My steps back were especially slow as I headed back from CGH just now. My friend's dad passed away just ten minutes before I reached the hospital. In the afternoon, I received a sms from my friend saying that his dad just had the respirator removed and his condition had stabilized. That came as a relief. Then later in the day, I received another sms. Apparently, the doctor had said that he would not last past tomorrow. I knew I had to go down. When I arrived, I heard my friend's mum wailing away. I thought she was just upset about the verdict given by the doctor till a friend told me he had just 'left' ten minutes ago. My heart broke.
Just hearing her grieving over her husband was enough to break my heart. I went over and looked at the corpse. At first I was okay. Maybe I was half expecting it. Then I sat outside trying to digest what had transpired while they were removing all the tubings from the body. My friend's mum was siting nearby being comforted by her relatives. Then she started singing the song 'Rejoice in the Lord always'. I cried when I heard her sing it. Such strength in the midst of such a crisis. I sat there not knowing what to do next. We prayed. We believed. All that we could do, we did.
Then pastor's wife came. There was one last moment to see the body. They decided to go in to pray for a resurrection. So a couple of them went in while the rest of us stayed outside to intercede. For a long while, there was no activity. So we continued to pray. Then finally, we were all given the chance to take a final look at the body. By that time, I was quite disappointed. Our only hope seemed dashed. I went in and took a final look and left.
On the way back I started to think about the whole incident. I realised that my whole set of beliefs had just crumbled. All that I had believed had just been dashed. Never had I seen such unity in prayer for one single person. Never had I seen such fervency as well. We really were expecting a miracle to happen. What happened in the afternoon was a miracle in the making. Nevertheless, I was disappointed. It really made me wonder if the word failed to manifest in this situation, what makes it a sure thing for other events? I really felt disappointed as well as cheated.
C, if you had a part to play in leaving us, you have been an irresponsible father. Because of this, your son has to take on the responsibility of the man of the house at such a tender age. If you had no part to play in this then you have an irresponsible Father. Seriously, I do not know. I have put my faith out for this. Even though he is dead, I know God can still resurrect the dead. But when do I stop using my faith? When he has been cremated? Even that, I know God can form the body back from ashes. With each new hope, I have felt more disappointment after. How much more can I take? C, given a choice I would trade places with you willingly. You are needed here on Earth way more than I am. Your family needs you badly.
From this incident, I have come to a conclusion on certain things. None of them are good. My sis would always tell me not to make decisions from emotions. So I'll wait a couple of days. Anyway, having downed some vodka sure ain't helping in my decision making. We'll see.......
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