I guess it's starting to dawn on me even more that I am thinking too much. The dinner with dad turned out pretty alright! I suppose it was partly because auntie (dad's present wife) turned up. Haven't seen her for the longest time. We had a really good chat. This time the conversation was more interesting than the typical topics like rising coes and property prices dad and I would talk about. It was about PRCs and the effects they have on our countries.
So the dinner was better than what I expected except for the price I paid for it. But well, anything to get it over and done with...... :(
Monday, March 26, 2012
Ministering In Phuket!
A door of oppurtunity has opened for me to minister in the Island of Phuket. A buddy of mine who managed to link up with a Pastor there has been invited to bring a team there to minister. So, I volunteered myself to go teach there. Whoopie! I have preached a couple of times before sporadically. But I have a feeling this one will be quite different from the previous ones I have done before. So let's see what happens......
Dread!
There ain't many things I dread in life. However, tonight I'll be doing one of those things: spending time with daddy dearest. Thanks to my worship director, I had a boost of motivation to meet up with dad. I had the intention to push it back as far as I possibly could until the day I spent considerable time chatting with my 'boss'. So, here it is. Tonight's the night. On top of that, dad called last night to ask for my address as well as my I.C. number. That got me even more worried. I guess I'll find out what all that is about tonight. God grant me the strength and grace to be able to go through the dinner with him. Crap! With all the unexplainable stress I go through, I wonder sometimes why I even bother to put myself through this. It's all for you Lord......
Saturday, March 24, 2012
Bad Mood Day
Yap it's one of those days. Thought I'd just let it all out here. It's been a really tough day today. Emotionally, I am so weary from all the frustrations going on inside. I guess it started from last night. Was at the wake of a church friend. While the Pastor was saying her opening prayer, I heard something like a piece of plastic sheet rubbing against something. When I opened my eyes, I realised it was a fellow church acquaintance (note my choice of words) trying to remove the straw of a packet drink from it's wrapper. I suppose the noise of it eluded that person but in that quiet room there were only two sounds audible: one was the Pastor's voice and the other was the plastic wrapper. You can imagine my disgust when I realised who was causing the din. It never fails to amuse me how people can be so insensitive to their surroundings. Seriously, that acquaintance irks me no end. I had to repent cos I seldom have such disgust and despise toward anyone. God had made me publicly apologised to that person once for looking down on that person and at the rate I was going, another public apology was on the way.......
Then there was today. Today's worship practice was a flop for me. For one, the drummer had issue with his playing and he was constantly corrected by my brother. Pity him though. Then there was my playing, on the keyboard. I was so glad when the worship leader, who is a personal friend prepared her songlist almost one week earlier so that I could have sufficient time to practice. I worked hard at it, preparing for the intricate details, listening to the songs over and over again to prepare them. Then today I could not reproduce most of what I practiced. I had to simplify my playing and most of the prepared stuff had to be removed. It was mixed feelings for me cos as much as I took time to prepare them, I had a problem trying to play them when under stress. So to a certain extent it was a relief but I felt it did not do the worship leader justice since she bothered to make sure I was comfortable by sending me the songs early. So I was quite disappointed with myself. Even after much practice, what I could play was miserable. I hated the feeling. I really wanted to quit......
Then there were my 2 nephews whom my brother wanted to tag along with me as I joined the worship leader and her hubby for lunch. We then went to Sushi Tei for lunch. I was so uncomfortable with the 2 brats coming along. Of course, they showed no mercy in ordering their food, since they were sure they were not the ones paying for it. Both wanted salmon roe and other stuff to go along with it. I doubted if the younger knew what it was but he insisted so I went along. But I threatened him that if he did not finish what he ordered I would spank him. Then the older one started to laugh at him and as a result he got a warning as well. Thankfully they both finished the food so I did not have to do what I promised to. In the end I paid for their lunch. Personally I would not even order such stuff for myself and yet I was at the mercy of the 2 brats. Sigh. Then one of them was actually rude to my friend. I shall not go into details before I end up really spanking him tomorrow at church. I realised the 2 of them really bring out the worst in me. During lunch I caught myself telling the older one to "just shut up and eat". So I know at least 3 people in my life who can bring out the 'devil' in me.
Since I have complained so much I suppose I might as well finish all that's on my heart. I paid a visit to a new TCM physician yesterday for my stomach issues. The conclusion was that I was stressed and I was thinking too much. The thinking too much part I fully agree. My sis has been telling me that for the longest time. What was scary was the stressed part. I figured I should have reduced my stress a fair bit of late but apparently it wasn't enough. Great! But then again with such people in my life, I guess it's legitimate to be stressed. Only problem is that I am experiencing the symptoms while they go scot-free! God I really need help man. :(
Then there was today. Today's worship practice was a flop for me. For one, the drummer had issue with his playing and he was constantly corrected by my brother. Pity him though. Then there was my playing, on the keyboard. I was so glad when the worship leader, who is a personal friend prepared her songlist almost one week earlier so that I could have sufficient time to practice. I worked hard at it, preparing for the intricate details, listening to the songs over and over again to prepare them. Then today I could not reproduce most of what I practiced. I had to simplify my playing and most of the prepared stuff had to be removed. It was mixed feelings for me cos as much as I took time to prepare them, I had a problem trying to play them when under stress. So to a certain extent it was a relief but I felt it did not do the worship leader justice since she bothered to make sure I was comfortable by sending me the songs early. So I was quite disappointed with myself. Even after much practice, what I could play was miserable. I hated the feeling. I really wanted to quit......
