Guilty Conscience

I tried my best to stare straight into her eyes but I really found it tough. I had just showed my colleague cum friend the video I had posted earlier about Jaslyn Tay and her wedding video. She was touched by it I could tell. After that she turned around and told me God also has the best plan for me. I was a little taken aback. Had I known such a response would come about, I might not have shown her the vid in the first place.

But she was right and we both knew it. Under normal circumstances I would be able to stare at anyone in the eyes till the extent they become uncomfortable. But this time it was me on the receiving end. My heart had been so hardened to this truth I do not seem to believe it anymore. Then she emphasized her point again. For some reason, I knew I should continue to look her in the eyes. Maybe doing so would convince her I do agree with what she said. Or maybe it would give a front that I do not have a problem with that at all. But it was really tough. It's as if I had committed some heinous crime and standing in front of a judge or what.

In a sense I have. Having walked with God all these years and having seen all He has done for me and showered me with, I find it difficult to surrender this area of my life to Him. She then said another thing which sent chills down my spine. She said that I should surrender my life to Him and for all I know I would become Anthony number 2. Anthony was our supervisor who is a very staunch believer. He has left us to pursue some theological studies. Having spent a number of years under him, I am convinced he is one of the most exemplary in Christian living I have ever witnessed. So hearing what my colleague mention about me being Anthony 2 sure did not sit well with me. Just get me through the day having thought of God a couple of times would already be a breakthrough for me.

Having gone through all these emotions I know for sure this is one area I need to resurrect in. I start to see the wisdom in: "God gives His best to those who trust Him." Think I really have a looooooong way to go. Thank God He has not given up on me.

"Hold my hand Lord......"