What Now, Brown Cow?

Feeling kind of low right now. Thinking of the meaning of life. Most will call it mid life crisis. Whatever I call it, the feeling's the same. There seems to be nothing to life but mere existence. Maybe I need a partner. Someone to distract me from facing this emptiness inside. The thought of me going through this year after year sounds really scary. This is certainly not what I want to live for. How long can I take this? I do not know. The temptation's there to go out and buy Buffy season 4 onwards. Think I can buy a little time with it. Maybe more Wii games. But what after that? In my life of trying to search for significance, I know when all these die down, the emptiness is still audible.

Sometimes knowing too much is not a good thing. It brings with it more responsibility. What makes it scarier is when you know what needs to be done but you do not have the strength nor the motivation to do it. So what is the conclusion? I do not know. All I know now is to do what I need to and want to do and see what happens next. So next, gym!

Hmmmm should I go?

Having second thoughts about going to Israel next year. Thinking about the financial part. If I do go, I would have to start saving now. Sigh, we'll see......

Back To Gymming

Think I surprised myself this time round when I realised I have not been to the gym for about a month already. Been using the excuse of my reno to skip gym sessions. Now that I am pretty much done with most of the packing, I have made the decision to hit the gym again tomorrow. Also need to start on my instruments as well. Arrrrghh, so much stuff to do, so little time and worse, no motivation!

A Joyous Occasion

Actually two to be exact. One, my best friend has officially become a father, as of yesterday. Wish his baby would have waited another 12 days to pop out. Then it would have been great. We can celebrate our birthdays together! Maybe not. I do not need another reminder every year that I am 32 years older than my best friend's son. Okie, we'll keep it as 2nd Nov then. I feel much better that way. ;)

Okay, second joyous occasion. I have been having dinner consistently with my mum! Yipeee! I know to most this would have been a given. But to me, it's a really big thing. My sis used to say me and my mum live together in a 6 room bungalow. Though we only live in a 3 room flat, it almost seems like it. Usually, mum would eat in her own room and I would eat whenever it's convenient for me. So we almost never ate together. During the reno, I made a resolution I would eat with her as often as I can and it has come to pass. In fact mum, me and maid would eat together quite often during the week. Now, the next would be dad. :( Oooops!

Hmmm

It's been a while since I last blogged. Been busy packing up my room post reno. It's amazing how much rubbish I have gathered through the years. Yet, I find it had to throw most of them away. Thinking back I really am grateful to God for all He has provided to me. If you asked me whether in the natural I could have all the things I am enjoying presently, I would have to tell you I can't. When I am totally done, I will post up some pics of my now furnished room. I love it.

Recounting God's goodness in regards to my present room, I recalled an incident my pastor shared some time ago. He recounted his life and talked about all that he desired, God gave to him. But he realised one thing after. All the satisfaction and fulfillment he thought "things" would bring to him did not deliver. I think I am realising the same thing. Despite my beautiful room, hotel-like toilet, 40-inch LED TV, Wii, etc, I realised it hardly brings me any excitement or thrill compared to last time.

I figure I have been through so much in life many "things" do not seem to matter anymore. As much as I am grateful being to have all these without going into a lifestyle of debt, it is really starting to dawn on me I want something more than material things. The next thing I can shoot for will be a car, but judging from the present circumstances, I will still feel as empty with or without a car. Of course, since I will feel the same way in either circumstances I would choose to feel empty with a car. ;) Smart right?

I hope I am starting to grow in wisdom. I can concur with the wise king Solomon who declared,: " Vanity, all is vanity." So what next, Lord?