Then there were my 2 nephews whom my brother wanted to tag along with me as I joined the worship leader and her hubby for lunch. We then went to Sushi Tei for lunch. I was so uncomfortable with the 2 brats coming along. Of course, they showed no mercy in ordering their food, since they were sure they were not the ones paying for it. Both wanted salmon roe and other stuff to go along with it. I doubted if the younger knew what it was but he insisted so I went along. But I threatened him that if he did not finish what he ordered I would spank him. Then the older one started to laugh at him and as a result he got a warning as well. Thankfully they both finished the food so I did not have to do what I promised to. In the end I paid for their lunch. Personally I would not even order such stuff for myself and yet I was at the mercy of the 2 brats. Sigh. Then one of them was actually rude to my friend. I shall not go into details before I end up really spanking him tomorrow at church. I realised the 2 of them really bring out the worst in me. During lunch I caught myself telling the older one to "just shut up and eat". So I know at least 3 people in my life who can bring out the 'devil' in me.
Since I have complained so much I suppose I might as well finish all that's on my heart. I paid a visit to a new TCM physician yesterday for my stomach issues. The conclusion was that I was stressed and I was thinking too much. The thinking too much part I fully agree. My sis has been telling me that for the longest time. What was scary was the stressed part. I figured I should have reduced my stress a fair bit of late but apparently it wasn't enough. Great! But then again with such people in my life, I guess it's legitimate to be stressed. Only problem is that I am experiencing the symptoms while they go scot-free! God I really need help man. :(
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Grace Doctrine
So the anger of the LORD burned against them and He departed. But when the cloud had withdrawn from over the tent, behold, Miriam was leprous, as white as snow. As Aaron turned toward Miriam, behold, she was leprous. - Numbers 12:9,10
I was listening to Joyce Meyer quote this verse yesterday on my way to work. She was talking about people who speak against God's anointed. In this context Miriam and Aaron had spoken against Moses about his choice of marriage partner. As I heard it, the first thought that came to mind was "we are under grace, we will not suffer the same fate as Miriam did." While that is true I realised I missed the point of the lesson. Yes, God does forgive the person who does it and Jesus had borne our sins and punishment as well. But if God is the same yesterday, today and forever, this attitude still irritates the socks out of Him. And I realised a flaw I have, coming out of the grace teaching many years back.
I seem to be more focused on myself rather than Jesus, who is grace personified. Whenever I come across passages which entail discipline for wrong attitudes and actions, my first reaction would usually be that Jesus had taken the bad stuff upon Himself so it will not happen to me. So in the end it really points to me and my well-being rather than the lesson put forth. I will assume I am the only person who has such a problem. ;)
Some will argue that it is the embrace of the grace doctrine that leads to such issues. I will put forth my two cents worth: It is the embrace of ONLY the grace doctrine while discounting others that leads to issues. Often, I notice that people who embrace the grace doctrine and only the grace doctrine seem to go way off in life. They mouth slogans often but their lives don't seem to mirror their slogans. They can be downright irresponsible in their actions but yet use grace as their excuse for it. I find it amusing how some can talk so much about grace as if there is nothing else in the bible. If the grace doctrine was the ONLY doctrine around as some seem to make it out to be, the bible should be just a few pages thick since it will then only contain the verses about grace......
I was listening to Joyce Meyer quote this verse yesterday on my way to work. She was talking about people who speak against God's anointed. In this context Miriam and Aaron had spoken against Moses about his choice of marriage partner. As I heard it, the first thought that came to mind was "we are under grace, we will not suffer the same fate as Miriam did." While that is true I realised I missed the point of the lesson. Yes, God does forgive the person who does it and Jesus had borne our sins and punishment as well. But if God is the same yesterday, today and forever, this attitude still irritates the socks out of Him. And I realised a flaw I have, coming out of the grace teaching many years back.
I seem to be more focused on myself rather than Jesus, who is grace personified. Whenever I come across passages which entail discipline for wrong attitudes and actions, my first reaction would usually be that Jesus had taken the bad stuff upon Himself so it will not happen to me. So in the end it really points to me and my well-being rather than the lesson put forth. I will assume I am the only person who has such a problem. ;)
Some will argue that it is the embrace of the grace doctrine that leads to such issues. I will put forth my two cents worth: It is the embrace of ONLY the grace doctrine while discounting others that leads to issues. Often, I notice that people who embrace the grace doctrine and only the grace doctrine seem to go way off in life. They mouth slogans often but their lives don't seem to mirror their slogans. They can be downright irresponsible in their actions but yet use grace as their excuse for it. I find it amusing how some can talk so much about grace as if there is nothing else in the bible. If the grace doctrine was the ONLY doctrine around as some seem to make it out to be, the bible should be just a few pages thick since it will then only contain the verses about grace......
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