Worship Retreat 2016

It was great working with some peeps from the worship team to bring about our church worship retreat for this year. Actually, my usual lazy self would have declined helping with the retreat or any camp for that matter. But my worship buddies Amos and Hannah were in the committee this year and so I decided to help when they asked me. No regrets. Other than being part of the committee I also led worship during the second day. It really felt like I went into another realm of leading worship. For the fact that I so seldom lead worship it really amazes me when that happens. Somehow God is still holding on to me despite me. He really is faithful.....

Christmas Gift

It really felt nice when I received this gift from a colleague last Christmas. Think the note really made my day. Nice to know someone appreciates the effort I put into looking good. :)

That Must Have Hurt!

Saw this paper clip while peeing a couple of days ago. I know it must have been thrown in the bowl but I imagined if it wasn't. Guess it would have hurt A LOT!

My Inspiration

 I find myself very often despondent at my circumstances in life. Life often seem hopeless despite the fact I belong to and serve an almighty God. Think that sometimes make the situation worse since my life far from depicts the life I believe God has in store for me. The disparity between faith and reality seems to tear on the inside of me all the time. Then at times I come across videos and testimonies that bring hope in life. The above is one such video. Up till now, I still cannot understand why certain things are the way they are, but it's definitely inspiring to see people keep an attitude of faith and hope despite.

Father while I do not understand why many things are the way they are, I ask you to help me live and react the way you would have me to, the way that pleases Your heart. Thank you Father......

Drums at St Paul's

It's been the longest time since I got to play drums in a church setting. I was kind of apprehensive cos the last time I played in church I really struggled. I felt very pressured and stressed. As a result, I decided to take a hiatus from drums for the time being. So when Daniel asked me to play, I was kind of reluctant. But I agreed cos it was also Ian's last session with us at St Paul's. So I decided to just go ahead though I felt totally unprepared for this. Thank God Daniel was really patient with me and really helpful as well. Really calmed my nerves a lot when I played with his leading.

That's Ian, a really good boy. Gonna miss him when he goes to Aus with his parents......

Kung Fu Panda 3

I was told by a couple of colleagues this sequel was not as enjoyable as the previous one. A colleague mentioned that she preferred Zootopia cos it was more meaningful. So I was a little apprehensive about the movie prior. But I was glad after watching it that I enjoyed it almost as much as the previous ones. As much as I prefer to watch 'brainless' movies, I think this stuck with me from the movie. The truth about being yourself. For those who have not caught it yet, part of Po's task was to teach his people Kung Fu to protect themselves. Finally, instead of trying to teach them a set of Kung Fu skills, he ended up having them learn and adopt Kung Fu according to their natural strengths, being themselves.

That stuck with me. For most of life, I feel like I've been trying to be like someone, to act like and to feel like them. I wanna look like this person. If only I could have that kind of physique. If only I could sound like that. If only I had that kind of features. If only I had that range of voice. And the list goes on and on. Someone once said," when you try to be like someone, you'll only end up second best." How true. Unfortunately I really struggle with this. I sometimes envy how a friend can be so secure in his skinny frame and still exude such confidence. Guess it's a journey for me although it's taking awfully long to get through this one. 😆

My First Ride in A Porsche

My brother-in-law was really thoughtful to give me a ride in his Porsche a couple of nights ago. I've been bugging my sis to drive me in the car since I found out her hubby had bought it. It was really more for the experience than anything. I can remember when I started out in my career a sports car would have been a goal to own one fine day, especially if my investments worked out. So obviously my investments never quite worked out the way I would have it. ;) Sad story aside, the offer was great since I had an especially tough day at work that particular day. So after dinner, I happily walked with my bro-in-law and my nephew to the car.

It was a struggle to get into the car since the car was so darn low. It felt kind of strange since I could not see the rest of the cars at eye level, which was kind of an irony since I thought the more expensive car should be 'looking down' on the cheaper cars instead. ;) And so we drove off. It was kind of noisy since we had the windows down. But the acceleration was cool though there was not much opportunity to do so since the roads were particularly crowded that night. It was a great chat with bro as he explained to be the difference between Porsche and other cars. Never knew there was a car with engines at the back and storage at the front! Yep, cars were never quite my thing. ;)

He decided to send my nephew home first before dropping me since we were staying quite close together. Guess he probably thought I would have more time to enjoy the ride. Actually I enjoyed the time spent with him more than the ride. He's such a positive influence to be around. Will probably write about him some time soon. Well, we finally reached my place. As we approached, he commented it would have been nice had I been dropped at the place (person) I would have wanted to impress. Haha. Anyway, thanks Bernard for the ride......

