Mum Again

I came to a conclusion recently, that I need to mentally prepare myself whenever I travel with mum. I thought I was mentally prepared this time round but I was wrong. To be fair, I think this trip was punishing for her since my cousin who planned the trip did not really take into consideration my mum's age as well as strength. So my mum was probably tired out most of the time. Then again, it was punishing for me as well having to look out for my mum in more aspects than one. Also, I happened to pack most of my concerns of life with me when I came over when I should have left them at home.

The trips to prayer mountain helped somewhat since it was a time I could get away from mum as well as get some rest myself from the punishing schedules my cousins seem to enjoy. The problem is that as fast as the worries dissipate when I was praying there, they seem to return almost as fast. I remember when I left prayer mountain on Monday, I was feeling really light and easy. Today, I left prayer mountain only slightly better than before I reached.

I know I ought to be more tolerant with mum. And that is what makes me feel even more guilty. I realized I seem to be subconsciously following in my father's footsteps in the way he treated my mum. Mum related to me just yesterday bout my dad was nonchalant towards her on one occasion when she was suffering from food poisoning and had been in and out of the toilet so often. She finally asked for help after some time and the response she received from dad was "I already told you not to take so much chilli so what do you want me to do now?" My very first thought that came to mind was "What a bastard!" Then I slowly realized I too had become nonchalant to mum in many ways. I can imagine her thinking to herself how her life sucked. First it's the husband, now it's the son.

As much as I can try to justify myself, I know I definitely can treat her better. The way to do it, I do not know......