Hope

 
 Romans 15:13 - Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. (NASB)

I must admit I started 2013 with a sense of hopelessness. Thinking about it, I believe the worst emotion to ever have is hopelessness. What meaning is there to life when a person does not feel any hope at all? I guess it is fair to say one of the main reasons why people contemplate suicide is because of hopelessness? Thank God I have not arrived at that stage yet, though I do feel like I am edging towards it from time to time. One day, I started to meditate on the verse above cos I felt that life is not meant to be lived without any sense of hope. Thank God He started to minister life to me from that verse. Now there's still hope life can be fulfilling and meaningful......

2013?

I find it hard to be excited about coming into a new year. After doing it for 34 years, I seriously do not understand how people can be so excited about the new year. Having said that, I can understand why people yearn for the new year. I guess to some, it means a new start. It means psychologically being able to bury the past year and to start afresh. It's a clean slate of sorts. Unfortunately for me, I have become paranoid and less hopeful for the new year since I blow up every year like I do the previous. It's sad I know but somehow the saying seems to hold true: Do not hope and then you won't be disappointed...... My apologies for such a negative blog start to 2013. Just wanted to pen down my thoughts, however negative they may be.

I think this is the first year I do not have any resolutions. It has finally dawned on me the worthlessness of new year resolutions since I do not accomplish them at all. So am I a year wiser finally? No doubt resolutions bring about a sense of hope of change. I guess it just does not work for me. I can just see the whole year ahead: work, home, friends, work, home, friends,...... I think I need a jot of sorts to wake me up. Somebody just slap me please.....

Lessons from Movies: Wreck-It Ralph

I decided to watch a less violent movie since my intake of movies of late have been pretty violent. Thought I'd fast a little from such movies and go for something more "clean". Also, I was accompanied by a 15 year old so all the more I figured I should catch something less polluting to the 15 year old mind. And thus, I ended up with 'Wreck-It Ralph'. No regrets cos it was one of the better movies I have caught of late. I love watching cartoons, especially Disney ones since the good guys will always win and the bad guys always die. Guess that philosophy fits my ideal view of life, which of course ain't practical or real at all. But I am hopeful......

The story is about a 'bad' guy (Ralph) in a computer game who is sick of being the bad guy who destroys things (thus came about the movie title) and decides to become good. As a result of that, he ends up ruining another game world because he decides to leave his in order to get a medal so he could get the recognition he wanted. He meets a girl who was condemned because she was a glitch in another game and helps her to win in her game which finally restored her to her original position, a princess. So he ends up being a hero and in the midst of it learns to be content in being the 'bad' guy in his game in order to keep the game going.

I really enjoyed the humor of the cartoon  a lot. It also reminded me of what the apostle Paul spoke about in the book of Corinthians in which every part of the body of Christ has something to contribute, no matter how big or small it may seem.

Think I'll probably get the DVD when it comes out. It's definitely worth collecting......

Things I Am Thankful For

My Pastor spoke today of ending the year knowing and entering the new year sowing.  He mentioned about taking time to reflect back on things you are thankful to God for 2012. As much as I feel 2012 has been a tough year, I am still thankful for a couple of things:

1) My sis. Don't know how I would have made it without her. Thankful for someone (other than God) who really believes the best of me (though I don't) and loves me unconditionally.

2) Lydia. Someone who has proven to me I have the capacity and ability to love again. Though it is impossible for us to come together as a couple, I am thankful our paths crossed this year......

3) Daniel. Another person who has crossed my path this year and someone I appreciate. Though our personalities differ a lot, I still love him as a friend......

4) Coming closer as a family. It was nothing short of a miracle the day we (dad, sis, her hubby, dad's wife) sat down together for a meal. The food was superb but paled compared to the fact that sis and her hubby were conversing with dad.

5) I went to Tung Ling. As much as I felt my original purpose for going was not fulfilled, I have really met some quality friends whom hopefully I will keep for a lifetime......

Am I back?

I endeavored not to post any negative or 'too negative' writings on my blog. Maybe that's why I have not written anything for so long. Took me a while to come to this but I feel I really need somewhere to release my thoughts and feelings however negative they may be...... Whether I like it or not, my life is such for now. And to deny the negatives in my life seems as wrong as only posting the 'good' stuff, knowing well that life is made up of both good and bad.

I guess there are a couple of reasons why I tried not to post unhappy or 'unglam' moments in my life. One of them is that I am afraid of being vulnerable. I have reserved this state of being to my closest of friends and kin. Only they can know the truth about me and yet love and accept me as I am, really am. Next reason I suppose is because of testimony sake. It's kind of obvious from the title of this blog that I am a Christian and I am concerned about what people might think of Christianity or Jesus because of my revelations of myself through writing.

I think I have come to a juncture in life where a lot of things don't quite matter anymore. A lot of my philosophies of my life and faith have been challenged and utterly blown to smithereens in this journey called life. And I find that I am left with pretty much nothing right at this moment. Nothing.....

Conclusion? Yes. I will write once again, hopefully without restraint. I will try to be most honest to my blog and my God cos I know both my blog and God will listen without prejudice and bias. I am back, I am back......