A Relationship I Can Never Enjoy

It seems so right sometimes. I crave for it with all my heart. How could what seemed so right be so wrong? I know it is wrong. God said it so clearly in His word. Wish I could ignore it sometimes. I did and I paid a heavy price for it. Even now I still suffer at times from the remnants of it. It tears me apart every now and then.

What I wanted was a relationship.

What I wanted was not to be alone anymore.

What I wanted was someone whom I could enjoy my successes in life with.

What I wanted was a person I could turn to to tell my deepest secrets.

What I wanted was someone I know I could call when I am down.

What I wanted was to be a part of that person's life so that that person will not have to face life alone.

What I wanted was intimacy.

What I wanted was a smile from that someone whom I know I love and loves me.

What I wanted was the one whom I could play a love song to.

But what I want I cannot get. What can I say? I know God has my best interests at heart. I know that it is because He loves me that is why I cannot have what I desire. Father knows best.

At the altar I lay all my dreams. All that I really desire I lay them at Your feet. I know it isn't easy. You know it better than I do. You feel it stronger than I do. Even though I feel that a part of me has just died surrendering this area of my life to You, it doesn't matter. My life was Yours to give and to take anyway. Had it not been for You stepping into my life some 16 years ago, I don't even know if I would be here at all. For all that You have given me, this is but a small sacrifice. What can be compared to the sacrifice You made when Your only Son died on the cross for me? I surrender, Father. Help me to keep to my decision. Let me never back off from my words Lord. I am weak but You are strong. You are strong in me. Help me walk this road in a way that pleases Your heart till I see You face to face. "Good and faithful servant." Those are the words I long to hear and may I always remember those words when I am tempted to falter, when I am tempted to give up and give in. I may not feel the love for You right now but I think I have proven it by my actions. Love You Dad......