Not too sure if I like it but God seems to be closing all to the doors to what I am seeking for. I know that there are a number praying earnestly for me and God is not about to let me go. I guess that's where the turmoil is. I wish on one hand God would just let me be. But I know that I cannot see an end to where this road leads. God sees it and He sure does not want me down this path. Why am I so stubborn? Why do I choose to hurt those who love me the most? My colleague whom I told my problem, asked me out for lunch yesterday just to talk to me. She was not pushy. She knew that it not was the answer. After our talk, she assured me of our friendship. What can I say? I am such a jerk. I know she is praying for me as well.
When I told one of my army friends last week during dinner, he was shocked at first but he finally dropped me a note to assure me of our friendship. Hmmm, seems like it really takes a disaster to make me realise who are my friends.
I am shaken inside. Should I just yield myself and completely trust God that He knows best? But what about my needs? My emotional needs? My physical needs?
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