I Miss J, again

Hmmm, I thought guys are logical minded. Either I am not quite guy enough or I was wrong. So wrong. It's been at least a month since J started to ignore me and I hardly feel my feelings for J waning much at all. OMG, how long am I going to be tortured and punished for my mistake? Is it fair for me to bear all this? I choose to think and believe that it was also difficult for J to come to a decision to end our friendship. Afterall, I am quite a nice person, I think. :) Logically, to move on with life should not be too difficult considering that it was a slightly shorter than 2 week friendship. Why have I become so emotionally attached to a person in 2 weeks? 2 WEEKS!

Can we reverse time? Can we go back to the day we just met? Can we just go back to the enjoyable conversations over the phone? Can we just go back to the simple dinner at the club? Can we forgo expectations over each other? Why could I not see that earlier? Why could I not let certain issues go since they were not even comparable to the friendship J & the other J (me) were starting to forge? What happened to being the first person to try out J's game? What happened to practicing sax together? What happened to coming over to my place to hang out when my reno is done? What happened to going to see Da Vinci exhibition together? What happened to going to the movies together? What happened to going to Taiwan together? What happened to having lunch together? What happened?

Needless to say, it's all over, at least to J. For me, I wish I could say the same but my emotions would far from agree. For the last 4 weeks I really had to force myself not to contact or 'harass' J anymore. I smsed once to explain myself. I also called once but the call was not answered. That was all. Tried to put myself in J's shoes. Don't think I would like to be contacted ever again by someone whom I wanna have nothing to do with. So I endured and I endured. I surprised myself that I could hold out so long. Am tempted again to contact J but I will resist. As much as I feel unjustified and frustrated, I can only wish J all the best. This is the right thing to do......