What I need right now

It does feel depressing to have much to say, yet have no one to talk to. Even when I spend time with my buddies, I feel the need to refrain from being too negative in my output. It's like life is already depressive enough, why do I want to dampen someone else's mood with my depressing thoughts and conversation. Sometimes I do not need solutions. I just need a listening ear. An unbiased listening ear. Just let me groan. Let me scream. Let me weep. Just be there while I do all that. Accept me for who I am and what I do, even when they don't fit what you think is norm. Humor me by just being there to listen to me. I know you may not agree with my philosophy in life but just be there and listen.  It's okay we don't share similar religious beliefs. It's okay we don't have the same upbringing. It's okay we are not in the same station in life. It's really okay.

Plans For Next Year

This year's mission trip took on a different twist when I found myself contemplating on what I want to do for 2015. Been really tired out by work and kind of feel like my time at my present workplace is coming to an end. Even though the workload is not even near my peak previously, the grace seems to be eluding me. I took the time during the 1 week trip to really think about what I want to do and I seem to have come to a conclusion: to leave. So I have decided to tender my resignation on the 2nd of January 2015. An idea also came for me to spend about a month in Chang Mai to really chill and recuperate. At first I thought of spending it at an orphanage at a rural area which I spent a couple of nights at during the trip. It was a simple house with simple amenities. No air-conditioning, only fans. Simple food since the Pastor who runs it has limited resources. Then I thought of spending the mouth at the Chang Mai city instead. Found a service apartment which has a pool as well as a gym. Being the spoiled brat I am, the city seems like a far better idea..... Well, maybe I should do both...... We'll see.......

Think I'm Back

Can't believe the last post I did was January 2013! That's like one and a quarter year ago. It never fails to amaze me how time seems to whisk by so quickly. I was on my way back from Chang Mai earlier this evening and was contemplating on resurrecting this blog, yet again. I guess I do not have many other outlets for my emotions other than through this blog. I guess this might be a good thing to do once again, so I can keep track of my journey along the way. So much has transpired just in a year alone I am just beyond words. Now, the challenge is to find consistency and discipline to start again and continue with it. God, help......

Hope

 
 Romans 15:13 - Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. (NASB)

I must admit I started 2013 with a sense of hopelessness. Thinking about it, I believe the worst emotion to ever have is hopelessness. What meaning is there to life when a person does not feel any hope at all? I guess it is fair to say one of the main reasons why people contemplate suicide is because of hopelessness? Thank God I have not arrived at that stage yet, though I do feel like I am edging towards it from time to time. One day, I started to meditate on the verse above cos I felt that life is not meant to be lived without any sense of hope. Thank God He started to minister life to me from that verse. Now there's still hope life can be fulfilling and meaningful......

2013?

I find it hard to be excited about coming into a new year. After doing it for 34 years, I seriously do not understand how people can be so excited about the new year. Having said that, I can understand why people yearn for the new year. I guess to some, it means a new start. It means psychologically being able to bury the past year and to start afresh. It's a clean slate of sorts. Unfortunately for me, I have become paranoid and less hopeful for the new year since I blow up every year like I do the previous. It's sad I know but somehow the saying seems to hold true: Do not hope and then you won't be disappointed...... My apologies for such a negative blog start to 2013. Just wanted to pen down my thoughts, however negative they may be.

I think this is the first year I do not have any resolutions. It has finally dawned on me the worthlessness of new year resolutions since I do not accomplish them at all. So am I a year wiser finally? No doubt resolutions bring about a sense of hope of change. I guess it just does not work for me. I can just see the whole year ahead: work, home, friends, work, home, friends,...... I think I need a jot of sorts to wake me up. Somebody just slap me please.....

Lessons from Movies: Wreck-It Ralph

I decided to watch a less violent movie since my intake of movies of late have been pretty violent. Thought I'd fast a little from such movies and go for something more "clean". Also, I was accompanied by a 15 year old so all the more I figured I should catch something less polluting to the 15 year old mind. And thus, I ended up with 'Wreck-It Ralph'. No regrets cos it was one of the better movies I have caught of late. I love watching cartoons, especially Disney ones since the good guys will always win and the bad guys always die. Guess that philosophy fits my ideal view of life, which of course ain't practical or real at all. But I am hopeful......

The story is about a 'bad' guy (Ralph) in a computer game who is sick of being the bad guy who destroys things (thus came about the movie title) and decides to become good. As a result of that, he ends up ruining another game world because he decides to leave his in order to get a medal so he could get the recognition he wanted. He meets a girl who was condemned because she was a glitch in another game and helps her to win in her game which finally restored her to her original position, a princess. So he ends up being a hero and in the midst of it learns to be content in being the 'bad' guy in his game in order to keep the game going.

I really enjoyed the humor of the cartoon  a lot. It also reminded me of what the apostle Paul spoke about in the book of Corinthians in which every part of the body of Christ has something to contribute, no matter how big or small it may seem.

