You Must Watch This!

I think I sometimes belittle myself too much. These girls definitely do not have such a problem......

The Vampiric Side Of Me

Thanks to Edward Cullen (the vampire with a super pale face in Twilight Series), I do not feel so bad after looking at some of the photos below. Nonetheless I must admit I did get a fright when I first saw one of them.

Warning: Frightening Scenes. Please do not look at them if you are fainthearted, have a history of heart attack or are easily frightened. ;)

Think the last 2 photos creep me out the most......

 

I Am In Trouble, Am I?

I made it to lifegroup, late though. But I am  proud of myself, I think. I knew I had to make it somehow, considering how erratic my emotions have been of late. hmmm, reminds me of the weather......

I know it definitely has done me some good though in the natural I may beg to differ. For one, I just could not get my mind of J as I made my way towards my destination. I keep thinking back to the little 'good nights' I would sms J, anticipating J's response. It was also during one lifegroup night last July that the isunderstanding sparked off. Even as I was worshiping God, I could feel my heart ache inside as I thought about J. The feeling was torturing.



My leader was sharing about the rapture of the church and how it brings hope to the believer. When he asked me about how I felt, I could only say was that the only thing that I was glad about the rapture is that it (all the bad stuff) will soon be over. One of the lifegroup members was excited and sharing about what God was speaking to him while he was at the prayer mountain in Korea. To be frank, I was totally detached from the whole conversation. What he said made sense, yet I was like in a totally different frequency. I just could not 'hear' what he was saying. Not too sure if I am making sense here. But as usual, I took my leave at 1030, since I was already tired, not to mention losing my attention span. So here I am, siting here blogging away and wondering if maybe my conscience is just too seared to hear anything anymore. Anyway, will leave that hanging for a while. Too tired to think right now......

Starting Over

I think one of the hardest thing in life is to start all over. Sometimes things have been the way they are for so long and having something there seems better than not having anything at all. If only the human mind can be formatted as easily as the computer harddisk. Select what you do not want, right click and click on the 'delete' option. Voila! You got it done. Want some nice stuff? Just install it in. Cut and paste. Simple! Unfortunately life does not seem to be as simple. It really takes effort, time and discipline to get rid of the old stuff and to add new ones. All of which I am not willing to put in at the moment, having become so lazy of late. Then there are the excuses that I am no longer that young. 'It just takes too much out of me,' and so on.

Despite the fact that the trip to Kk was really tough on me, I learnt that the human capability is almost limitless. So many times I wanted to give up during the climb to the peak. I dragged myself about ten to twenty steps and I had to take a five minute break. This went on for most part of the climb of the peak. All the verses about 'I can do all things through Christ' and 'God has given ne a spirit of power, love and sound mind' were my incantations during the arduous climb. Guess what? I did make it, despite my ever so great desire to give up and take a rest. So, at the end of the day, I suppose a lot of things depend more of where we want to or not, rather we can do or not. Trust me. That brings no comfort at all. It just emphasizes the fact that my well-being depends very much on ME.

Kk Part 2 More Nice Pics

Kk part 1

I need to thank my climbing buddies who had been gracious enough to share their photos with me. As you may know, I happened to have 'lost' my cameras in Kk during my descend. But anyway, here are some of the scenic photos which I quite like. Some were from my handphone camera as well......

Here We Go Again

Was quite proud of myself that I managed to do all or almost all I wanted to do prior to reaching home. Had my chemical peel done. Collected my shoes, left another pair for repair. Everything went great till I walked my usual path home from amk central. Then it happened. I saw a car. I saw a white car. I saw a white mazda car. I saw a white mazda 2 car. Glanced at the car plate and it seemed familiar. At least the SJC portion was. I looked up and I saw J. Quick glance though. But the timing, the plate letters all seemed right. Sigh. At first I thought I was okay but that feeling slowly but surely creeped back on me. The subtle memories started to trickle into my already flooded mind. Argh! Was so tempted to walk back to J's block to wait and say hi or something. Well, I amaze myself at how stubborn I can get sometimes. Anyway, I made it back home without doing anything foolish. Just that now I am suffering from my heartaches again. I suppose anything can be gotten used to right? This will probably be one of them......

