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Humbling Myself

It was an interesting lifegroup last evening. I did something which I don't think I would have done but also wish I would never have to do again. I felt led the previous lifegroup to apologize to a fellow member in the lifegroup setting for having judged him. I told God that as long as He wanted it I would do it.

So last night I was reminded again at the end of the session and I did it. I stood in front of everyone and told him I was sorry for having judged him. It really scared me, being so vulnerable to show my inside thoughts even though I am sure I was not the only one who felt those negative feelings, though that's beside the point. Think it triggered something in the spirit. Anyway, I think I would think twice for ever judging anyone ever again.....

J: A Closed Chapter

I was pleasantly surprised a couple of days ago when this incident happened. Following RTF and meditating on God's word, I suddenly had an idea to include J in my 7 week prayer. It was a good experience. For once I could pray for J as a friend and nothing more than that. In fact I quite enjoyed it. I could imagine J coming to know the Lord and becoming on fire for Him. Then one day, I just felt led to stop praying for J and remove the item totally from my prayer list. I felt very at ease doing it, knowing God is at work and there is no longer a soul tie between the both of us.

So glad I could finally close one really big and heavy chapter in my life. Time to get moving......

I used to wish J never happened in my life. Now I am at peace about it, knowing what the devil meant for evil God really turned it out for good. Thank you Father.

My Last Session Or My First

So, it's official. I am now known as the brave man in my class of inner healing. People have come up to me to encourage me for having the courage to be the demonstratee in front of the whole class. For those who do not know me personally, I think they'll probably imagine me to be a super wrecked up person in life. They are right. Looking at myself from an outsider's point of view I would classify myself as a "loser" in life. In fact it has kind of dawned on me that it is a miracle I managed to hold out to this point in time. 'If not for the grace of God'. This phrase seems to hold more meaning to me now than ever. Back to being the brave man in class. Actually it's not a matter of bravery in my case, it's a case of desperation. Seeing no way out of my situation I was willing to try most anything for the hope that one day I would be whole again. Don't mention being a demonstratee. Even if I have to stand in front of my church to make a confession I would if it meant wholeness for me again.

After four sessions of RTF, Sunday was the very last session for me. It had been an enlightening journey for me these four weeks. Even though there are still some philosophies I struggle with when it comes to inner healing, I must say I have been decently convinced through all that have happened thus far. It was interesting for me because one of my biggest questions in regards to deliverance was answered on Sunday's session. A lady who was from my former church asked a question about being demon possessed. She was asking if it is valid to cast demons out of Christians, since we have been taught Christians can never be demon possessed since the holy spirit indwells us. The pastor's answer was such an obvious one yet I never really gave thought to it. He mentioned that since part of Christ's work was to bring healing, Christians should not even be sick at all. He also said that officially demons should not be able to possess Christians, but it does not mean they would not try. Same things goes to the verse that says 'If God is for us, who can be against us?' Does it mean that Christians should not have any problems since God is for us? It was like someone knocked me on the head as the pastor explained his stand in regards to the lady's question. It's funny that the answer can be so obvious yet so elusive. I wanted to blame my former pastor for this misconception but I realised the minister he gleaned a lot of spiritual truths from also believed the same thing.

At last I finally got the chance to be prayed for by the man himself. He was the second last person I had yet to receive a word from and I was excited about it. It turned out the word he gave me was the shortest of the whole group. Funny how God works. Anyway, the last session was really the beginning for me. God seems to be indicating that I should be continuing with this study for some time to come. So I got the whole DVD series and will be delving into it, maybe even today. Whopeee......

Doing Things Alone

For someone who has a phobia of being alone and doing things alone, I think should be proud of myself. Somehow the fear has diminished somewhat. In fact, I seem to enjoy being alone of late. Somehow there's things I need to do which I can't do with others but God. Ever since I had my breakthrough in delving into the word more, it feels like I am playing catchup spiritually. Whatever amount of spare time I have left in the day, I'll rather spend the time meditating on God's word or something as meaningful.

The last movie I caught was almost one month ago and the reason I caught it was because I promised my colleagues to go. Since then, I don't think I have even watched tv at home except for dinner time. Somehow the urgency of keeping my eye gate pure seems to be of paramount importance now. I am walking out of a bondage that had been a very integral part of my life since my teenage years. The roots are deep so I am treading on delicate ground here. But I believe this is the God has appointed for me to walk free so I am really trusting God that it all ends here.

So yar, I am glad that for now, I am enjoying being alone. In fact, I really miss two of my buddies whom I have been trying to meet up with until now. I was supposed to meet up with them this evening before my lesson but somehow both were unable to make it. Strangely there is a strange delight almost since I am able to sit at my favorite cafe and spend my time reading up on soul ties and praying over them in my life. Then I also get to spend time meditating on the by now 4-5 page bible scripture which I have faithfully been meditating on for almost 1 month now. God grant me the discipline to go on till I see the fruits manifest in my life in such a tangible way. Okie, just a little more to go before I head off for lesson. Thank you Lord for Your faithfulness to me.  ; )