A New Start?

I did something very brave today, or at least I think it is. I deleted J's number from my contact list in my handphone. Took a lot out of me but I finally did it. Not for the first time though. I deleted it once not too long ago. When I realised that I still had J's number under the call list, I immediately restored the number. Not this time though. I was very sure that J's number's not in any list on my phone. So I guess its gone for good. Think it took a lot out of me as well when I deleted all J's smses. Though I have deleted them for quite some time now, snippets of it still linger in my mind. 'The other J', 'Good night', 'I am glad that you spoke to your dad', ...... All the feelings associated with the words still linger around as well.

It's kind of funny. I knew all along that the chances of J ever contacting me again is zilch or at least close to it yet I refused to delete away J's contacts. It's as if it gives me a glimmer of hope leaving the number around somewhere. Anyway, practically all means of contacting J is gone. J is pretty much history, more so physically than mentally and emotionally. As I was ending the day at work, was feeling super lonely again. Came back feeling depressed. Good thing I managed to make progress in my piano so that took away some attention. Actually I can remember a mandarin song that very much fits what I was feeling not too long ago. It was sung by 张惠妹. The title is called 真實.



 Somehow the lyrics seem to fit very much my feelings. Anyway, I am feeling very much better now, so I shall not go in that direction anymore. Till the next time,......