time. Pains me just to see her crack under the pressure coming from without. Worse thing is that most of it has nothing to do with her nor her abilities as a supervisor. People have been unreasonable and she has been the target of it. Sigh......
As for my personal life, the summary of it is...... Life sucks. It's that time of the year again. Father's day. As well as my dad's birthday in July. As you may have realized, I am not exactly a fan of my own father. I made it a point to call dad this morning to wish him an advance happy father's day since I would be away during father's day as well. To my gladness as well as dismay, he was not contactable. In a sense I was glad I did not have to talk to him today. Then again, it could have been over and done with in a jiffy. And so the underlying tone in my mood is that of anguish. Why can't a father and son just sit down and communicate without such feelings? This tone has been really disturbing for the past few days, since I had planned to call since last week. I really hate this. Great, now I am feeling a headache of sorts due to the tension inside. The sad part is that I know I will probably live to regret all these should my dad not be around one day. This year he will be 76 years of age. Yet I still find it a struggle to try to mend the relationship. I really wish to be left alone. Damn it!
Thursday, June 2, 2011
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