Yap it's one of those days. Thought I'd just let it all out here. It's been a really tough day today. Emotionally, I am so weary from all the frustrations going on inside. I guess it started from last night. Was at the wake of a church friend. While the Pastor was saying her opening prayer, I heard something like a piece of plastic sheet rubbing against something. When I opened my eyes, I realised it was a fellow church acquaintance (note my choice of words) trying to remove the straw of a packet drink from it's wrapper. I suppose the noise of it eluded that person but in that quiet room there were only two sounds audible: one was the Pastor's voice and the other was the plastic wrapper. You can imagine my disgust when I realised who was causing the din. It never fails to amuse me how people can be so insensitive to their surroundings. Seriously, that acquaintance irks me no end. I had to repent cos I seldom have such disgust and despise toward anyone. God had made me publicly apologised to that person once for looking down on that person and at the rate I was going, another public apology was on the way.......
Then there was today. Today's worship practice was a flop for me. For one, the drummer had issue with his playing and he was constantly corrected by my brother. Pity him though. Then there was my playing, on the keyboard. I was so glad when the worship leader, who is a personal friend prepared her songlist almost one week earlier so that I could have sufficient time to practice. I worked hard at it, preparing for the intricate details, listening to the songs over and over again to prepare them. Then today I could not reproduce most of what I practiced. I had to simplify my playing and most of the prepared stuff had to be removed. It was mixed feelings for me cos as much as I took time to prepare them, I had a problem trying to play them when under stress. So to a certain extent it was a relief but I felt it did not do the worship leader justice since she bothered to make sure I was comfortable by sending me the songs early. So I was quite disappointed with myself. Even after much practice, what I could play was miserable. I hated the feeling. I really wanted to quit......
Then there were my 2 nephews whom my brother wanted to tag along with me as I joined the worship leader and her hubby for lunch. We then went to Sushi Tei for lunch. I was so uncomfortable with the 2 brats coming along. Of course, they showed no mercy in ordering their food, since they were sure they were not the ones paying for it. Both wanted salmon roe and other stuff to go along with it. I doubted if the younger knew what it was but he insisted so I went along. But I threatened him that if he did not finish what he ordered I would spank him. Then the older one started to laugh at him and as a result he got a warning as well. Thankfully they both finished the food so I did not have to do what I promised to. In the end I paid for their lunch. Personally I would not even order such stuff for myself and yet I was at the mercy of the 2 brats. Sigh. Then one of them was actually rude to my friend. I shall not go into details before I end up really spanking him tomorrow at church. I realised the 2 of them really bring out the worst in me. During lunch I caught myself telling the older one to "just shut up and eat". So I know at least 3 people in my life who can bring out the 'devil' in me.
Since I have complained so much I suppose I might as well finish all that's on my heart. I paid a visit to a new TCM physician yesterday for my stomach issues. The conclusion was that I was stressed and I was thinking too much. The thinking too much part I fully agree. My sis has been telling me that for the longest time. What was scary was the stressed part. I figured I should have reduced my stress a fair bit of late but apparently it wasn't enough. Great! But then again with such people in my life, I guess it's legitimate to be stressed. Only problem is that I am experiencing the symptoms while they go scot-free! God I really need help man. :(
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