Yet Again

I know I need to lay it down. Somehow I can't find the strength to. That's an excuse. I think it's fair to say at the heart of it all, I do not want to. I realise the odds are stacked up against me. Way against me. Sometimes logic does not seem to matter. Experience does not seem to matter. Hard knocks do not seem to matter. I find myself coming back to the same choice I had a couple of years ago. And yet again I am leaning towards the wrong choice. I know this choice will not be as devastating as the other time but why even go through it? Am I just a sucker for punishment? Seems like it. Not too sure how much more of such nonsense can I bear.....

Burdened

Feeling kind of weighted down of late. It feels like history could repeat itself all over again. Now, it's a tug of war, again. The slight glimpse of hope which only ends in abject misery and pain. Somehow the pain is inevitable but yet I am almost ready to go at it again. When will I ever learn?

Heartless Me

I think I am perfectly capable of being totally heartless when I am in a bad mood. Was checking the eyes of a foreign worker involved in an accident with the eye. Usually such workers will try to fake their situation to be much worse in order to claim money for it. One way they do so is to claim they cannot see anything during the tests. So after exposing a number of them, I usually approach them with a negative attitude. To add to this, I had a movie appointment cancelled yesterday and that had a spillover today.

Before I even started my tests, he was already in tears. It was funny cos it did not move me at all. Much to my credit I found out later he does it all the time during his visits to us. During the first test I already saw signs he could see better than what he claimed. So the rest of the journey was to expose the lies of a man who was not honest with his eyes.

It was unfortunate I could not prove much after the first test. It seems like he knew exactly what to expect from and to answer me. So I went away rather disappointed. I was chatting with his doctor after that and the crappiest and most heartless idea came to mind. I suggested to scare him with the possibility of removing his eye since he could not see through it anyway. The doctor laughed but I was serious. Of course we were not gonna do it but I figured if he really was lying about his vision he would definitely resist against the idea of removing the eye. But anyway, the point of the whole story is to illustrate this point: DON'T MESS WITH ME WHEN I AM IN A BAD MOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Paranoid Me

I guess it's starting to dawn on me even more that I am thinking too much. The dinner with dad turned out pretty alright! I suppose it was partly because auntie (dad's present wife) turned up. Haven't seen her for the longest time. We had a really good chat. This time the conversation was more interesting than the typical topics like rising coes and property prices dad and I would talk about. It was about PRCs and the effects they have on our countries.

So the dinner was better than what I expected except for the price I paid for it. But well, anything to get it over and done with...... :(

Ministering In Phuket!

A door of oppurtunity has opened for me to minister in the Island of Phuket. A buddy of mine who managed to link up with a Pastor there has been invited to bring a team there to minister. So, I volunteered myself to go teach there. Whoopie! I have preached a couple of times before sporadically. But I have a feeling this one will be quite different from the previous ones I have done before. So let's see what happens......