Getting My Life In Order, Slowly

As time passes from my return from Kk, I find myself trying to kick my life back into gear again. Tough, but I think I'll make it. Managed to start my gym routine on Monday from an almost 3 week forced break. So glad I managed to get back into action. Touched my dizi for the first time in a long long while. Also read a couple of pages from a book I bought about reflexology and accupressure many years back. There you see! Progress! Let's see if I can continue like this. I REALLY need to change my life and lifestyle......

Thinking

As usual, I got into my thinking mode today. Sometimes I dread it cos it tends to make me feel worse than better. But what's a brain made for right? So here goes,......

Am thinking about my life of late. I am 32 this year and I feel like I really have not accomplished much thus far. I had about a decade to build my career and I feel I have not achieved much in it. Be it monetary or in terms of satisfaction. Okay, maybe I exagerrated a little when it comes to the satisfaction part. I do enjoy serving my clients, especially when I realise that they do appreciate my efforts as well as my knowledge in my field of expertise. Monetary wise I am not too contented though. Yar, I think 'contented' is the apt word to use. Though my pay is not as high as my contemperaries, I am pretty comfortable if I am not in my shopaholic mode. Actually I find it difficult to draw the line since the bible clearly states that with a roof and clothing we are to be content. And the fact is that I have not been managing my finances the way which glorifies God. So even if I earn more. it simply means spending more, and on things which do not make for life.

Actually looking back I have had ample oppurtunities to be decently rich by now. But I had been too lazy and ill disciplined to manage the finances well. Now I find it hard to start all over be it in my finances or other aspects of my life. I think I need more than just a pep talk to kick back into gear. Oh God. God? Err anybody up there? I have been procrastinating for the longest time. So many things I wanna do but I have not started on any. Think I am pretty much just rotting away till Jesus returns. I got a feeling I'll be the most miserable person when Jesus comes back. Knowing so much, yet having done so little. It might have been better to have lived for the world first till nearer Jesus' return get saved than to live all this while feeling a sense of guit and condemnation and yet still not live for God. Dilemmas! So glad its church tomorrow. Wonder what God will say tomorrow to me. I really need to be shaken up......

Walking With Him

Bumped into a friend whom I knew from my teenage years in Teenzeal in NCC. It was a pleasant surprise. Unfortunately I only had a brief moment with her cos I needed to attend to another patient. I asked if she was still attending NCC and she answered no but added that she was still in contact with some friends there. Made me wonder if she is still attending church now. Though she did not give me a direct answer, I sort of figured it out. I think the answer is no. Hope I am just being paranoid. Bumped into another friend from FCBC last time and he is no longer attending church now. No, I am not judgemental over them. Sometimes I myself feel that though I am in church, yet I am not there. Just wondering how some can keep the fervor and faith after many long years......

My Cameras

Just received news from my last source that my cameras could not be found. Sad. But I am still hoping. Hoping that some kind soul would come across them and get them returned somehow. It's not so much the cameras but more the photos I yearn for. We'll see.

Cameras! Be Found In Jesus' Name!

I AM BACK!

Hmmm. Loads of experiences. Loads of thoughts. Wanna put up my photos. Trust me I have some REALLY beautiful ones but I might have lost both my cameras there. But I am praying and believing that they shall be found in Jesus' name. For now, I am gonna get some rest. Am really tired, to say the least. Zzzzzzzzz......

Ready To Go. Maybe Not.

So here I am at 1:15 pm, getting ready to go. Can tell from my face I am still kind of tired. But anyway a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. Gonna go early to have a drink and chill. Till I return,...... take care!

Is Life All About Accomplishing?

That is the question I ponder about sometimes. At one period of time in my life, all I did was work in the day, go home, check my stocks and shares and end my day watching 'Buffy The Vampire Slayer'. I wonder if I could ever go back to those days. Maybe. Maybe not. For one, I can but I know after a while I'll start questioning what I have accomplished in my life. Then again, though I have not gone back to those days I still have not accomplished much anyway. There are many things I wanna start trying in life. But I can hear my pastor at the back of my mind preaching how time is short, Jesus is coming back and people would become more and more deceived in the end times.

