** He Touched Me

I think today will be a day I will remember for a long time to come, hopefully to eternity. 19 Sept 2009. I was at the worship meeting, fulfilling my obligation since it was compulsory for all musicians to attend. Well, at least I thought so till I saw the turn out today. Little did I know that it was more a divine appointment set up by God to intervene in my life. To be frank, I was not at all excited about attending today's meeting. Snoozed a long time in bed and the rain certainly did not help.

The meeting started late as some had yet to arrive. We started with worship which went fine. My worship coach Daniel led in worship with the guitar. Made me wanna seriously go into guitar again. As usual. After that my pastor did some sharing from his heart in regards to worshipping God. One of the points he shared that I wanted to remember was that we are now in like the last 100 m of the marathon. We are coming to the end of the age and Jesus is returning. Another thing he mentioned about was that in churches, the worship team was more likely to fall into pride as well as the intercessary team. So I have been forewarned. Actually I guess I was aware of that but maybe on a subconscious level. I realised that I have been gleaning my self-esteem from being in the worship team rather than from God. So yes, that must change.

After the sharing, Daniel got us to pray for each other and that was when the "highlight" of the day began. First, he came over to pray for me. He prayed for me to experience more of "The Father's" love. Bit by bit, my heart melted. I started to cry a little. My eyes were closed but I could hear that he also started to cry as well. After he prayed for me, I just sat there and continued to cry. The Lord was touching me. It felt really good. It has been a long while since I last experienced this. As I sat there, leaned forward with my eyes closed, I felt a hand over my shoulder. I knew it was my sis. It was confirmed when I heard her praying in tongues beside me. Suddenly, I started crying even more intensely. I felt love from her. I know that she is well aware of the challenges in my life and she was comforting me with her hand on my shoulder. I started to cry so bad that I was crunching. It was crying from deep inside. Wish I knew how to pin it down in words. As I cried more intensely I felt her head over my shoulder. That made it even "worse" so to say. I just could not help myself.

As she returned from leaning on me, I just sat there still in a bending forward position. I saw my pastor just pacing back and forth in front of me. In a sense I sort of expected him to come over to pray for me. But he just continued to pace back and forth. After a while, he sat down beside me. I thought he was just grabbing a seat to get ready for Daniel to make an announcement or something. Next thing I knew, he leaned over and put his hand over my shoulder. And he said something to the effect of "God loves you." THAT was the straw that broke the camel's back so to say. I wailed. And wailed. And I wailed. He was giving me a word. And the word went something like: "Dwell in My (God's) love. It is My Love that will bring you to the destination I have for you. It is not your determination. My gifts and callings are irrevocable. They have never changed. My love for you has never changed. My destination for you has never changed. And it is My love that will give you the motivation and bring you to fulfill My call in your life. See people through My love." All those words brought such comfort to my heart. Even though I was wailing, it was not a sorrowful one but one of release, emotional release. I have hardened my heart so much lately that I needed release. It was such a relief to know that God still cares and that He has not given up on me. I know this in my mind but it was really something else when God spoke through my pastor to me. As I wailed there, I knew that my sis was crying beside me as well cos she knows how pertinent those words were in my life. They were really a word in season.

I would have taken a picture of myself after the intense wailing but I figured that it would scare even the devil himself so I decided to not embarras myself too much. My sis and I came to a conclusion after that that God certainly does not care about how we look outwardly.......