I am concerned about my coming birthday. Feeling the "xianess" or maybe loneliness creeping up on me slowly but surely. I did something which I had to fight hard against but finally gave into last night. I tried to find out how J was doing. As much as I realise all is in the past, a side of me still wants to salvage the relationship, however impossible it may seem. Sigh, I hate the idea of not being able to fully enjoy my birthday and from the looks of it, every year might be something like this.
Well, since I am gonna suffer during this season, I have decided to do some serious retail therapy this coming saturday. First, I shall go for a hair cut. Then I shall go and shop for shoes. Then I shall go buy myself a mac book pro. Let's see what else I can do. Maybe squeeze in a massage? The neat thing about all these is not so much the items bought. It is the fact that I am only left with 200 for this month to spend. Ain't that exciting????? I don't know. I think life has become so monotonous that I need to seek such thrill. Did I mention that I desperately need help?
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