Think I'll probably get the DVD when it comes out. It's definitely worth collecting......

Things I Am Thankful For

My Pastor spoke today of ending the year knowing and entering the new year sowing.  He mentioned about taking time to reflect back on things you are thankful to God for 2012. As much as I feel 2012 has been a tough year, I am still thankful for a couple of things:

1) My sis. Don't know how I would have made it without her. Thankful for someone (other than God) who really believes the best of me (though I don't) and loves me unconditionally.

2) Lydia. Someone who has proven to me I have the capacity and ability to love again. Though it is impossible for us to come together as a couple, I am thankful our paths crossed this year......

3) Daniel. Another person who has crossed my path this year and someone I appreciate. Though our personalities differ a lot, I still love him as a friend......

4) Coming closer as a family. It was nothing short of a miracle the day we (dad, sis, her hubby, dad's wife) sat down together for a meal. The food was superb but paled compared to the fact that sis and her hubby were conversing with dad.

5) I went to Tung Ling. As much as I felt my original purpose for going was not fulfilled, I have really met some quality friends whom hopefully I will keep for a lifetime......

Am I back?

I endeavored not to post any negative or 'too negative' writings on my blog. Maybe that's why I have not written anything for so long. Took me a while to come to this but I feel I really need somewhere to release my thoughts and feelings however negative they may be...... Whether I like it or not, my life is such for now. And to deny the negatives in my life seems as wrong as only posting the 'good' stuff, knowing well that life is made up of both good and bad.

I guess there are a couple of reasons why I tried not to post unhappy or 'unglam' moments in my life. One of them is that I am afraid of being vulnerable. I have reserved this state of being to my closest of friends and kin. Only they can know the truth about me and yet love and accept me as I am, really am. Next reason I suppose is because of testimony sake. It's kind of obvious from the title of this blog that I am a Christian and I am concerned about what people might think of Christianity or Jesus because of my revelations of myself through writing.

I think I have come to a juncture in life where a lot of things don't quite matter anymore. A lot of my philosophies of my life and faith have been challenged and utterly blown to smithereens in this journey called life. And I find that I am left with pretty much nothing right at this moment. Nothing.....

Conclusion? Yes. I will write once again, hopefully without restraint. I will try to be most honest to my blog and my God cos I know both my blog and God will listen without prejudice and bias. I am back, I am back......

Meet Chinese Lady

Just saw this ad while I was searching up an online dictionary. Seriously, I do not think Chinese girls would warm my soul, or anyone else for that matter......

Hillsong Conference Part 1

 

Just came back last night from my Hillsong Conference. It was a really good trip to say the least. Here are just some of the photos and videos I took during the trip. Hung out with a crazy bunch from the Hillsong College. The video explains itself.

Yet Again

I know I need to lay it down. Somehow I can't find the strength to. That's an excuse. I think it's fair to say at the heart of it all, I do not want to. I realise the odds are stacked up against me. Way against me. Sometimes logic does not seem to matter. Experience does not seem to matter. Hard knocks do not seem to matter. I find myself coming back to the same choice I had a couple of years ago. And yet again I am leaning towards the wrong choice. I know this choice will not be as devastating as the other time but why even go through it? Am I just a sucker for punishment? Seems like it. Not too sure how much more of such nonsense can I bear.....

Burdened

Feeling kind of weighted down of late. It feels like history could repeat itself all over again. Now, it's a tug of war, again. The slight glimpse of hope which only ends in abject misery and pain. Somehow the pain is inevitable but yet I am almost ready to go at it again. When will I ever learn?

Heartless Me

I think I am perfectly capable of being totally heartless when I am in a bad mood. Was checking the eyes of a foreign worker involved in an accident with the eye. Usually such workers will try to fake their situation to be much worse in order to claim money for it. One way they do so is to claim they cannot see anything during the tests. So after exposing a number of them, I usually approach them with a negative attitude. To add to this, I had a movie appointment cancelled yesterday and that had a spillover today.

Before I even started my tests, he was already in tears. It was funny cos it did not move me at all. Much to my credit I found out later he does it all the time during his visits to us. During the first test I already saw signs he could see better than what he claimed. So the rest of the journey was to expose the lies of a man who was not honest with his eyes.

It was unfortunate I could not prove much after the first test. It seems like he knew exactly what to expect from and to answer me. So I went away rather disappointed. I was chatting with his doctor after that and the crappiest and most heartless idea came to mind. I suggested to scare him with the possibility of removing his eye since he could not see through it anyway. The doctor laughed but I was serious. Of course we were not gonna do it but I figured if he really was lying about his vision he would definitely resist against the idea of removing the eye. But anyway, the point of the whole story is to illustrate this point: DON'T MESS WITH ME WHEN I AM IN A BAD MOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!