So great! Up to this point in life, I have pretty much sat on a rocking chair. Loads of action but gone no where! How about my love life? Hmmmm, I really do not know. There is a girl whom I would like to pursue but I fear I might end up hurting her like I did my ex. But then, there's still a hopeless cry and wish that J would one day come back...... Haha! Okie! Time to return to the rocking chair......

Heavy Heavy Heart

It's funny cos I can feel my heart's heavy, of course not in a literal sense. Been going through disappointment after disappointment after disappointment,...... I know, the only person I can blame is myself. I know I can't blame God cos He's supposed to know best. I know I can't blame humans cos we are human after all. So I suppose that leaves me. I am the common denominator of all the disappointments in my life so it must be me.

It's sad that I have come to such a place in life. A place where I hardly feel any zest for life anymore. There seems to be nothing much to look forward to. Even going to KK with a good friend and HK with my best friend does not excite me the slightest. I am hoping that this KK trip would be a turning point in my life. Maybe I just need to get away from it all and just be in a new environment to see a new perspective of life.

So, what next? I wish I knew. I find it difficult to even still myself for a couple of minutes to pray. In fact, what's prayer? Who's God? For those of you who are believers do keep me in your prayers. There's nothing more scary than a person feeling that even God can't help him anymore.

Gym At Last!

I was kind of apprehensive of going back to the gym today. For one I was not 100% recovered yet. The other reason was that I had not been to the gym for close to 2 full weeks. I was kind of afraid that I would have weakened through the 2 weeks and the flu and the repercussions of it.

Well, I am happy to announce that everything went pretty well. Of course, I did cut myself some slack since I was coughing from time to time (excuses, excuses, excuses). The only problem is that I effectively have only 2 days left to train for my Kinabalu trip. Actually, I am a little fearful I might not be able to measure up physically but I suppose there's not much of a point worrying about it anyway. Will just take things as they come. Well, I am really proud of myself. If I can do the same to my keyboard and guitar practice, it would be heaven man......

Which Is Better? False Hope Or No Hope?

They Say Once Bitten Twice Shy. I Beg To Differ......

I Am Concerned

Just recovered from a viral flu like on Tuesday. Today I feel like my lungs ain't doing too well. Would have been fine if there was nothing else. But next Thurs I will be going to KK for my mountain climbing. I am down both physically as well as emotionally. I wonder when all these would end......

I Am Facing Up To Reality......

The Parable Of The Crowded Cupboard

I was looking at my skin care cupboard in my bathroom and I knew I had to take a snapshot of it. My goodness. There were all the lotions and potions and it was practically full! I realised that it reflected the crowdedness in my mind at present. I really need to do some spring cleaning, and quickly for that matter.....

** God's Not Through

Received a sms at 4:04 a.m. this morning from a friend whom I have not chatted with for a while. It went,......

Hey, sorry to msg so late ya. But i got up like for no reason and had to pray, and you came to mind. God's reminding you that He has called u even before you were born, and there's a purpose for you. You shall be like a tree planted by e waters, whose roots grow deep in, and leaves not wither during droughts, always feeding on His word which gives life. Yep ok smth like that ha ha. Think its in jeremiah. yes! Again sorry to msg at such a time. Really weird hour.. Good night! :)

I stood there for a moment while I tried to digest the sms.Just a note to say hi from him would have already meant a lot, not to mention now it comes with a word in season. It really encouraged me that God still cares and still wants to be involved in my life though I have grown really weary. Frankly, I really am tired and you can pretty much say I have given up hope in certain areas in my life. Well, I guess the ball is in my court now......

Langkawi Part 2

Okie, so this is the post with all the human beings around. It was pretty cool cos I was there with a few of my colleagues as well as ex-colleagues. It was really a reunion time. So glad to have been able to catch up with my friends......

 

 Me cam-whoring as usual

 That's my supervisor and her hubby

 That's my ex-colleague's boyfriend

 That's another supervisor in the middle

 One of the eye doctor was there as well together with her hubby

 The men of the house,...... except for me :)

 Ooops, caught cam-whoring again

 ooh la la, me with the babes

 Hey that's my ex-supervisor (third from left) during my first stay in TTSH

 That's Adel, another colleague I worked with during my first stay in TTSH

 That's the wedding couple!

 Us slacking at the breakfast table

 Nothing to do on the plane as you can tell......

Happy for the newly weds......