It's Coming

The month of October is coming. Just the thought of it saddens me. Cos its supposed to be the month J and I go for our Taiwan trip. Now that J is nowhere in sight, I suppose there will not be a Taiwan trip. It's as if I am still holding on to a glimmer of hope. I find it difficult to unblock the leave which I have set aside for that trip. In my logical mind, I would have given it up way earlier cos I am sure there would be other colleagues who would like to take leave then. But I have been procrastinating. Deep down I know that it is practically impossible for me to ever make the trip with J but I still find it difficult to release those days totally so that others can have it. How selfish of me. Anyway, as I always hear from preachers :" If the horse is dead for a long time, it is time to dismount!" Okay! It is time to give the slots up for others!

More Pics of the Conference

The pics above are some of the photos taken at the conference. Cool right? Err I meant my own pic. Most were taken with my TTSH colleagues except the bottom left hand corner which was taken with my helpers, who were a fun bunch of people to hang around with. Oh, and the top right hand photo was taken with my poly optom classmates. So nice to see them again after so long.

See. I was listening intently to the talk.

Or maybe not so intently. :)

For That Hand to Hold

I Am Torn Inside

The good thing about having free time is the freedom to sit back and chill a little. The bad thing is the freedom to think about things without much distractions. Been thinking a fair bit about my life of late and what I want in life. I must say that I am pretty torn inside. What I want is not what God wants for me. It's pretty obvious. The past few months have taught me that. The lessons were hard and painful. Even now, I am still feeling the heat of it in my heart. I really want it but does that warrant or make it justifiable for me to have it? Knowing that my life is suppose to belong to the One who paid such a heavy price for it certainly does not help.

Do I not have a say in my own life? What if the One who supposedly owns my life really knows what He is doing? Do I trust Him. No, I don't. My actions and thoughts have proven it time and time again. I think I have to come to a decision and soon. Even if I do not crack from the guilt of sin and rebellion, I will crack from my heart being torn in two directions. My feelings or God? God or my feelings? I really don't know. Is there no simple solution that will take care of both? Unfortunately no. Do I follow God and risk not having someone in my life? Do I follow my feelings and go into a relationship that I know may not have or probably will not have a good ending? Does God really know what's best? For me?

Actually, all the answers are pretty obvious. But I don't know if I really want to take that plunge. Will I turn back? All the questions lurk in my mind right now. I seriously do not know how long I am going to straddle between the fence so to speak. Though it hurts, I still will not get off. Any conclusions? Nope, not yet. But what I do know is that God is still not through with me. I know He is gently wooing me back. Maybe I do not need to be wooed. I just need to be dragged back I suppose.......

I Miss...... My Sis

Hmmm, feels like a long time since I last spoke to my sis. She has been away and will be back only tomorrow. Can't wait......